Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

DS doesn't seem to like being held/cuddled

17 replies

daffodilli · 21/10/2009 20:12

DS is 7 weeks, has colic so is naturally rather grizzly and unhappy, but he wont be held or soothed. When he has his feed, he will let me wind him for about 5 mins before he starts struggling and throwing his head back to be put down. If I just pick him up for a cuddle when he is not crying he will start to fuss and struggle to be put down. He goes in his cot at night wide awake as he wont let me rock/cuddle him to sleep. Is this just due to the colic and the fact that he is probably uncomfy, or are some babies just not keen on cuddles?? Has anyone else had a LO like this?? Any tips?? Am feeling like a c**p mum atm as I cant do anything to make him better .

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

bigchris · 21/10/2009 20:17

aw you're not a crap mum at all

have you tried a sling?

Original poster

daffodilli · 21/10/2009 20:27

Thanks first time mum so paranoid I'm doing something wrong.
We've the babasling, but he didn't like that either. Maybe more of a wrap type sling would work better?

OP posts:

Pipnik · 21/10/2009 20:46

Not quite to this extent but my DS wasn't a cuddly baby, he just didn't seem to like being restrained in any way. Hated swaddling, slings etc... Used to sit in my postnatal class feeling like I had an octopus in a string bag on my knee.

All seemed to change at 9 months, about the same time separation anxiety kicked in and he became a really affectionate little soul. We have had lovely kisses and cuddles ever since.

Still doesn't like slings though!

Maitri · 21/10/2009 20:50

We had the same situation with dd. We tried and failed with a sling and realised that she hated being confined in any way. We just had to take her lead, really, and let her be more independent which wasn't easy as all we wanted to do was cuddle our little girl! In the end, we just carried her around with her lying along a forearm in the same way as a cheetah might lie on a branch.

I thought I was being a crap mum too (particularly as dd's older brother was a very cuddly, close baby). It took me a couple of years to lay off the self-guilt

She's now 5 years old and is still fiercely independent, is very loving, very happy, very bright but doesn't "do" long cuddles. We just have to make do with a quick kiss and hair ruffle.

Hope that helps a bit. (And good luck with the colic... My mantra was/is "this too will pass"!!)

Lapsedrunner · 21/10/2009 20:51

DS wasn't a cuddly baby either.

Original poster

daffodilli · 21/10/2009 21:02

Thanks all, guess I have to go with the flow and accept he is already an independant little soul. Would love to be able to cuddle him when he is colicky though.
Your DD sounds lovely Maitri , think I will adopt that mantra as well....

OP posts:

SarfEasticated · 21/10/2009 21:21

I thought that the throwing the head back thing meant 'I want more milk'. That's what I got from the baby whisperer book anyway. Could be why me dd was such a chubster!

allaboutme · 21/10/2009 21:26

DS1 was like that. Didnt like cuddles or being held much at all as a baby.
Never fell asleep in my arms, would just cry and then when I put him in his cot awake would calm down and go to sleep!
He was like it as a toddler too. Never liked sitting on lap or cuddles or kisses.
He is VERY independent and brave and confident.
He is 4 now and over the last year or so has become a lot more cuddly. He loves snuggling on my lap watching tv and will always give me a big kiss and cuddle if I ask him.
I think its just his personality.

DS2 is nearly 2yo and he is rarely out of my arms. He has always been v cuddly and v clingy, completely different all together!

bruffin · 21/10/2009 21:29

DD didn't like being cuddled either, she was far too interested in what was going on everywhere else, as soon as she could she wanted to be on the floor playing with DS. She is 12 now and very similar to Maitri's DD but with teenage attitude

I wouldn't bother with a sling, I would have thought if he doesn't like being cuddled, he would hate being cramped in a sling just as much.

mellifluouscauliflower · 21/10/2009 21:39

Poor you. My son was a bit like this but it did change as he got older. He only liked being held upright with his head over my shoulders, never constrained in any way.

If you don't feel well, you might not want a cuddle from your partner but it doesn't mean they are not a good partner.

maxybrown · 22/10/2009 08:10

My Ds always liked being cuddled and still does at 2, however, he hated slings and being "restrained" in any way. His best position was always slung over the shoulder as another poster said. He was never swaddled as went beserk, right from being born, and is a very hot baby so didn't and still doesn't like too many clothes on. he is very very fussy about certain clothes now, in that he doesn't like anything "fitted" or tight on him anywhere, he likes loose cuffs and things. I think the clothes were a big factor!! he would be happiest in a loose t shirt and nappy and nothing else really!

TheApprentice · 22/10/2009 08:16

My ds had colic and was just like this. You have my sympathy with the colic by the way! I would go to baby groups etc and all the other babies would be happily cuddling up to Mum and mine would be screaming and squirming! Eventually I realised he was happier lying down!

Everything changed once he could move about - he was so much happier as he is quite an independent soul. He still is at 2 and a half but he loves his cuddles and tickles now.

Try and sling and be reassured, you are not doing anything wrong.

Original poster

daffodilli · 22/10/2009 14:11

Thanks everyone for the reassurance . Interesting point about him throwing his head back, will try him with a little more milk next feed and see if that makes a difference, poor thing may be thinking I'm trying to starve him!

OP posts:

tillymama · 22/10/2009 16:50

My DD (12 weeks) doesn't really like cuddles in arms. If she's awake and being held, she wants to be sitting. If she's awake and I'm standing, she wants to be upright over my shoulder...only the right one, not the left!

If she's sleepy, she doesn't like to be cradled...she again wants to be upright. Unless she's being fed and is really drowzy.

Adores her sling though, so I get my cuddle fixes that way

SarfEasticated · 22/10/2009 20:30

I always had a bottle of formula ready just in case. I thought that if I had managed to bf it would have been on demand, so did the same with formula. I ended up throwing quite a bit away, but at least it was something to rule out.
Good luck!

Original poster

daffodilli · 22/10/2009 21:09

Just to let you know SarfEasticated it works! gave him just 10ml more for the last 2 feeds and though he grizzled he didn't fling himself around, maybe he just wanted a bit of dessert! Thank you

OP posts:

SarfEasticated · 22/10/2009 21:42

Hooray!

Flip