My friend has just said that ds's behaviour is...

[Donbean]

"testing" and "difficult".
She says that he is hard work.
Am gutted.
My worse nightmare is that other people will think him a monster or a horrible child.

What behaviour does she mean, Donbean? And does she have kids herself?

Does your friend have any children?
I personally find it reasurring when I see other peoples children misbehave as it makes me realise that mine are perfectly normal after all.

Yes, she has 2 (5 & 7)
he is 2.
She says that he constantly tests me.
Its very interesting another mothers observation of him. I have always been very reassured by her but when she said that to me i could have cried.

Why? What exactly does he do?

perhaps it was meant as a kind of compliment... in that he is hard work, but that you're dealing with him very well?
i am sure she didn't mean to upset you

she's obviously got a short memory - I bet her two were no angels when they were 2 years old (are ANY 2yrs old complete angels??).

I have the opposite problem - people look at DS2 and think he looks so angelic and he's so well behaved out they don't believe he can through the most unblieveable tantrums for a 19 month old, and often 'attacks' his older brother if he wants a toy!

Are her 5 and 7yr olds perfectly behaved then? I doubt it.

Try to ignore her

His behaviour IMO is that of a normal toddler BUT she knows better because she has had 2 herself.
Another friend couldnt believe that i dont take him to cafes or restraunts and avoid most public places (not child orientated) as i am just too stressed by him.
I consider this to be a phase though.

ahhh donbeam
im sure hes not a monster or a horrible child
umm,maybe 'testing' and 'difficult' at the moment...cos he's TWO

I collapse emotionally when I receive any kind of feedback that I don't deem as positive--it makes me so upset that I withdraw. My DD is 11 now and I still hesitate to make close friends because of it. I don't think she meant to hurt you, and she probably isn't as senstive as you are. I would never have said that to another Mum, because I never felt qualified to make a comment to be honest.

Does she want you to change? Is she saying that she doesn't want to have your little one around her as he is too much trouble? What was she looking to get out of this "sharing" of information?

OH GOD NO, she would never ever say any thing to upset me or offend me, she is a very good friend and yes starlover i think that you are right, possibly i was moaning about him and she was just agreeing that yes he is a handful.

Does he have major tantrums or is just general stuff? The only reason I am asking is that I have a good remedy for tantrums!

"collapse emotionally" yes that is a perfect description.
When some one actually says something not positive it is very hard to stomach isnt it.

Toddler times are often hard for both parent and child, and it is indeed a stage which passes. It is sensible IMO to avoid un-child-friendly public places if you can - why stress both of you out uneccessarily?

In my book having 2 children doesn't make you an expert on parenting BTW!

You haven't really told us what behaviour it is that she is talking about though! I think all kids test their parents, they are programmed to do that - it must be specific behaviour she has in mind?

Also remember that she only sees a snapshot of how your son behaves whilst you see the whole picture. It is hurtful when someone criticises your child or your parenting skills though

Isn't it slightly reassuring that she (an experienced parent) thinks he is a challenge and it's not that you are a bad parent?

She's not saying that he is a monster or horrible, just that she can see he isn't an easy going pliable child.

So Donbean, the important thing is the YOU feel better, are you feeling better yet?

I don't think she is criticising your child or your parenting skills tbh.

agree with soupy .. I think I'd feel happy I had such a good friend

Soupy...was it you?

I am always reassured when people tell me DS2 is a challenge because a lot of the time I feel like an incompetent parent when I can't cope with him.

Oh no, I would have said "he's just like DS2 was at that age..."

(strikes fear into the heart of any friend I say that to!! )

Ah Soupy!

His behaviour can vary dependant on how he is feeling.
So the ocassional tantrum. Which he goes on the naughty step for (dependant on why he is tantruming) TBH i dont get at all bothered by tantrums, they dont phase me at all.

He refuses to be strapped into the pram or high chair when we are out. Understandable i think because he has tons of energy to burn off and is curious about his surroundings.
I make journeys short and make sure that he gets out for some of the way home.
I avoid cafes etc because why should he sit for an hour or so strapped in while i eat/chat, its too much to expect a 2 year old to do IMHO.
He is into everything.....its all new to him FGS, he is curious.
He breaks stuff/dents my walls/ throws stuff...this i am working on BUT the naughty stair is working a treat.
SEE, all perfectly normal toddler behaviour.

oh the joys of toddler days - my ds2 was known as the thug and my friend's as the beast