I saw a girl kick my daughter!

[Positron]

I was at a soft play area a few weeks ago, with my daughter who will be 3 in december.

She was at the higher level of one of these soft toy play areas, and from where i was standing, I could see she was interacting with a girl who was about aged 6. At first it all looked playful, but then the older girl kicked her in the stomach.

There was not alot I could do standing much further below, but I did make gestures to the girl not to do it again. I then had a polite word with the girl's mother who hadn't spotted what had gone on - she acknowledged me, but didnt really apologise, but I did see her give out to her daughter afterwards.

Another time, again in another soft play area, my daughter kept coming up to me from time to time because some boy (a bit older than her) was hitting her (maybe playing rough), but on this occasion, I hadn't seen what had gone on, and so didn't want to approach the parents because I hadn't seen it for myself.

What would you have done in these situations? Or what similar experiences have you had? Is it right to discipline someone else's child, and what if the parents get defensive/aggressive?

well soft play? its gonna happen isn't it?

i would keep a child of not yet 3 where i could see him/her.....not let them disappear off out of reach!

softplay is lord of the flies with ring side seats.

I've had a very similar situation. An 8yr old girl being quite cruel to my 2yr old. I was there the whole time, sometimes just out of the children's sight but I could see them iyswim. I did go over the first couple of times (first time the girl throwing balls intentionally and quite nastily at dd, the second she was pushing dd down) and tried for an airy 'now I'm sure everybody can play together nicely, how about everybody lines up and goes on the slide' blah blah, trying to be inclusive while letting the older girl know that I was there. Five minutes later she pushed dd down some steep steps and called her a very bad name. I asked the girl which one was her mother (after calming dd down) and went over to have a word. It was not a success. I was called some terrible names and threatened with a 'smack in the mouth'. I was very polite, picked up dd and left. She won't go back there now and it was only our 2nd visit. She still gets a bit upset about it.

oh god, yes, agree with the goat...

I do agree with the others. It's a rough and tumble thing and very difficult with much smaller children playing with much bigger children when everybody's excited. I cannot excuse what this other girl did though, deliberately targetting dd and attempting to hurt her. Having spoken to her Mum I felt very sorry indeed for her.

I always hated soft play areas because of things like this - seemed to happen every time. And I hated it when some children seemed to get so much enjoyment out of pelting balls at the others with such force. I was never really a fan of these places!

Goat - i just choked on my cereal reading that.

You are quite correct though.

Oh God I'd be mortified if some parent came and told me that my dd had hurt their child and yes, she'd get a telling off. I totally accept that some children have behavioural problems and these things happen but parents with aggressive children should stay close to their kids to make sure this sort of stuff doesnt happen.

yeuch@ my terrible sentence structure

Thanks to most of you for your replies.

For your information, ILoveTIFFANY, my DD was in the area that was appropriate for her age, and well within my full sight - the older girl was above the age limit for that part of the soft play area. The very fact that I could see what was going on and acted swiftly should tell you that my DD did not "disappear out of reach". I am much more open to constructive critiscism rather than a judgemental approach, please.

'there was not alot I could do standing much further below'

ILOVETIFFANY was not being judgemental, just working on the facts we are given

Positron, don't be so defensive. You're not being attacked.

I think Ilove was going on the information given, especially in the second scenario you describe where you didn't see what had happened.

I would never not watch dd, aged 2 at all times in a soft play area, just because of the nature of the beast. Lots of children of different ages in an area that's designed for chucking yourself about. I don't think you can avoid the pushing and shoving and general madness that the primary colours and hotter than hell temperatures seem to spark in small children but I think when you have a pre-schooler you should be keeping an eye on them. You don't have to hover and you can't avoid some of the fallout but you can step in when it moves from general play to unnecessary nastiness.

Not a lot you can do apart from stop going to soft play .

I hate soft play and refuse to take the dd's anymore.

how come they have such high structures in your under 3's or under 5's areas then? every single one i've been to (and thats a bloody lot with 5 dc and being a nanny too),has special area's for toddlers??

not the point,but you said you hadn't seen the other incident. thats why i said you should be watching.

sorry,sorry,sorry....didn't mean to offend!!!

soft play = fucking carnage

avoid avoid avoid

I think in this sort of situation its best to get the staff of the soft play area to talk to the girl and her parents. It is a big no no to tell off other people's children. However its important for you and you child not to be bullied.

At a similar age my son was attacked by an older child in the under fives area. The child at the time was about six years old. The staff spoke to the boy and his mother and reminded him that over fives were not allowed in the tots area. The child entered the toddler area a second time and again bullied my son. Again I spoke to the staff of the soft play area. The staff then asked the older boy, his mother and siblings to leave the soft play centre. They also refused to give her a refund. Hopefully the mother will learn to control her brats in the future.

Mine are too old for soft play thank goodness. I did stop going when they were small becasue I saw a boy poo his pants on the curly slide. It all oozed out and left a visible poo stripe all the way down. Then he landed in the ball pond. I have never seen a group of mothers move so fast. That and the general violence put me right off.

I thought they has seperate areas for very young children?

I agree, soft play places are the work of the devil, but my dds love them, so we go every so often.

I've taught my 3yo dd that if someone pushes or hurts her, to shout very loudly,

'NO! Don't push/kick/pinch me. That's VERY naughty! You should play nicely.'

If they still aren't nice, she comes to get me, and I try to make sure she stays away from that child.

I'm not sure I agree that you shouldn't tell off other peoples kids...does depend on the circumstances though!
My DD was gouged at playgroup - I was holding her hand and another child (younger than her) just walked straight up to her and scratched her face. Her Mum was there too and is someone I know, but although she intervened, she did not rebuke the child - which personally I thought was wrong, she should have been told that was not appropriate behaviour. I said nothing on this occasion.
I would point out to a someone elses child that their behaviour was wrong - whilst this might be a touchy subject, I have told off other peoples kids (I am obviously a complete ogre) and their Mums actually came up and thanked me - because it showed their child that the behaviour was wrong and it wasn't just Mum on their case all the time.
Kids will play rough and I think it is part of growing up to learn how to deal with it, but I must admit I have stopped taking mt DD to playgroup as the stress of watching out for trouble was taking too much of the fun away. She's learning social skills from nursery and other play opportunities instead.

I have shouted at a girl in a soft play center before and at a older boy but they both deserved it. The girl was about 5-6 and my ds(he was 2/3 at the time) was walking behind her she said to one of her friends 'lets go on that slide over there' and ds said "yeah ok lets go on that one." She then turned around (she was on a step so her feet were the same hight as ds) and said you can't play with us your a boy and then kicked him in the face really really hard (made his nose bleed) she didn't know I was watching I said you are a horrible girl where is your mummy then when she pointed her out I went and spoke to the girls mum.

I told a boy who was about 10 off because he was laying on netting above the baby area spitting on the babies and toys below, his parents weren't even there they were in the resturant area. But I did shout at him and gave him a tissue to go and wipe it up.

A no no to tell off other people's children?
I wouldn't hesitate to be assertive in these situations, whether it is asking the child to stop or approaching the parents and asking them to come and see to their child. I'd much rather teach my DD assertiveness skills than passive avoidance. I would hope that if you saw my DD kick your child in the stomach that you would tell her off too.