Social skills quiz/game

[binkie]

(This is inspired by dinosaur, so credit to her.)

Could those of you with children with good social skills please give me concrete examples of situations where they got it right? I want to build a sort of game/quiz for ds which can produce starting points for discussing things. Ds is 6, so it's aiming at primary school age skills.

Here's an example to start off (this was my dd, who's quite astute):

You are playing in a rockpool when a much younger child (who you don't know) starts throwing sand at you. Do you:
a) throw sand back (and more, just to show you're bigger)
b) shout at the child to stop, while standing still (and so continuing to be a target)
c) flash the child a bright smile and skip neatly but firmly out of reach, to continue with own game?

bump - please?

Someone must have a child who, even just once, has known what to do? (If sounding like boasting is the concern, it is in a good cause, truly - ds social-skills-of-a-cabbage needs any help going.)

sorry, can't help but wanted to 'bump' for you. For what it's worth my ds (2.8) would do (b) - and then tell me that the other child was naughty and 'we shouldn't throw things should we' - and then I would have to figure out how to deal with it (no clue, but like the idea of (c)). Hope someone with something helpful comes along soon.

Erm... I will think about this and come back to you. Ds2 actually has good social skills (at least compared to ds1!) But right now they are upstairs screaming and possibly killing one another, so I have to dash

OK, here goes Binkie:

When meeting an important grown-up mummy works with, who says hello and pleased to meet you, would you

a) not answer, surely grown-ups don't talk to small boys like that
b) throw a shape or two, scowl and say, I am Darth Vader
c) Say pleased to meet you too

(Marina Darth Vader, fab.

dd, who feels it's important to contribute, said "Hello. Is mummy your boss?")

You have a big bar of chocolate, and ten other children materialise around you, all asking for some. Do you...

a) keep giving chocolate to all who ask until there's none left
b) give them all a small bit, then tell them politely that the rest is for you
c) cram it quickly in your mouth all at once so they can't get it

Another child has a bar of chocolate. Do you...

a) keep your mouth shut because its watering so much
b) ask for a bit, because you gave them a bit of yours yesterday
c) tell them that chocolate is against the school rules

The other child refuses to give you a bit of chocolate, even though they had a bit of your last week. Do you...

a) accept in humble silence
b) tell them politely that they aren't nice, and they won't be getting any chocolate from you in future.
c) bite them

Your mummy refuses to buy you a chocolate bar in the supermarket. Do you...

a) burst into tears and shout loudly "You are a Bad Mummy!"
b) wait til Mummy's not looking and ask Daddy to buy it for you instead
c) say "That's alright Mummy, can I have some fresh carrot sticks instead?"

god, this parenting business is hard eh....

I made up a little quiz some time ago, mainly for my ds2 when he was about 7. Ds1 (2 years older)luckily was charm personified so for some reason we didn't have to worry about him. Can't remember all of it but hth

1.You are at a playdate with a schoolfriend. His/her mummy cooks something you don't like the look of for tea. Do you
(a) say "thank you, I'll try it to see if I like it"
(b) say loudly "that's yuk I'm not eating that"
(c) quietly eat the bits you do like and at the end say "thank you; it's just that chicken/cheese/fish isn't my favourite, but I liked the potato/egg/whatever"
(d)say "please could you make me a slice of bread and butter"

2. A child in your class is boasting about how good they are at something. Do you
   (a) join in and boast about something yourself
   (b) say " oh really" then try and talk about something else
   (c) say " no you're not great at swimming/art/times tables/football; you're rubbish"

3. Some friends of mummy and daddy have come round for lunch with their children who are your friends. You (the children) have eaten; the grownups are sitting down for their lunch.
   Do you
   (a)hang about butting into the conversation
   (b) encourage your friends to play in the garden/your bedroom/anywhere but around the table
   (c)ask for more food now even though you can't possibly be hungry again yet

4. A playdate at your house. Your friend wants to play with something you think is soooo boring. Do you
   (a) say "ok let's do that " (quietly hoping they will get bored after 5 minutes)
   (b) say "no we're doing this instead; it's my house and I get to choose"
   (c) say "ok but only for a bit. I want to show you my new bike/scooter/painting set"

I can't remember the rest, but some obvious scenarios (if your ds is anything like mine was) include
how to react in public when someone's appearance is, ahem, far from your child's norms; how to bhave around much younger children, ie. learning to cut them some slack, and not be too competitive, whether they be siblings, cousins, friends or strangers; how to greet adults with a modicum of charm (then disappearing to let the grownups have some downtime).

I'm really not boasting but my ds2(9) was an absolute social nightmare from toddlerhood until about ooh 18 m ago. He always did manage to have some friends but he has really blossomed now and is extremely popular with children, their parents and his teachers, who tell me he has lovely manners, eg. without saying anything he will quietly put all the chairs up after the school art club ends for the afternoon. He will also speak to adults he doesn't know well, using their names, as opposed to silently scowling at them fro underneath his eyebrows, which was the norm not so long ago!

One other thing. When you are with him and see a "situation" developing in front of you, you can sometimes stem the flow of social excrutiation by making eye contact with your child and using an agreed gesture or phrase to him. I find this sometimes remined him he was "on the wrong track" socially, and therefore needed to think really carefully about what he was saying or doing.
He is now the 2nd of 4 children; i used to use the quiz in a fun way with the oldest 3 just to amuse them, but they soon developed much better social instincts.

You lot are fantastic. This is exactly what I was hoping for (and, stilltrue, more!)

Ds's basic problem is probably around level of response - so: you're having lunch at school and someone knocks over their water and it goes on your plate. Do you:

a) say, oops better get something to mop that up
b) say, ta for that now I don't have to eat the baked beans
c) shriek as if the world was ending

I've got some stuff I meant to email you before which may or may not be helpful. I'll send it in a minute.

The following are scenarios which have struck me - some because ds1 has 'failed', some because ds2 has coped well:

1. If you're at the swimming pool/park/whatever with your cousin Bob, and another friend from school Jim is there and says hello, do you:
   a) Completely ignore Jim and continue to play with Bob
   b) Say "Hello" to Jim but continue to play with Bob
   c) Say "Hello" to Jim and invite him to play with you and Bob.

2. After school a child you don't know well comes up to you and says "Hi Pete!" Do you:
   a) Say "Hi what's your name?"
   b) Completely ignore him and carry on talking to your mum
   c) Say "Hello again! I'm sorry, I can't remember your name"

3. On Christmas day when you are very excited to tell everyone at church about your fantastic presents: Do you:
   a) Greet everyone with "Happy Christmas! What did you get for Christmas" and then listen politely to the answer.
   b) Wait until someone asks you what you got, and then talk at length about your presents.
   c) something else!

4. You invite your friend Bob to play. You have spent all morning setting up the trainset as you know he likes to play trains. When Bob arrives he says "I don't want to play trains today. I want to play with the Lego instead!" Do you:
   a) Refuse to play with him
   b) Explain that you've spent a long time setting up the trainset and ask again if he'd like to play with the trains.
   c) Put the trains away and get the Lego out instead.

I know completely what you mean by "level of response" ... I'll see if I can think of some examples later.

You'rein the house of Mummy's Friends, and although everyone is being perfectly pleasant to you they aren't focused on you. Do you

(a) go completely silent and burst into tears unexpectedly
(b) interrupt loudly saying 'can we talk about X now?'
(c) pull your mother's hand quietly to get her attention back on you

(DD1 did b, I'm afraid)