DD being VERY VERY difficult and challenging. help!!

[cyphercat]

my DH and I are finding her very difficult at the moment. She is potty training at the moment and I'm pregnant and she knows that there is baby growing in mommy's tummy. (and that could be the reason but I don't think so...)

She has never been an angel to start with and always had bad temper since about 18 months or earlier (just like her parents..). But the tantrums have escalated and we use counting down, then naughty step, and taking away of her favourite toys. It seems that whatever we ask her to do she must do exact opposite, and knowing how to use potty and toilet for the past three weeks, she started to say no when she needs to pee and will do it in her clothes. I said to her let's go back to nappies but she refuses nappies as well.. Also she will ask for milk, watches me bring milk to her, and then says no she wants juice... I wonder if I have given her too much choice in her life as we are quite relaxed with her (always give her choices and pretty much overlook things that aren't too major) or could this be just a phase...

DS1 who is 2.5 years old is also giving us grey hairs at the mo, pretty much like you described (I also have baby on the way) it's very frustrating & challenging but we are trying very hard to keep cool & remain consistent. Hope it's just a phase. Good luck!!

Chocolate buttons for pees in the potty seem to help - both mine lost interest in going on the potty and preferred to pee on the sofa.

Just keep plugging away at it, be consistent, try to notice the things she does well but don't excuse outright bad behaviour. Things may get a bit worse when baby comes along but grit your teeth and ride it out.

At three they become reasonable again.

Hallelujah! Bring on the 3rd birthday - have had a b of a day today with DS!

She's learning to exercise a bit of power. Maybe you've actually done a good job with her and she is confident enough to challenge you (not saying no boundaries at all). Just a thought. I found 3 harder than 2 but then every kid is different.

Do you get a break from her for your sanity. Time to yourself? I got so little it was laughable (no family nearby, no childcare till she was 3) but if I did manage to badger H into looking after her, then I found a few hours apart did wonders.

ooh yes she's very confident little girl who I feel most of the times is too bossy. 2 is turning out to be a very difficult year. We end up using counting down most things we ask her to do, and also she does end up sitting on naughty step at least once a day. She goes to nursery once a week in the morning and her keyworker didn't look too pleased with her this week. Apparently challenged them too about when to come back from the garden into the nursery room!! (tantrums) and then stayed curled up in the room and was too angry to have any lunch with other children. I'm hoping 3 will be easier....

wish you the very best of luck. Sounds very much like my dd1, though potty training was an over night phenomanon she has been extremely difficult and opinionated ever since she was 18 months, 13 in a month. Must say in her defence she is very confident in her opinions and think this'll help her through the dreaded teen phase. Should feel quite proud that we've brought up a confident girl but is extremely trying most of the time. All will come good i'm sure.

I just will use this thread to write things that distresses me and just puts me off the edge at the end of the day. I don't even want to look at her and just want to cry. Things that my dd did today.

• DD Snuck in my bed and I let her sleep next to me. I wake up around 8am find that she has been awake for some time and taking poo out of her nappy (she wears nappy for night) and drawing on the bedsheet with poo.

• I would like her to go back to nappy for a bit so I can be happier mommy, but she said no way that she will ever wear nappy as she is not a baby and nappy is only for sleeping. (she speaks perfectly well and clearly for 29 months old, maybe too much)

• Absolutely insisted that she hates my home made reward chart for potty training with stickers and took it off the wall and binned it.

• I had to drag her to potty and toilet screaming protest so she won't wet her trousers. Still, ended up with 4 wet bottoms.

• She knows perfectly well how to eat well and also expected not to put her foot on table smearing mashed potatoes EVERYWHERE, but she did. (she is sitting on naughty step now..)

I really need a hug today and it does sound pathetic but I am crying all day (maybe it's my preganncy hormones as well)

Oh blimey. Poo smearing - not fun at all . Maybe she is picking up on the pregnancy thing. DD played up a lot when I was pg and too tired, sick and generally rubbish feeling to be much fun (not saying you are a crummy mummy like I was but pg does take its toll). A few mums of older kids said they remembered theirs playing up before the baby arrived too.

All the smearing, food stuff sounds like she is mark making or trying to make a point. She is obviously very articulate but it doesn't mean she has her emotions under any kind of control (my second is younger but also very good at speaking but no idea what to do with her feelings yet). She is really little and being a handful is sort of her job right now. Is there anyone who can give you a break at all?

FWIW - I'm not so sure the naughty step is going to make much difference and there is a chance that she really doesn't "get" the reward chart idea yet even tho she can say she hates it - that might just be toddler-speak for "I don't know what it means".

Apparently hugs are "unmumsnetty" but have some anyway

very sweet of you! Thanks. I think it was one of my down days of the pregnancy. I'm feeling much more positive now and DH is feeling quite negative at the moment!! I know what you mean by she doesn't know what do with her emotions. She doesn't know how to put them under control and I should understand that I should be a bit more relaxed with her as she is still so little. I tried being happy go lucky yesterday and being very positive and funny and it did make lots of difference and she was listening to me much more as I gave her more attention. Thank you for your support and listening to my complaints!