Despair at 3 year old eating habits

[Samsmumiam]

I know I'm not alone in this but...I did everythign right, really I did. Breastfeeding (still am), baby led weaning, wide range of food, no separate children's meals, no pressure, eat fairly well for myself apart from sweet tooth which he shares and...my son since 18 months has closed down step by step so that each week something else gets wiped from the diet - even meat which he loved. We are down to processed meat, pizza, bread, tomato pasta, raw carrots, chips and fruit (but only once he's checked there is nothing else sweet on offer). Oh and porridge every morning. OK maybe a small number of other things but default position is Yuk. He lobbies all the time for sweet things and they are available, not forbidden, but he has become a bit obsessed.

What did I do wrong? How can I get it right? I don't stress in front of him as far as possible, or force him to eat, but I look at other people's children munching happily and feel so despairing.

give him a plate of food with small amounts of both stuff he does & doesn't like.

If he doesn't eat, take it away and declare meal time over.

Tell him what you put down is all that there is available and if he doesn't eat it he may be hungry but that is tough?

I was just about to post a very similar thing about my DD 22 months, so partly bookmarking the thread. Also would now like to hijack and ask if that would work with a 22 month-old?

I haven't been tough enough to do it yet.....

OP - I really sympathise. Really, reallly.

My DS has just turned two, he's always been a fairly good eater but has gone through phases many times when he refused to eat anything. My DH and I would tell him that what was on his plate was all there was and continue eating our meal whilst having a conversation, in order to ignore our DS repeatedly saying he didn't want to eat his food. Its worked everytime and he now seems to know that if he doesn't eat his meal thats all he gets. i also don't expect him to finish his main course before he has dessert. I ask him to have a few more mouthfuls before dessert and he usually does. This week he has tried two new foods without any fuss so am I really pleased. I know he will have more difficult phases but am hoping we will cope using this strategy.

Samsmum, you could be describing my dd although she is 8.5 now. She would eat anything and everything with the exception of avocados until she was around 2. Then she started dropping foods off her acceptable list until we have arrived at a stage where the only fruit she eats is tangerines and mango, the only veg she will allow on her plate is peas (and only 16 of them and her packed lunch is awful.
I have amde a rod for my own back, she is very slim and I was concerned that she would die of malnutrition if I didn't feed her what she would readily accept. I ended up making two seperate meals but recently decided that my life it too short. She has the option now to eat with us or not eat at all, she is vocal in her dislike of this policy but I just keep plugging away.

It isn't about food it is about control.
He won't starve. Serve a meal-if he doesn't eat it take it away-make no comment. Do the same at the next meal. Always no comment (and no comment if he eats it)NO snacks.Water or fruit between only. Don't discuss it and don't talk about in his hearing. Don't give him a huge plateful just a small serving, he can always have more, and let him help himself to veg. Make sure the whole issue doesn't get him attention.