4yr old temper trantrums, help

[cathess]

hi,this is a bit similar to the 3yr old thread. My youngest turned 4 in teh summer and has started school almost full time, however after school she gets into a complete 'madam' attitude which often results in a full blown tantrum, she can also have them at breakfast time (which is the worst) and have 3 or 4 a day. She goes through phases where they are very concentrated over a week or so and then months with none. I am however at the end of my tether. I get so cross listening to her wailing and screaming and even hitting me. My 2yr old is very good at ignoring them but I'm afraid he's going to pick up on the behaviour. I've been a full-time mum now for over years and I'm not sure if it's time for me to go back to work, I don't want to but I feel like I have no patience left. My parents and sister all think I've given in to her too easily in the past and given her too many choices. This is unsolicited advice which I'm finding hard to take, please help

What do you do when she has them? Do you give in in the end?

My advice would be to simply ignore, completely. But I know that is easier said than done.

I ignore as much as possible, always have done. it's difficult to get away from her, she'll follow us around the house. I try not to admonish her afterwards but praise her when I see that she could have gone into a tantrum but manages to get herself out of it. Sometimes I can see them coming and if I have the patience, I try to distract, other times, it could be as simple as she wants me to draw something for her but I can't do exactly what she wants and she just flares up. I think in the past I have given in to less extreme demands, simply to make life easier for myself and other baby but this hasn't been the norm

How is her behaviour at school?

she's great at school, no complaints at all, very helpful, very bright and gets on with everything. apart from the tantrums she's generally very well behaved at home as well.

She is tired. She has to be good all day at school, it is stressful and exhausting. She needs her tea as soon as you get through the door and then bed by about 6.30. IME. She is only 4. She probably hates the fact that her little brother is at home with you all day.

It is probably nothing to do with how you have parented her.

Full time school is really, really hard for a 4 year old

Totally agree with previous post. Mine (aged 4 and nearly 6) do exactly the same. They are tired on waking and tired when I pick them up from school, one or the other will generally throw a massive strop at one or both those times.

I tried asking my DD to tell me when she was tired, then I would give her a cuddle and she could "just sit quietly" for a minute. so far it actually works quite well (sometimes!).

Breadsticks or other easy snack food/distracting toys at school gates or as soon as they get in the door also tend to work for me, perhaps you could try that.

many thanks for your posts, they've really made me feel better, will try the tactics, thanks again

I agree as well - tiredness and blood sugar are major issues for the 4 yr olds I know on starting school

I always took DS a snack to eat on the way home from school and then dinner soon after and agree 6.30 is a good time for them to be in bed! Even if not sleeping, it's good for their day to be basically over in terms of activity and stimulation.

My ds had some tantrums even at four: but by 5 they were just gone.

So I'm sure that you're on the home straight now. It sounds to me as if you've dealt with it all just fine, don't worry