Should she be worried?

[Rainbow]

My DS3 was not really crawling at 8 months old, and making no attempt to stand but he was vocal and developing in all other areas. At his 8 month check he was refered to physio and diagnosed with benign congenital hypertonia (his muscles were too elastic, he had trouble controlling them, common condition among contortionists) and with physio he was actually walking at 16 months.
A friend of mine's DS (1st and only) turned 1yo last week. He doesn't really make any sounds, grab things that are slightly out of reach, crawl, roll over or attempt to move in any way. He doesn't look like anything is wrong iykwim, and I don't really know if she took him for his health checks, she said she has. I know she has very limited baby experience (she is an only child and so is DH, her cousins are all older than her or around the same age). She is the first parent among them too. It's just that I know I was concerned about DS3 at 8 months. She just says that her DS is lazy.

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Why would you not believe she went to the health checks she says she went to?

tbh i'm not sure if she should be worried. sometimes the environment can be to blame if there is lack of stimulation and encouragement.
Just a thought as you say she has little baby experience?

Is he sitting up?

Yes he is sitting but he will be where you left him in an hour or so.

She is very much the type that tells you what she thinks you want to hear. She took him to be weighed every week until he was 3 months old,the HV commented that at 3 months he was a little young to be weaned so she stopped taking him. Thats why I doubt she took him for his health checks. She is not a one to take advise either.

Baby's by nature are curious so I would expect him to be trying to reach for things that are slightly out of reach but he's not.

*Babies by nature

My ds3 is 9 months. just learned to sit cant crawl, rolls though. Makes noises but doesnt say words. I have been for all health checks and I am confident he is fine. There are others the same. Babies develop at their own rate. If she is a close friend then just express your concern, but we are all protective of our children be they no1 or no5 and dont want to hear other people suggesting there is something wrong, so tread carefully!!!!

My 2 DDs were walking at 9-10 mo. Imagine my surprise when my lazy DS was still lolling around at 1 yo! He did start sitting at age 12 months but didn't crawl til very late and walked at about 18 months or so.

All children are different - and I think you have to trust the judgement of the mother who will generally know if there is something wrong. I knew my DS was just lazing around and wasn't worried.

When my DD1 was about 9 mo a load of friends said I should be worried and take her to HVs or Drs because she wasn't sitting up - I told them that there is nothing wrong with her otherwise of course I would go. Sure enough 1 wk later she was walking around the place.

The essence of this ramble (sorry!) is that IMHO you should trust your friend to be doing the right thing for her child - she obviously thinks he is Ok so he probably is.

I would say if he's making no attempt to get to things out of reach .. shuffling / crawling / rolling / stretching / whatever .. then there is potentially something to be looked at and I would be concerned if it was one of mine

(as an aside weaning at 3 months?? )

is he pointing?

I would be worried yes- reaching was the first thing I watched for with ds3 (and it came early), because ds1 didn't reach very much (he's autistic). Not sure how much sense she'll get oout of health professionals yet though - I couldn't get nayone to take me seriously until ds1 was 3 (and he's now classed as severely disabled).

I think you have to let the mum be the judge. We all know our children best.I know you are concerned and that is natural. maybe you could just talk about your experience??!!!!

Jimjams - no, he's not he is just sitting there. If the telly is on he shows an interest in it, if people are talking he looks towards them. Someone suggested to her he may have a sight problem but he doesn't appear to have trouble seeing you. He just doesn't move or make a sound other than the odd laugh. If you hide his toy he just ignores it all 3 DSs tried to find a hidden toy aroung 8 months.

The 'normal' range for crawling/shuffling etc is 6-12 months, walking 9-18 months speech varies I know that, it's my job but I do wonder if I know too much text book even though I have 3 DSs. I was concerned about DS3 not crawling and lifting his legs rather than weight bearing at 8 months. Am I worrying too much?

He should start pointing very soon. If he doesn't then it is unfortunately a sign that all is not well. He sounds very passive (very like my ds1). I remember my HV telling me to put things out of reach to encourage ds1 to crawl and I had no idea what she was going on about as he'd just sit and look, had no interest in trying to reach for things. Having had ds2 and now ds3 (who at 6 months has been desperately trying to reach out of reach things for ages) I know it was one of our earliest "signs". Definitely keep an eye on him, but probably best not to say anything yet (as she'll struggle to get any health professionials to take her seriously yet, and whilst I would push and push if ds3 shows signs of anything wrong because I know what I'm looking for now- I would never have been able to do that with ds1).

Thanks all.

my ds does not point!!!
He is 9 months!! Maybe I am too laid back!!!

A baby of 12 months who does not even roll over is surely quite unusual. Personally I think your friend should be encouraged to have him checked out. Can he get into a sitting position by himself? If he starts to vocalise or at least point at things or make gestures then he is probably not autistic. He might have a physical rather than intellectual problem.
Ah, but it is hard giving people advice: you don't want to worry them or be seen as interfering! Maybe if you are really worried about this child, you could describe him to your own doctor next time you go, and see what s/he thinks. It would be awful if the little boy's health was neglected because his mother only 'hears what she wants to hear', as you put it,

I thought the baby we were talking about was about 9 months

No mandy, I think it is a 1 yo. Personally, I still would leave it to the mothers judgement myself. They really are all so different. (And you should know Mandy! lol)

oh yes he is one!! As you say mum usually knows best and we dont often bury our heads in the sand if we have any real concerns.
Let us know how things are Rainbow

People often don;t bury their heads, but they may not realise the significance of what they are seeing. I began to be concerned about ds1 when he was 17 months, but he was showing signs of problems from 4 months (when he wasn't reaching out). It's only now that I realise how many signs there were. I wasn't in denial- I was told by several health professionals when he was over 2 that he definitely wasn't autistic and that any problems he had were very mild, if indeed they could be classed as problems. He is severely autistic and will never live independently,

Therin lies the problem. FWIW if ds3 was behaving in this way I woould be beside myself with worry, but I would also know that it would be incredibly diffcult to get any helath professional to take me seriously. I would feel like I was watching a car crash in slow motion. becuase no-one will take cooncerns seriously at this age I acutally don't think that rainbow should say anything at this age, but I think she is right to be concerned. It is probably wise to keep quiet for a bit longer and suss out the pointing anyway.

my ds seems healthy and happy in every way, but is not pointing!! i cant honestly remember when the others did this and now after all this on here I am wondering if I should be concerned?

not at 9 months no. at 18 months yes. it's not the lack of pointing at 12 months that is a concern in this case, it's the extreme passivity and lack of reaching. I asked whether he was pointing because if he was then it would have indicated all was probabvly well.

No mandy he's 1yo. Vocalising like a 6mo. I am worried she is not 'seeing' because of lack of experience.