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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Help!!! What you do if this was you DS? (Another 'won't eat' thread - sorry!)

18 replies

merlin · 12/10/2009 17:19

OK he is 4/1/2 and for his evening meal all he will eat is cheese and tomato pizza - no meat, fish or veg.

Realise I have to stop this so .........

do I make a stand this evening and just dish up the yummy toad in the hole that is currently cooking (which I know will cause an almighty tantrum!) or should I dish it up AND a little bit of pizza (which he will eat).

I am prepared for the tantrums so if that's what I have to do so be it!

WWYD?

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Original poster

merlin · 12/10/2009 17:27

Please help - it's nearly dinnertime - now or never!!!

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Slubberdegullion · 12/10/2009 17:28

Toad in the hole with a smile and nothing else. Ignore the tantrum. Incite moony's mantra "yum, all the more for me"

I am an evangalistic bore about this now after my nightmare mealtimes thread a few months back.

Original poster

merlin · 12/10/2009 17:31

Thanks Slubber!

I know I have to do it and hold firm - have tried many times and just give in ,

But now he is nearly 5 think it can't continue!

Wish me luck!

PS. Is you thread still 'live' - can you link it please?

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Slubberdegullion · 12/10/2009 17:33

Here's the thread.

Changed my life it did

Good luck

Original poster

merlin · 12/10/2009 19:28

Well, I stuck to my guns. He was dragged screaming and kicking to the table (literally!). Made him sit there while we all ate. He just closed his eyes!!!!!

Tomorrow is another day!.

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thesecondcoming · 12/10/2009 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Slubberdegullion · 13/10/2009 09:55

merlin - oh dear, but lol at him just closing his eyes.

tbh I would avoid the dragging and kicking and screaming and forced sitting. I have had to do a complete rethink about meal times as they were similar to yours now - horrible.

Meal times are for eating and for pleasant conversing, if your ds does not want to do either of those things then he should ask to leave the table and be excused. Why make it a battleground if it does not have to be? Keep serving up good food (mmm toad in the hole...drool) if he wants some he can have it, if he doesn't then he will have to wait until the next mealtime.

When I changed how I did mealtimes (following the thread I have linked to) I fully expected months and months of hideous screaming and waily wailing. Amazingly it only took the dds about a week to get it. They either eat or they don't I'm not fussed either way (although of secretly inside I am punching the air with joy if they enjoy eating what I have cooked for them). I do not allow whining or bad manners but rarely have to mention these now as meal times are really quite calm and pleasant affairs.

Keep going with it. I'm sure things will improve.

Original poster

merlin · 13/10/2009 13:40

Thanks Slubber! Well tonight is pizza night, cos we have swimming so it's a quick and easy dinner and I know he will eat it!

Tomorrow, I'm doing a linguine thing with lemon, thyme and mushrooms. So, do I just ut it in a big bowl on the table and suggest he helps himself?

But, what do you do with the meat/fish content of a meal? (Obviously veggies in bowls).

And absolutely no snacks other than fruit? How do I get round that one when DS1 comes in from school and raids the biscuits/cakes?

I will do this .........

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hairyclaireyfairy · 13/10/2009 15:56

My daughter went through a stage of this a couple of years ago. Personally I think it was more about her trying to have control over what she ate but that does'nt work here. I would never give her something that I know she really dislikes.
Meal gets put on the table, she gets told there is no other option and if she does'nt eat it there is no pudding. If she screams shouts etc then she was asked to get down from the table and go in the other room her food would remain on the table until everyone had finished dessert included. I f sh came back and ate she was praised and had pudding if not fruit only till morning.
Ithink we has this 3 or 4 times before she realised that sh needed to eat what I had cooked.
She is 6 now and will try and eat most things.
Good luck

Slubberdegullion · 13/10/2009 16:01

I think if literally all he eats is cheese and tomato pizza then going from that to your delicious sounding linguine dinner is going to get the closed eye treatment. How about putting the plain linguine in one serving bowl and the sauce in another. If he wants he can help himself to plain pasta he can.

The key imo is trying to get mealtimes to be more relaxed and pleasant affairs rather than necessarily focusing on his diet and what he is or isn't eating.

wrt meat fish etc, I just do a mixture of things. So some dishes everything is all in one (like lasagna) and other meals I'll do separate foods (like fish fingers, carrots, spuds etc). With the all in ones they either eat it or they don't, with the separates then sometimes they'll have a a bit of everything and sometimes they might just have a plate of carrots. I am breesy regardless

The solution to snacks is simple. I don't buy them anymore. It's fruit or nothing.

