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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Are second (third, fourth) children more sociable?

17 replies

NotQuiteCockney · 13/06/2005 13:59

The subject says it all really - a friend seems to think second or later children are automatically more social than first - has this been your experience?

(My DS2 is too young to tell how sociable he'll be.)

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flashingnose · 13/06/2005 14:02

I don't think they are necessarily more sociable but I do think they are less anxious than first born children.

Miranda5 · 13/06/2005 14:06

Mine have been!

Enid · 13/06/2005 14:10

mine is

frogs · 13/06/2005 14:10

Among my kids -- yes!

Stands to reason, really -- first children get to be king of the hill until no. 2 arrives, while subsequent children know from day 1 that they are not the only show in town, and have to work out strategies for getting what they want without getting thumped.

Original poster

NotQuiteCockney · 13/06/2005 14:16

Gah, that's not what I wanted to hear - I don't think I could cope with a child more sociable than DS1. I don't think the world could cope with a child more sociable than DS1.

Seriously, I'm happy to have an outgoing child. A child who walks up to random people in the park and discusses Star Wars with them, or talks about their dogs or whatever. But what will a more sociable child be like?

OP posts:

flashingnose · 13/06/2005 14:19

Well if it's any help NQC, my first child (ds) sounds exactly like yours. DD1 is also very sociable and friendly but wouldn't be able to perform on a stage at the drop of a hat like ds could. DD2 is more shy with strangers (unless she's with her siblings) but is very sociable with people she knows.

Original poster

NotQuiteCockney · 13/06/2005 14:21

Oh, that's a bit of a relief, flashingnose.

I think DS1 is partly so sociable because we went out a lot when he was tiny, and I was always happy to have him held by anyone who wanted a cuddle. So to some extent, he was raised like a second kid.

Generally, it's fine having such a sociable child, although I do worry a bit in crowds about misplacing him, as he'll take up with new people and just wander off.

OP posts:

nutcracker · 13/06/2005 14:22

My first born was more sociable than my second, and still is i think.

misdee · 13/06/2005 14:23

no. dd2 doesnt like other people.

Kelly1978 · 13/06/2005 14:25

My dd (oldest child) is like your ds1, also because we went out lots and I think it is partly her personality - outgoing and chatty.
ds, (second child) is completely different, far more reserved and shy, so it isn't always the rule. I'm waiting to see what the dts will be like.

flashingnose · 13/06/2005 14:25

Far better that way NQC IMHO. I think you've hit the nail on the head for our family, certainly, as ds and dd1 spent their first years abroad in a culture where everyone talks to you and babies are passed around to all and sundry. DD2 only had 9 months of that culture and has been here since, at home with me, which I think goes some way to explaining her distrust of strangers as in all other respects, she is very like ds.

bensmum3 · 13/06/2005 21:10

My 3rd child is much more sociable than the 1st 2, but we live in a different social situation, where every adult he see's knows him and talks to him, he gets quite upset when we go away and he talks to people who don't respond, I'm sure having older siblings helps as well though.

Miaou · 13/06/2005 21:13

dd2 is much more sociable than dd1, but I really don't think that is to do with their position in the family, their personalities run much deeper than that. However I do think frogs has a valid point.

Quick hijack - hello bensmum3, you got home safely then

zebraZ · 13/06/2005 21:16

My second (of 3 close together) is very unsociable. She refuses to talk to strangers, she only likes animals. The 2 boys (oldest & youngest) are extremely personable & people oriented. Doesn't fit with your friend's theory at all.

Oh, and my youngest is also the most anxious,by far. Was noticeable from very early on. Oldest is extremely brave and confident, second is happy in her own little world. So doesn't fit with what flashingnose said, either!

wilfulwife · 13/06/2005 21:19

my DS is an only child and very personable,friendly and sociable.I am the eldest sister and like my son,my sister is quiet,shy and not v sociable.My friend has 3,eldest v sociable and good company,no 2 friendly,no 3 stroppy,miserable,whiney...

Lonelymum · 13/06/2005 21:20

It must depend on the child surely? My eldest is and always has been painfully shy - he used to curl himself up on the pavement when he was about 1-2 if our neighbour spoke to him! however, he has a very caring and inclusive streak in him and plays beautifully with younger children (his siblings and others). Ds2 and dd are not shy at all and make friends more easily but ds2 is certainly less accepting of others and excludes certain children he meets eg girls and children who are not too bright (Sorry - I make him sound not very nice but that is what he is like). I am not sure with ds3 - he is 2 and hasn't yet developed his social side.

suedonim · 13/06/2005 21:32

My first and third are more sociable than my second and fourth. I don't think it's anything to do with birth order but more to do with personality.

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