Am I doing the right thing sending her to nursery? Long, sorry...

[dinny]

My dd is 3 and has been going to nursery since 16 months, two days a week. Initially took her ages to settle, then she loved it. However, our small nursery has recently (about 5 weeks ago) merged with its bigger sister one. DD is now in the pre-school bit, with a couple of old classmates (not her particular buddies though) and her teacher from the old nursery (though not one she knew really well). Anyway, she is v shy in many group situations and the teacher has said to be she doesn't participate in circle time etc and is much quieter than the other children. She seemed to imply she was behind the others, which she isn't - she says she just doesn't want to join in when there are "bigger boys". Just feel really upset nursery teacher doesn't seem to recognise she is shy and needs time to build her confidence up. She seems to be unfairly comparing her to the others, IMO. Anyway, this is really worrying me (obviously! am typing this sooo early in the morning). Am I expecting too much too young? Or is it good for her to be experiencing a larger nursery in preparation for school? I just don't know what to do. She says she likes nursery and she's not upset when there - just totally different from how she is at home, and that concernes me.
TIA, Dinny

In what context did the teacher comment. If she offered it without prompting maybe she's a bit worried about how's she's settling. If you asked perhaps she was just being honest (which is what you want) about how your DD is getting on. I personally wouldn't take 'she's v shy in many group situations and the teacher has said to be she doesn't participate in circle time etc and is much quieter than the other children.' as a negative assessment but as just that an honest assessment of how's she's getting on. But obviously you were there when she talked to you.

I work in nurseries and children of 3 come in all shapes and sizes. If she's happy to come but is not ready or willing to join in on large group activities yet I don't think there is really a problem. She'll join in when she's good and ready. My DD is 7 and still not particularly keen on large group activities without a lot of pushing and shoving. She misses out a lot because of it but thats her character, I will only make her worse if I try and get her to do things she's not comfortable with.

Also in my experience children often behave in a completely different way to how they behave at home. My son (also 3) is a completely different character at nursery (in another room) than he is with me.

Try not worry and give it time.

thanks Marypop, in haste as getting dd ready for nursery - yes, I did ask. initially said she was happy and settling down then I asked if she was still being shy.
dreading what today will bring. thanks for your post. Dinny

Personally,I wouldn't worry.
My dd is 3 and the complete opposite to your dd.She is loud,not at all shy.Infact she is a little quieter at home than she is at nursery.She just loves other kids especially older ones.So from her teachers I get the feed back that she doesn't like to participate in quieter activities,she won't play alone etc.She has a hard time sitting to listen to books being read. But to me that is her personality and I am not going to stamp and mould her personality into something the teachers believe she should be.
My ds is now 5,but he was/is very much like your dd.I had the teachers saying exactly the same to me.And I worried like crazy-is he going to fit in at school,is he better off not going to nursery.But in the end I figured that was his personality,the way he is. He enjoyed nursery,and I tried to level it out where he had some quiet time when he was at home,but I also made secial effort to take him to new places,to meet new people. He is now nearly at the end of reception class and he is doing brill.He started to bloosom once he started fulltime school-I think he loved the routine and discipline.He still prefers quieter activities and I have heard he spends some time playing alone at break times,but he now willingly joins in with others

thanks, Youngmama. have been to look at a smaller nursery today that I think may suit her better. am reluctant to change nursery again so soon (only been in this one for 5 weeks-ish). just don't know what to do for the best.