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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

4 yr old started major crying sessions when we drop him at nursery

19 replies

Magscat · 09/06/2005 20:42

My ds is nearly 4 and has started getting really upset (tears, clinging, wailing) when we drop him at nursery. He's often been clingy in the past at drop off time but the nursery have always reassured me he is ok as soon as me or dp have left (I believe them). THis past week though he's been tons worse than before.

He is at the same nursery he has been at since he was 16 weeks old BUT his baby sister has started there in the baby room and I have gone back to work. I suspect his behaviour is related to one or both of these factors but don't know what I can do to make it easier for him and us when we have to leave him at nursery (2.5 days pw).

Any ideas ??

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dinny · 09/06/2005 20:44

Oh, Magscat, no real advice, just to offer sympathies as my dd unsettled at nursery at the moment. Maybe he feels too grown-up, ifyswim, and is reminding you he is a baby too....?

Original poster

Magscat · 09/06/2005 20:47

Thanks Dinny. Could be right about him wanting to be a baby still - he is also doing things like trying to sit in the baby bouncer or in the baby size car seat but it's obvious he knows it's silly (he laughs when he does it) & is just attention seeking.

DP thinks the tears are all part of the same attention seeking behaviour but he gets so upset. I can't help thinking it's more than that. Maybe I'm just being too soft.

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dinny · 09/06/2005 20:50

anything else changed at nursery? new teacher? friend left...?

Original poster

Magscat · 09/06/2005 20:54

There's one kid who's left but he wasn't a special freind. The other thing that's going on is that we've talked about school a bit as he'll be starting in September (I'm really looking forward to that - NOT!) so he could be getting a bit freaked about that already.
I think it's probably a combination of things but it comes out as him screaming that he doesn't want to go to nursery he just wants to stay at home even though we explain that we're at work and there's noone at home he asks to be taken home!

OP posts:

dinny · 09/06/2005 20:57

they are probably talking about him starting school a lot at nursery - worrying him?

singyswife · 09/06/2005 20:58

Hi You have my sympathies. My DD has been doing this for about 6 months now and it is a nightmare. They are okay once you leave them. Do the nursery make reference to his new sister when he is there. Maybe he doesn't like the fact that he not only has to share people at home but now the nursery is not his any more. Just give him lots of big boy praise and I am sure he will be fine.

Original poster

Magscat · 09/06/2005 20:59

Maybe. I'll ask them tomorrow and if that's the case I'll ask them to leave off the subject for a while.

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Original poster

Magscat · 09/06/2005 21:02

singyswife - I meant about leaving off the subject of school not his sister.

He's always been really proud to 'show off' his new sister when I've been there with her for visits/to pick him up but I think he finds it weird that she's in a room next door to him but they don't see each other. Not sure if it would make him better or worse if he was allowed in to the baby room though. (I haven't asked if he can yet).

Any idea what sets your dd off? How old is she?
What about your's Dinny?

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sobernow · 09/06/2005 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

singyswife · 09/06/2005 21:09

Yeah. I hope it gets better soon for him and for you. It is so hard to leave them when they are like that but you know that you have got to do it the only good thing is that they are fine when you leave them. IF they were not fine the nursery would be phoning you.

dinny · 09/06/2005 21:11

Magscat, dd has just moved nursery (our one merged with its big "sister"). She's a bit lost as it's HUGE. DS due to start there soon

Original poster

Magscat · 09/06/2005 21:15

Thanks for the support. I'm confident he's ok after a few minutes & I trust the nursery.

Don't you just wish you could get into their heads though? You know, really work out what's bothering them and find a way to explain/comfort/make it go away.

I've tried asking him at the end of the day what was upsetting him but it's too much later, he doesn't remember or just doesn't know.

Ho hum. Will just have to ride it out I guess.

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Original poster

Magscat · 09/06/2005 21:15

Dinny - I hope your ds starting makes things better for your dd. Fingers crossed she settles soon.

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sobernow · 09/06/2005 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dinny · 09/06/2005 21:23

It's heart-breaking, isn't it Magscat?

Original poster

Magscat · 09/06/2005 21:23

I don't feel I need them to call me because I know they would if they were really worried. Also, I've stood in another room where he can't see me and I've seen for myself that he usually calms down within a few minutes.
It's just getting him there and the initial separation that he seems to get upset about - that's why dp thinks he's just manipulating us.

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sobernow · 09/06/2005 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Magscat · 09/06/2005 21:31

I agree with that completely, Sobernow. He's always been worse going to nursery when we've been away on holiday. It's the reason we kept him going to nursery the whole time I was off on maternity leave. We knew that if we let him stay home he'd be a nightmare to settle down again nevermind start at school.

I'll give it another week or two before I start really worrying.

OP posts:

jenkel · 09/06/2005 21:52

My dd has been going to the same nursery for almost a year - she will be 3 in August and the last month has also been a nightmare. At her nursery, they start in one room and when they are 3 move up to the next room. I've spoken to the nursery staff and they think its a combination of lots of new children just starting after other moving up and that she is beginning to get a little bored. So I'm just going to try to stick at it until she moves up a room in September and then if she is still the same I'll pull her out.

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