How "clingy" is your 2.5yr old?? Help and advice please!!!

[Mandymoo]

HI
DD is 2.5 and extremely clingy - as an example, one morning last week 2 friends came over with their children the same age and we went out in the garden. Within minutes DD was grabbing hold of my hand wanting me to lead her around even tho we were all out in the garden anyway.

Its the same at groups and even at the in laws house. It is so draining. One of the children comes to our house regularly and DD is ok then.

Thing is - should i let her continue to do this (i dont want to be mean and i know she's only doing it cos she feels she needs mummy) or should i refuse to be led around (even typing it makes me feel like a bad mum)

Any advice would be greatly appreciated XX

DD1 was very clingy - still is at times (now 5). I used to want to shake her off me like a dog on heat.. (if that makes sense?!) If you try to send her off on her own you'll only make her more clingy and you'll feel guilty.
It will change - DD1 got better around 3 I think (nursery had a lot to do with it - got much more independent).

DS1 used to be like that when he as younger. The way I 'dealt' with it was I wouldn't actually 'go' with him, but would sit with the other mums/friend/whoever and make it clear to him he was welcome to stay with me if he wanted to - but that if he wanted to see the toys (or whatever) he had to go on his own. by the time he was 2 3/4yrs he'd 'grown out' of it and decided the only way he was going to get involvedin the 'interesting' stuff was to go on his own - he's now a very extrovert little boy who'd go anywhere if I let him!

Thanks
DD goes to nursery one day a week and has done for the last year. She is an only child at present but we go to lots of groups and see friends most days.

Yes - I do feel like shaking her off me at times just cos its so draining and I keep thinking that we might as well stay at home if she's not gonna go off and play.

But i know she's doing it as she feels secure with me -- but i dont want her to be like this forever!!!!!!

Well there was two conflicting pieces of advice LOL.

I never 'shook' DS off - I just wouldn't go were he'd wanted to lead me (obviously there were times when I went with him if he wanted to show me something, but as a general rule I wouldn't). He was always 'welcome' to stay with me - but learnt that I wasn't just going to 'headoff' where ever he wanted me to go.

Dd used to be like that. Gradually it got better, but took time. Just little things, like saying I am going to do such and such and will be back in 2 minutes and making sure I did come back then Tried not to show her I got stressed by it. Got a bit better when she went to nursery 2 mornings a week, then school nursery 5 mornings...
Now she's a very independent, wonderful, happy, well adjusted, confident 8 year old. Some kids just need a bit more reassurance from you for longer I reckon.

She won't be like this forever. I used to take DD1 to lots of playgroups and sit and do play- doh, hold her hand on the slide, play kitchen, build sand castles etc - have to admit I was bored rigid at times. Was better if we went to play groups/grounds with another child. Used to bring her out of herself a bit more.

Know of a mother who used to put herself into time-out in the bathroom, just for a 2 minute break from cling-on

Q of Q - when i said "shake" i was agreeing with Nimme's comment. Obviously I dont actually do that!! I do go off with her and stay with her but just wondered if i should be doing anything different.

I know deep down she will grow out of it but just worrying as normal!!

actually - enjoy it - DS2 is the complete oppostie he NEVER wants to be close to me - Mr. Indepedent and I want my baby

God I sound like a wicked mum dont i??!! I do love being with her but i guess i just want her to be a little independent (there i go again - wishing our time away) - when she goes to school i'll be wishing she was still with me!!

Q of Q - good point, i should just enjoy our time together. Thanks X

I know it's hard (DS1 was a nightmare when little) but when I watch DS2 'disappear' to play with the 'big boys' at the toddler groups part of me wishes he was clingy like his brother.........think it's a case of "can't have your cake and eat it"

My son age 2.3 is often like this and so are lots of his friends of the same age. I think try to put up with it if you can bear it. It can be so irritating and at the end of the day you just don't want anyone near you - poor dads get a rough deal! I don't think forcing your child to go off before they're ready actually achieves anything in the long run. If they feel they need you by their side, then they need you by their side, you can't make that need go away by telling them not to be silly or whatever.

But it is very draining and you must make sure you get a break whenever possible. Older kids are very useful for this as toddlers will usually go off happily if a 'big' kid is looking after them.

Thanks for all your replies - she really is a sweet little girl and i love being with her - thats not in question. Its just when i see other children her age (or younger) zipping off from their mummies at groups and friends houses, its frustrating when dd takes me by the hand to everywhere she wants to go. BUT i know thats how its got to be at the moment - helps to know that you guys have been through it but now have sociable independent children!!