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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Parents of screamers, please tell me it gets better?

27 replies

misdee · 25/09/2009 14:40

dde4 is a screamer. dawn til dusk and at night.

she doesnt sleep much. when she does sleep its not for long.

if i'm out of her sight, even in the car when i'm driving, she screams. most kids tire themselves out and give up by 30mins surely? she keeps going.

as soon as she is back with me she stops. well most of the time. last nigth she screamed on and off for 2hours. she swcreams in the bath, she screams out of the bath, she screams dressed or undressed.

she is 10months old, has milk, egg and nut allergies, suffers refquent ear infections, and screams. is breastfed, and i carry her most places as otherwise she screams.

i cant leave with anyone, not even dh as she will scream and scream. have tried it.

she is utterly miserable, and i dont know why.

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Original poster

misdee · 25/09/2009 15:04

please please.

right now, i will do anything to stop the screaming.

OP posts:

LadyoftheBathtub · 25/09/2009 15:11

Sorry have not had a screamer but bumping for you.

You can leave her with someone else anyway - to give you a break.

crumpet · 25/09/2009 15:16

Is it definitely with you that she stops screaming, and not if other people cuddle her (trying to see if there is something physicallly uncomfortable which is eased by cuddling, or whether it has to be you iyswim)

crumpet · 25/09/2009 15:17

sorry, just saw that you did answer that in your op. so wounds like cranial osteopathy might not be a runner then

Original poster

misdee · 25/09/2009 15:18

its me she wants.

she wants to be held by me all the time. dh can get her to sleep at times, but generally its me. she wont even let grandparents hold her at all. she wont let aunts or uncles near her.

its full on screaming, followed by sobbing and that sobbing thing when they cant calm down, snot, tears the full works.

OP posts:

crumpet · 25/09/2009 15:18

"so sounds"

but thinking about it,it might be worth looking into something like cranial osteopathy though, as it certainly made my ds sleep well after each session.

Highlander · 25/09/2009 15:32

do you think she is in pain, even if it'snot obvious?

Is she teething - is this a bad thing if her ears are generally sore?

Does she improve if you give her Ibuprofen?

Is she consitpated?

Highlander · 25/09/2009 15:34

DS2 was awful at that age - totally clingy, would go berserk unless he was being held, and it was all worse if he was ill.

Really feel for you.

Original poster

misdee · 25/09/2009 15:40

will try ibruprofen tonight. she has a swollen gland on her neck which is always up, GP has seen it, and commented that she has a lot of swollen glands (one on neck is very noticable) but at the time she had another ear infection, so we put it down to that. am unsure if thats linked in anyw3ay to the screaming.

she is like an angry angry baby.

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Highlander · 25/09/2009 15:44

I'm sure you know this already, but just covering my ass if she is ill.......

make sure she is fully hydrated if giving ibuprofen, and that you've ruled out any possibility of reflux and asthma.

Do you have help with the other girls if you're hanging onto your DD4? Is your DH able to cook tea and do bathtimes??

Original poster

misdee · 25/09/2009 15:49

yes dh helps, and somestime i can grab 30ins without dd4 as she is being quiet with dh. he took hetr out last week whilst i went to aquafit, and she screamed if he left the room at in-laws house. she is very unsettled.

its hard as am looking for work, but cant bear her screaming whilst i'm gone

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meandjoe · 25/09/2009 16:01

Has she always been like this? If she is OK when you hold her (I may be wrong) but I think it's unlikely to be illness. Obviously kids are always clingy if they are ill or in pain but from what you describe she just sounds like my ds.

Try and search about stuff on here about high needs babies. I had one the same as your dd. They are just screamers, need a lot of holding, movement, stimulation, comforting etc..... very hard work. I do sympathise.

DS hated being in the car, hated getting dressed/ changed, hated pushchair/ highchair anything but being held and walked around with.

Does she crawl yet?

meandjoe · 25/09/2009 16:05

......have you tried cranialk osteopathy? We tried it for our ds but as there was nothing physically wrong with him it didn't help but it may be worth a look just to make sure there's nothing else bothering her. Oh and yes, it does get better, at 10 months ds was a nightmare, much better by 16 months when he could talk and now at 2 he is still strong minded and his favourite word has always been no but he is on the whole fab!

Bucharest · 25/09/2009 16:09

Dd was a screamer at that age, but just seemed to do it for fun tbh, because she'd suddenly found she could...drove me potty as well, so can only imagine how it is if it's a clingy stressy type of scream rather than a listen-to-me kind....

Dr Sears website has quite a lot of stuff on high needs children....(he can be a bit huggy and full on but some of it is OK)

Otherwise a chat with your HV or doc might be an idea, especially if she does seem to be in pain....

Hope it gets better for you soon.

Original poster

misdee · 25/09/2009 17:09

thank you.

have googles high needs children/babies and yes it does 'fit' dd4, but am reluctant to label her at such a young age.

seems like i just have to go with the flow.

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Original poster

misdee · 25/09/2009 17:18

oh and will take to HV. thought they probably wont get it, as dd4 is always happy when she is with me.

OP posts:

Original poster

misdee · 25/09/2009 18:52

here starts the evening session...

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mathanxiety · 25/09/2009 20:04

I had one like this and she's lovely now, eleven years later... I was at my wits end and thought I was doing everything wrong until I came across William and Martha Sears book, The High Needs Baby, or some such title. She remained intense, and was allergic to a lot of things, but when she began to talk she calmed down a bit.

mathanxiety · 25/09/2009 20:05

Meandjoe, so funny your DS's favourite word is No -- this was my DD's first (and favourite) word.

Clayhead · 25/09/2009 20:06

Similar experience for me, dd screamed almost constantly for the first few months but calmed down considerably when she could talk.

It really got to me TBH, people constantly suggesting what might be wrong with her, everyone had an opinion! My parents thought it was karma as apparently I was the same...

Original poster

misdee · 25/09/2009 20:24

well she has started to crawl. but generally crawls towards me whilst screaming

i feel sorry for her as i just dont really know how to deal with it. if dd4 was my first child, i suspect she would be my last. though dh would love more [no chance]

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 27/09/2009 06:59

Is she your 4th? Mine too -- how strange is that?

Original poster

misdee · 27/09/2009 07:20

she is my fourth

have ahd a rough few nights with her, had to hand her to dh and leave the room as i was too wound up to deal with her. am barely functioning some days due to lack of sleep. she has been climbing on me all night

OP posts:

Allets · 27/09/2009 09:06

Hi Misdee - I am an oldie, back from the grave with a name change, so I know you from way back (our DC2 are similar ages and were both big babies).

My DD (DC3) was a screamer. She screamed from aged 6 months until she was 18 months old.

She screamed morning, noon and night. She was terribly antisocial. If anybody other than me or DH so much as looked at her, she would just scream her little heart out.

It got to the point, where I just wanted to give her away. I decided, in the interests of my own sanity to send her to daycare for 2 days a week. She screamed inconsolably for the first hour of each day for 2 weeks, then she stopped crying and all of a sudden, like magic, she stopped crying at home.

10 months later (she's 28 months old now)she is the MOST independent, happy little girl. She is very self assured and confident.

I am sorry that I have no real words of wisdom, other than I totally understand how you feel and hopefully you can take comfort from the fact that it will, one day, come to an end.

It's because of this, that I point blank REFUSE to have another baby.

Allets · 27/09/2009 09:14

The car.... shudder. I remember how awful DD was in the car. She just hated it and would scream and perform. I used to wonder to myself if she was the only baby in the entire world who wouldn't nap in the car and would end up feeling anxious and tearful if we had to go anywhere in the car.

Horrid.

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