Original poster

merlin · 13/10/2009 17:06

Slubber - I'm working on the breezy bit [grin

Right, then separate sauce and pasta then.

Although, pasta has never even made it past his lips - he won't even try it!

Will have to get DS1 (nearly 9) on side and get him to cut down on the snacks a bit if his brother doesn't get any!

Oh well, to be continued ..........

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inthesticks · 13/10/2009 18:11

I wish I'd had the benefit of all this great advice 7 years ago when mine were 4 and 6.
I was forced to eat as a child and grew up determined never to do that to my children. So I ended up with two faddy eaters who would eat something one day and reject it the next.

I always fed them separately to us on weekdays for two reasons.Firstly they couldn't wait until 7 or 8pm for supper and secondly DH and I enjoyed eating in peace after the DCs were in bed. That's apart from the fact that they wouldn't eat decent home cooked food.
Gradually as they got older and bedtimes moved backwards they would come into the dining room and "sample" things we were eating.
A couple of years ago I changed the routine and we all eat together every day around 7pm. I fully expected to have to serve a very limited repotoire in order to please everyone but to my surprise they were so delighted at the change that they ate pretty much everything from day one. They commented once that they now get better food.

tillyfernackerpants · 13/10/2009 18:13

merlin, just to echo Slubber, I followed her thread as well & ds1 (3.5) completely turned around in a week!

Now, he will come and sit at the table, will at least try a mouthful of everything on his plate. If he doesn't like it, fine, he's tried it at least. Imo, its the fuss we make about it that's the problem!!

We also stopped having snacks at home, just fruit/yogurts and no puddings. He gets puddings etc at his gps so then its a treat for him.

Hth, good luck. Remember to smile placidly no matter how loud you're screaming on the inside

tillyfernackerpants · 13/10/2009 18:15

inthesticks, interesting post. I found that once I sat & ate with ds1, he was also much more likely to eat or at least try what was there.

Original poster

merlin · 13/10/2009 18:16

TFNP - as expected he wolfed down all his pizza!!! But over dinner I did outline the new eating plan - with no snacks other than fruit/yog.

Older brother not too impressed with the no snack idea as he hates yog and the only fruit he will eat is apple - so I said "fine I will buy a bigger bag of apples then!"

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Original poster

merlin · 14/10/2009 18:43

Tonight's dinner ......

Bowl of spaghetti, bowl of tomatoey sauce thing, bowl of grated cheese.

DS2 whinged a bit, showed a tiny bit of interest when I said he could have a bit of ketchup on the spaghetti but then changed his mind and whinged again so I asked him to get down from the table.

Onwards and upwards!

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allok · 14/10/2009 19:57

OMG my ds 3.4 the SAME. It's awful - his diet consists of pizza, pasta (and god he makes a fuss of you use the wrong type and you just have to guess!) with a teaspoon of hidden sauce and the cheese has already been melted in (not bits), baked beans on toast and stem brocolli - not a great diet - he loves fruit - too much.

Battles if you buy cantaloup and galia - it drives me mad.

So to recap - give him food calmly - most of it in bolws so he can help himself - yea? If he doesn't want it he can leave it and not eat anything else?

OK so he's starving eaten 2 bits of melon all day - so I make him a snack cheese on toast - won't even try it says is yucky.

Won't eat red meat or fish. No soups - bloody nada. I just worry for him. He won't even TRY just says it looks like spiders - is this classic control here?

Other than that a really well behaved kid actually.

inthesticks · 15/10/2009 13:30

Oh that used to drive me mad. When they look at food and say it's yucky without tasting it.
When they say they like Pizza ..... but not this week.
When they won't eat the roast potato because it's got brown bits on it.
When they won't drink this orange juice because it's got bits in it.
When they won't eat the meat because it's got fat on it ( this is after I've removed every microscopic piece of fat).
etc.
We did introduce a game of tasting weird things, a bit like a bush tucker trial. My boys are competitive and the prospect of winning 10p for eating an olive was irrisistable.
There is light at the end of the tunnel though. Mine will now eat almost anything and love to try new things, in fact the more exotic the better. Most of their friends are the same apart from one boy who has always been a nightmare to feed.

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