DS nearly 4 and still having 'accidents' most days

[ZeeMum]

Could do with some advice/reassurance please.
DS was toilet trained shortly after 2nd birthday and since then has had regular accidents in his pants daily. Granted he has gotten better in the last 6 months but is still 'forgetting' to go to the loo most days. Sometimes it is just a dribble, but on his last two days at nursery he has had a proper wee in his pants/trousers because 'he was too busy building' (his quote).

He is not dry at night (wears night pull ups) and nappy is full in the morning despite cutting back on late drinks and having him wee first thing.

I am trying to be positive and reassuring giving him stars for 'dry' days etc, but feel frustrated that I can't do/help more. All of my friends have boys who are dry during day and night so I feel completely on my own and wondering if this is normal or if there might be an underlying issue.

Does anyone else have this problem???(hmm)

Don't worry! DD who is 6 has only just stopped having routine accidents in the last 3 months. She occasionly wears Dry Nights and if she wears one she fills it whereas if she doesn't she is mainly dry. Your son is still well within the norm by a long shot.

Can only agree!!

Yup - we're similar! In fact, we've just had a week of 'accidents' with DS1 who'll be 4 next month - you're not alone.

Nothing I can add, just didn't want you to think you're alone - just keep on doing the washing!

I personally never did the stars route. As far as I can see, from thinking back over my four kids toileting journey's, the bladder/brain connection just matures when it matures so to speak.

Hi Zeemum,
I`ve just written a really long winded reply on another post (Night nappies Problem or not) I do go into the problems I had with one of my sons during the day so probable worth a read. Yes it can be increadably frustrating and comparing to everyone else is just going to make you even more peed off. I learnt along time ago to give up comparing they will sort things when the time is right for them. X

You have nothing to worry about. The question what is the right age is like how long is a piece of string. All children are different and I completely understand your concerns.
I have 4 children of my own. The eldest was clean and dry at 22mths and dry at night not long after. Second was c and d at 2 (I wasnt going to have 3 kids in nappies) and dry at night by 3. Twins have been a whole different ball game. T1 (girl) took ages to get the hang of potty training (2yrs 2mths) but has never looked back since and has been dry at night for ages now. T2 (boy) was great when we started potty training and then lapsed. He got to the point where preschool would phone me by 11.30 and ask me to take more trousers cos he had had 4 accidents in two hours! Then we could go a while without any and then back again to lots. Ive have tried shouting screaming, sticker charts, banning from playstation and nothing worked for him. As for getting him dry at night, not a chance.
Eventually i ended up in tears with my fab health visitor who managed to get him (almost 5 at that time) refered to an Enuretic clinic (I had neverheard of one until then) I had to measure how much urine he was outputting even when bursting. Turns out he had an overactive bladder and can only have coffee, tea blackcurrant, coke, chocolate (anything with caffeine in it) in very small doses as a rare treat. The caffeine irritates the bladder and the urine is released and there is nothing the child can do about it.
T2 will be 6 in January and touch wood has been great during the day for the best part of a year now. But night time forget it. He still wears pull ups which we keep in his drawers and he changes before he goes to bed at night and no one drawes any attention to it. Weve recently tried going without pants for a week. he had two dry nights out of that week Ive had extra washing everyday and he has had to be showered every morning before school. He doesnt wake up at night and lying in a wet bed doesnt wake him up. We are now back to pants its easier all round and prevents any undue presure on him. As my MIL would say how many 21 year olds wet the bed? Its something they all grow out of eventually. The Clinic have told me they wont consider addressing the bed wetting until he has turned 6 so for now we just plod along as we are.
My advice to you is dont worry. The people who knows that pants are being worn to bed are the people who you tell. If you choose not to disclose this to people think how many others are choosing not to disclose this to you. Things will change they just take some time. Best of luck for the future X

As for night wetting - both my adult dd's didn't manage that until 11 or 12 but having been a late bed wetter myself I didn't worry and it was a complete non-issue, unlike my parents who were the poster 'how not to handle bed wetting' parents.

Thank you all for your reassurance and advice. It feels much better knowing that I am not alone on this one! best wishes Zeemum

Hiya Z, ive got a 4 year old boy who just like yours is having accidents 2 during the day, most of the time is whe heis occupied in an acctividty or leaves it to late in going, ussually his sign when he needs it is when he starts doing a wee dance 2 try get rid of it and if he doesnt go then an accident will follow in a few mins, some days there can be none and some days it can be 3 or 4 times but as the mums above have said they all do it in there own time, i do remember one tip tho that ive stuck to is at night time not to cut down on drink as the bladder needs to learn to stetch and hold on to urine while sleeping, so far it has worked for my little one and he hasnt bed wetted yet and its been a year and a half not sure if its jsut luck or that it is the case with the bladder.
(ill probally be back on hear tomorrow saying that hes bed wetted as ive just bossted about it)
Sorry i cant be of any help i think its sumfing that will fase out eventually..

Good luck