Difficult concept to explain to a 8yo

[gorionine]

I need a bit of help with a situation that is getting more and more out of hand. 8yo boy who needs confidence boost AND needs to learn to be able to laugh about himself.

Do you know any book adressed to children that talk about the concept of "laughing with someone" rather than "at someone"?

bumping for myself!

I'm sure you're right that it's about confidence. I bought a book called 'Confident Children' which was sensible, but a bit obvious I thought. It was about learning to be a good listener (the parent learning that is), so that you can talk to your children properly and constructively and help them to feel comfortable expressing their opinions. Lots of other things too, but for me it was a bit the same as the gazillion things I've learned on staff management courses at work, so not really new.

Another good book I thought was "Raising Boys" by Steve Biddulph.

Is there some comedy for kids? Maybe watch Mr Bean with him and show how the actor makes himself silly on purpose to make people laugh because it's fun for them to laugh.

Can't recommend any books other than perhaps a few good joke books. Telling jokes is a great way of introducing the concept of laughing with others.

Drama was a good way of improving my daughter's self esteem and developing her ability to 'be laughed at'. There are times when it is appropriate to laugh at someone.

How about something like this? It might get him thinking about what's funny, and how to make people laugh by making yourself look a little silly (and that it feels good to make people laugh).

The problem is he does have a great sense of humour, just not when it is about him.

If he, lets say, falls of his bike (no injury involved) and I was to enquire about how he is with a smile on my face and adding something like "Have you ever thought about becomming a stuntman?" to take his mind of things, I get "You are mean, you're making fun of me when I have just had a bike accident!" (usually either screaming or sobbing).

I have tried in so many different situations to exlain that I am NOT laughing at the fact that he might have got hurt, but I am actually trying to make HIM smile. It has never worked, he always takes it badly.

Now it is a problem for me on two different grounds:

1. nothing I try seems to help

1. it really me that he actually thinks I am horrible enough to find that the fact he fell makes me laugh.

I need to find what approach I need to have in similar situations with him (I ave 3 other dcs and it generally works to take their mind off things to calm down situations (does not mean I am not listening to them IYSWIM, but that I would rather them to relax and calm down in order to be able to tell me what happened or how they feel)

I think DS thinks he is not taken seriously if the person dealing with him so much as smiles when dealing with it.

I am sorry because re reding myself, I realise it is a bit confused.

Oh and please, feel free to let me know if I am really out of order and Ds is right and I am horrible!

Hence the clowning reference....when the whole point of falling off a bike is to make yourself and your audience happy.

I will give it a try.

Am not sure totally convinced though; I do not want him to think he needs to be the house clown, I just want him to realise that sometimes people laugh to try and make things better, not to hurt his feelings.

If he prefers you to act in a more serious way in such situations then I think that maybe you should try to. Since he doesn't lack a sense of humour, he just doesn't think it is appropriate to laugh at someone when there is the potential that they may have hurt themselves. My DC can be like this sometimes.

I'm not suggesting that you make him put on a show .
Perhaps take him to a circus, or wait until he goes to a party with an entertainer and talk afterwards about what they did, and why people laughed. Or next time you have a (minor) accident make sure you try and make the sort of comments about yourself that you hope to hear from him.

Sorry it's a tough one - and I wish I could get DH to have a slight better SoH about some of these things too.

Yes, I think you are right thedolly, I will have from now on to keep it a bit more "formal". I would not want him to think everything is a big deal but for the time being, your way seems sensible to me.

my dss are like this too. I think keep telling him, and remind him that just laughing when you've done something daft is infinitely more cool than having a strop about it. It's the best way to stop people laughing at you.

piprabbit, the leading by example thing, now that I like very much! I wilkl try that in parallel as more down to earth approache!

Romanarama, that is good too, I never thought about using the way people will percieve him as a "strop deterrent".

I new I could count on some NM good souls to shed a new light on it. I think it is hard to see the bigger picture when you feel like you go through the same silly argument day in day out. Thank you all!