2yr 9mo son and visits from other little kids

[peanutpie]

When we have kids to visit my DS always ends up in fights with them and they don't play well. Typically he grabs toys off them and runs away. He thinks it is hilarious and loves being chased but they aren't too happy and get cross. This ends up in a fight of some sort. Then it calms down for a while when they play independently. He's fine in the park or a place where there isn't too much stuff to squabble over. In that case he'll run around with other kids laughing and having a great time.

It seems to me as if he'd like to play with other kids but he hasn't worked out the rules yet! Does this just work out?? and how long does it take?

Thanks. I feel rather embarrassed about having to ask this, as it is probably normal. But even so, I'm not used to little kids so I find things like this a bit worrying!

What do YOU do when he grabs a toy and runs off? Does he just do it in your house or does he do it when he visits other people's houses?

If he snatches something in front of me, i say 'no snatching', 'such and such is playing with it' and 'give it back' until he does give it back.

Sometimes I don't see the snatching I just see running him gleefully off and a cross kid chasing him. Then it turns into a 'no hitting' thing. I could make more of a point of saying such and such is cross because you have taken something, give it back.. I guess I feel uncomfortable about that when I am guessing he has taken something (although that is probably true).

It happens most in our house.

Well, I think all you can do is prepare him for others coming round by saying things like 'Jimmy is coming round to play and wont it be lovely to share all your toys nicely with him ' or 'Remember when we went to so and so's house and you played with their fire engine, that was nice to share wasnt it' etc etc.

When he snatches take it off him and give it back to the other child. That would be the FIRST thing I would do and then talk to him about it.

If he hits then imo he should be told that it is never ok to hit and removed from the situation, heap loads of attention on the other kid too and make sure he is not 'rewarded' with attention for his bad behaviour.

My son is a month older so I know what its like but you just have to persevere. I have never used time out / naughty step but I know it works wonders for others so that may be something to try.

How vocal is he? I mean with my son I wouldnt just say 'dont do x/y/z' I would talk with him about it and explain why its not ok, try and help him see it from the other kids point of view, allow him to talk about how he's feeling etc. I know it sounds a bit airy fairy but talking things through is really the only thing Ive found that helps my ds. He was like this in terms of not sharing when he was younger but is (touch wood) much better now.

good luck

If your lad can understand teh concept, how about priming him pre vist. Asking him which toys they will both play with and which are too special to share and thus should be put up high/ shut away.

I found that a period of making two small train tracks, rather than expecting boy to share the bigger layout we had put together, was helpfull at around 3 years old.

No whe is 3.6, he seems to cope with it all rather better, we still remove a few "very specials" to teh spare room but boy wants his friend to go and play in his room now and seems happy to remove everything from toy box in search of teh right cars/ noisey things etc for their joint game.

Thanks for your reply waitingforbedtime. I have done the preparing talk and it does help. I think I could talk to him more about what is happening as well. Along the lines of, if you want to play then ask them to play with you, rather than taking their toys which makes them cross.