what am I supposed to do when...

[titferbrains]

DD is on 0.4th percentile and refuses what has been prepared for lunch/dinner? I have gotten into the habit of offering a few alternatives. If I had a normal eater I would be much more strict ie take all rejected food away and not offer anything else. But because she is small I worry that she will lose weight and drop off charts. Do you think it is safe for her to be a bit hungry to try to teach her to eat better at mealtimes? I find that offering alternatives makes meals too long and I would like to "wean myself off" doing this, sigh. She is 1yo.

Could you give her 3 or 4 things on her plate - 2 of which you know she will eat and then make a big fuss with loads of praise if she attempts to eat the others (even if she just gives them a lick). I used to distract mine with constant chatter at mealtimes. We'd (I mean, I would - until they started talking) go through all the animal noises and sing songs and tell stories and just make it a fun social thing.

I do tend to offer some new food and some familiar but she tends to chew and then spit out most finger foods - which makes it hard to judge how much she's eaten. So I usually offer something I know she'll eat after that, a little puree or yogurt.

My other issue is that she only really likes ella's purees, she's rejected most of my cooking really so I stopped trying long ago and succumbed. Now I'm trying to stop giving her puree as well.... She just doesn't really swallow much. It's maddening! Not sure how distracting her with animal noises will help, she won't really let me feed her so I have to put all bits of food in front of her and see if she's going to throw it on the floor or not.

Are you tense when she's eating? Relax and make it fun. If she's hungry, she'll eat. Does she eat on her own or do you eat with her?

Leonie, thanks so much for posting. It is extremely trying and I lose my temper over this several times a week. I'm not proud of that. DD does only have 4 teeth and she is vocal when she's hungry so I can at least respond to that. But I also know when she is hungry but frustrated, and often at that point she doesn't want to eat until I've let her get a taste of something, ie. she'll push the spoon away but when it gets on her lips she'll eat it. I cannot believe she is the offspring of 2 tubby foodies!!!

I have decided that no food is off limits (except crisps) so today I offered kraft singles on toast, homemade pea fritters, muller banana yogurt and choc cornflakes, raisins, organix raspberry oat bars... you get the idea. Trash food or high brow homecooking, please, DARLING DAUGHTER, EAT!

Fernie, tks also, am much more relaxed but I tend to get annoyed by the level of mess vs. amount eaten. And my pet hate is having sticky fingers so I spend most of lunch time washing my hands. I confess I absolutely hate mealtimes with her because Inever know how it will go. I regularly take her out for lunch just so someone else can clean up all the crap for a change, and it's chance to offer her new foods. It's not easy to be relaxed but believe me I know that's what I need to do and I do try. I just don't succeed as often as I'd like.

I was so nervous with my oldest baby i gave him puree stews far longer then i should&would give him things to play with jus to keep gettin food into him & it worked he was a good size but a crap eater, i could only get food into him by givin him da wierd stuff he would normally never hav bn able to play with(car keys,my wallet,ipod etc) cause he knew well how to play me...When i had my 2nd baby he was only 19months & i was so crazy busy but still had to 'convince' him to eat, i used to pull up a chair to the kitchen sink & let him splash around jus to get him to eat a yogurt!! Extreme i know but i was so worried about him loosing weight, but my husband drove me mad tellin me i was the only mother n the world to feed their baby this way so eventually i did put him back n the highchair & did the take it or leave it thing, but i would set a big plate & we would eat off it together. And ya know wat he thought he was all grown up now cause we were eatin da same thing&he would feed himself!! Fussy eaters r tough1s

Stop worrying about the mess. It doesn't take that long to clean up afterwards (I've got twins so had 2 to clean up after - really it didn't take long). If she sees you constantly cleaning/washing your hands, she may start to think there's something wrong with a bit of mess and be afraid to make any. Chill out at mealtimes. If she knows you hate it, she's more likely to play up.

Poohbearsmom is right - the moment she relaxed about it, he ate. If they're hungry, they'll eat. You're not running a restaurant, don't let them think you're prepared to make anything they want whenever they want it or they'll still think that when they're older.

My DS, 2 yrs 6 months was weaned early as he was big. He would eat everything I put in front of him.......not any more.
He got to 1 year and became very fussy and still is. I used to get so worked up over it I would have to leave the room, I shouted on occasion for which I am very ashamed but it literally nearly drove me insane.
LOs do not have the sense to starve themselves so will eat when hungry. Pay absolutely no attention to centile charts or health visitors. As long as she eats something and is developing well in every other way then you have nothing to be concerned about.
It is very easy to forget due to the mother worry thing that our LOs are human!!!! At the same age as my friend, I am 4 inches taller and 1 and half stones heavier....nobody is worrying about what/when/how much we eat!
We (including babies) are all differnet. She will eat when she wants, if it means you have to give her the same thing every day then do it!
My DS eats weetabix/rice krispies/pasta/yogurt/rice pud/most fruit/potato waffles/beans/bread and very little else.
Stop worrying, she will sense your anxiety and worry and see it as attention and it may make the matter worse.
I often let my DS eat his meal in front of the TV, although it slows the process down, he does tend to eat a bit more. I also try to pay very little attention to him when he eats, I try not to even look at thim and just let him get on with it, this works too! GOOD LUCK