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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

how to stop toddler pushing other toddlers...

12 replies

biggernow · 15/10/2009 16:10

my 2 yr old son has just started pushing other toddlers. he was really gentle until recently and he has just started pushing other kids when he is frustrated and I am really worried. i have another due very soon and he has started nursery recently and has molars arriving, but sure this is no excuse for his recent behaviour. Any tips would be hugely appreciated, so want to try and find best way to tackle this! Am I alone??? Thanks...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

tattycoram · 15/10/2009 16:13

I don't think you can really - all you can do is follow him like a hawk and intervene when you see it about to start. Limit playdates so they're not too long and take him home if he is being particularly awful. Eventually he will grow out of it. Can you tell we went through this? It is horrible though, I used to envy people whose children could for example disappear into a playtent without them peering through the window to check they weren't hurting anyone.

DS is very very kind and gentle with otehr children now, tehy do come through it, I promise

tattycoram · 15/10/2009 16:15

One last thing - we found that doing the big "now say you're sorry" routine made things worse as he enjoyed all the drama. For a while he thought that what you do if you want to give someoen a kiss is to hit them first .

Might be best to be as low key about it as possible

skinsl · 15/10/2009 19:24

Yeah, mine does it occasionally, but most of the time he will share everything.I have gone straight over there and said "no, the little boy wants to play with you" and kinda turned it around a bit and got them to play together. But I do watch him all the time just in case!
And mine doesn't really understand sorry yet. I actually got him to say it yesterday,but dont think he understood, so not going to force it just yet!

Original poster

biggernow · 15/10/2009 19:24

thanks tattyc- it's so hard- and is so unprovoked and so different from gentle boy only 3 weeks ago....ah toddlers....... Thanks for tips.

OP posts:

HumphreyCobbler · 15/10/2009 19:30

Just remember that most of them do it sooner or later.

Mine started earlier than all my friend's dc and I endured a few months of stress until their children started doing it.

I used to remove my child, say firmly that other people are not for hitting, leave him apart and go to the other child and make a real fuss of them to check if they were ok. Ds wasn't talking so saying sorry wasn't an option. I also used to have to follow him around like a hawk, no relaxing chats with other mums for me.

I also used to talk a lot about taking turns rather than sharing, sharing just means having your toy taken away from you when you are tiny. It did stop after a while, but it can start again periodically. It is normal behavior.

Original poster

biggernow · 18/10/2009 15:16

thanks for replies. he keeps doing it - more today in a cafe- kids just minding their business and my grumpy one coming in and acting all macho....and it's really upsetting me. Am of course remaining calm around him and trying to stop him- but my hovering over him seems to make him worse...it's HARD and of course the dirty looks have begun as I attempt to stop him. Is it easier when they can communicate better? People must think i am a dreadful mother with my pushy little man (who has developed this very cross patch face to accompany the push......it's so embarrassing!

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victoriascrumptious · 18/10/2009 17:55

From the other side of the fence my dd has been whacked quite a few times recently by aggressive toddlers. I don't know what the best way for you to tackle it is but any reasonable person would be understanding IF you are supervising your child properly and not at the other end of the room gossiping like the mother of the last child who attacked my dd-who then she walked up and said "oooh little Katie's been doing that a lot recently" GRRRRRR!

Jamieandhismagictorch · 18/10/2009 20:53

Sympathies to you. Mine was like this from 18months to about 2 and a half.

Ds2 was like this - pushing and biting. With the wonderful benifit of hindsight I 'd say:

Master your own feelings about it. If you worry or panic, that will make you react more strongly than you need to - lower your tone of voice, get down to his level, don't shout. Stay calmly and firmly - "don't push". This is very normal behaviour and he will grow out of it. Don't be tempted to make too much of a hoo-ha about it just to show others you are doing something. Calm and firm, not shrill

Remove and distract

If other child is hurt or upset, say sorry yourself.

You may have to limit the time you spend in places such as soft play. If he seems to be getting over-excited, leave

Mine became a different child when hungry.

Good luck

Original poster

biggernow · 18/10/2009 20:59

most people are watching like hawks though- imagine there are very few people who would ignore it- as no-one wants their toddler to behave rudely or inappropriately- but I don't think you can class it 'aggressive' as such either- they don't mean it in that way- they don't really understand. I know 3 weeks ago when DS got hit and before he was acting up- the mum was very apologetic and I told her it was fine and she musn't worry and that mine could do it anytime.....! It's hard either way!

OP posts:

Jamieandhismagictorch · 18/10/2009 21:06

DS1 used to get hit a lot, and bitten repeatedly by his friend

DS2 used to hit and bite. I know what felt worse to me.

Hopefully people don't judge, but I do know what victoria means. I have encountered some parents who don't supervise their DCs enough because they seem to be so frustrated and embarrassed by it that they almost get into a state of pretending it's not happening ....

kateecass · 18/10/2009 21:11

My son has been like this but only with DD and dog. We've had to be on top of it cos you don't want a toddler hitting dog.

My son is slightly older..do you use naughty step?? Any pushing hitting in our house and it's "we don't hit/push in this family" and straight to the naughty step. When going into playgroup you can point out "oh look there's there naughty step, if you push anyone that's where you'll go"

My DD often gets pushed by DS's friend when he comes round to play. He gets told it's not nice to push!! Doesn't work! DS comments on it and says how horrible it is.

nbayliss · 15/06/2015 15:07

I've found this thread really useful to read through, even though these are old posts. Have been tying myself up in knots about best way to proceed. 'Jaimie' I know what you mean about about worrying and panicking as indeed that has made me over-react, I did so only today when my 2 yr old pushed over another child. I have to watch mine like a hawk, and yes, I do envy mums that can chill out in the corner over a cup of coffee, and yes it also really winds me up to see other people not doing anything when their child is aggressive, but this thread has inspired me to keep on going doing what i'm doing, as it's easy to doubt yourself and join those mums who are turning a blind eye. Hopefully my lovely boy will soon learn that this isn't acceptable behaviour.

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