bullying? my 4 yr old DS in reception

[redheadmum]

My DS has just started school. He met a boy and they seemed to make friends. However, last week I noticed scratches (with blood) down his back and asked him what they were. My DS told me that this little boy had done it. Separately, unknown to me my DH had noticed a lot of bruises down his legs, my DS told him that this boy pinches him on the legs.

I mentioned it to the teacher, as my DS was too shy to tell her. She seemed surprised but agreed to keep a look out.

This week he tells me this boy is pushing him in the playground and then today that he threw his lunch on the floor.

The background to this is he was bullied in nursery, and he lost a lot of confidence. At 3 he was having bad dreams and kept asking if this other boy would hit him or take toys off him etc. We've just got his confidence back and now this is happening.

I don't know what to do! Anyone else had this experience??????

I think at this age it's probably too young to be talking about 'bullying'.

However, I sympathise with you and your little boy. It's not on that he is being physically attacked at school, and I think you need to be reassured again by the teacher that she will keep a close eye on the situation, separate your boy and this boy for the time being and talk to the little boy's parents about the situation.

Ask the playschool teacher what is going on. Has she seen anything? Can she actively keep an eye out for him this week and let you know what is happening.

As for your son, I would practice saying with him 'I do not like that, stop pinching me/hitting me' in a very loud voice and then to walk off and find a teacher. I know you said he is shy, but it is important to teach children that they can be assertive for themselves before they go and get an adult to help.

yes I agree. We have been doing role playing with him for some time ie

STOP I DON'T LIKE THAT pinching/hitting pushing etc, before he then gets a teacher/grown up.

At nursery they were great at doing role play games and we separated the boys. This definitely seemed to work.

I know I'm over sensitive now, but at nursery my DS was slapped accross the face, hit on the head with a spade, had stones thrown at him, as well as being hit and toys snatched off him etc.

I feel that I have to nip this in the bud asap, but equally I don't want to go overboard on something that isn't as serious...IUCWIM.

how would you handle the teacher? parent?

I wouldn't say anything to the parent atm. I would speak with the teacher and say, obviously I realise that at 4/5 children are a lot more free with their hands than we would like but the thing with this boy seems to be more than a one off and your son is quite upset about it. If it is hard enough for bruises/scratches has she noticed him being upset at school?

I would def ask her to specifically keep an eye one him this week and say you will come and see her again on Friday and see what she thinks. Ask your son where in school it is happening so she can watch in case it is toilets etc

That's a good idea. I'm finding it hard to have perspective on this as its my baby boy!

I'm going to speak to the teacher more formally tmw and see if she can shed any light on this.

thanks

I know this sounds really harsh, but the best we can do as parents is 'enpower' our children to say 'NO!" or "I don't like that!" . Meanwhile it's good that you flagged it up, and hopefully the teacher will keep an eye on things. Don't forget to gently ask every now and then how things are going at school.