Can I make ds more cuddly

[saadia]

Ds2, 15mths old doesn't like being cuddled. Even if he is crying cuddling doesn't seem to comfort him. I put this down to the fact that, unlike ds1, he never slept with us and didn't get as much lap time as I would have liked. The only time he clings to me is when confronted with people he's not familiar with when out visiting people or when we have guests. I must admit I do like it when he clings to me for dear life.

He does seem to be a lot more independent than ds1, playing by himself etc, but I was just wondering if I just have to accept this or can I make him more cuddly, probably more for my benefit than his.

DS1 was not particularly cuddly until about 18mo - even though we did spend a lot of lap time together etc. He was always wanting to escape. DH started telling DS "I love it when you cuddle me" and stuff like that. Also we started tickling him (a very light caress type tickle on his back and tummy and chest) which he really loves. We did not push him to snuggle though.

And he just became more cuddly (not sure if it was because of the above or just something he grew into).

ds is like that. If you cuddle him he almost fights to get off! He is now nearly 3 and the more independant he gets the more he likes to come back to me for a cuddle! so hold in there it will happen.

DT1 isn't as cuddly as DT2. She would rather go off and entertain herself. DT2 is always coming for a cuddle with his mummy. I think that kids are just like that!

Saadia, DD was very resistant to cuddles when tiny. People used to notice and comment on it which made me feel even worse.
However when she was about 14 mths she got measles, felt rotten, and suddenly started to really enjoy being cuddled. Obviously I was about the measles, but it did have an upside .
She has always been very physically affectionate since then. So, things can change.
(Incidentally DS has always slept on his own, just as DD did, and he is very cuddly. So I don't believe it's all to do with conditioning. I had imagined that was why DD fought cuddles, but now I'm pretty sure it was just her personality as a baby.)

Thanks everyone, feel better and more hopeful now. Kiwikate, will try the tickling and telling him we like cuddles. At the moment if I try to cuddle him he wriggles and can't wait to get away.

I feel a bit bad because ds1 loves cuddles and is constantly coming over for a snuggle while ds2 looks on thoughtfully, but if I take him he wants to get away.

I do hope he becomes more tactile as I think physical contact creates more bonding. Also read somewhere (perhaps on MN) that one of the most important things for future happiness was being cuddled as a child - not sure how reliable this research is though.

One thing that struck me about your last post was you said "if I take him ..."

Why not try and let him choose whether or not to cuddle (they love being in control don't they?). Invite him as in "would you like to come for a cuddle..." If he says no, just say "that's ok, but I'd really like it if you decide you want to." At least that way he can chose.

My mum became very cuddly with DS and he really didn't like being "made" to cuddle. As soon as she backed off and let him chose to cuddle or not, he became much more affectionate.

Just a thought ...

Yes, kk you're probably right - I hadn't thought of it like that. He is very independent as well so I will leave it up to him and accept his decision.

My DS1 was a bit like this - his Grandmas used to get very miffed when he ran away when they said "Come and have a cuddle!".
He's 3 and a half now and loves cuddles - I can't remember when he changed but he definitley has!

It's good to know that things do change and they're not necessarily permanently resistant to cuddles. The funny thing is that ds loves cuddling his cuddly toys - it must be a control thing.

my dd2 would never sit still for a cuddle at that age. now at nearly 4 she's extremely cuddly.

DS slept with us, got lap time and was never cuddly in the early years but has been for the last year or so (he's 4.5)

HTH