How can i be sociable when DD isnt?? HELP!!!!!!

[Mandymoo]

Hi

DD is 2.5 and only child at the moment. Both me and DH are not particularly confident or outgoing people. Anyway, was at a playgroup this morning (dont you just love em?).

Kind of went on my own although i knew a couple of other mums i know would probably be there too. Tried to be sociable and make small talk with a few of the mums but DD kept grabbing hold of my hand and pulling me away to whatever she wanted to play with. It was quite a small room and not very busy. I tried to explain to DD that mummy was talking and that she could go and play and mummy would watch but she started to get grumpy so for a quiet life I went with her.

How should i deal with this? It happens most of the time when we are out and about and its beginning to get me down. I feel like we might as well stay at home at play if DD doesnt want to mix and I'm not allowed to speak to anyone!!

I know i cant wave a magic wand and turn my DD into something she isnt but what can i do to help her mix in a bit more as well as feel more confident about going off to play and leaving me at groups? Its not that i dont want to interact with her at groups cos i do its just a bit infuriating when it happens constantly.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated XX

MANDY

I think it's quite normal for a 2.5 year old to not want to play much with other kids. My son is nearly 4 and his preferred play pal is still me most of the time.

Play groups/Mums & toddlers groups are hard work I think. Do any of the other Mum's play with their kids while they are there? Would it be possible to sit next to another Mum playing with a kid and talk to her while your kids play next to each other as opposed to with each other?

Magscat - thanks for your reply. Er... most of the other mums were sat around in a group and the children were nearby. Thats the thing, DD doesnt like being in large groups and prefers it to be just me and her. I find this frustrating as we could stay at home and do that. If more than a couple of people come near us she wants to escape.
I dont want to force it on her but at the same time i would like her to get something from going to these groups.

Ambrosia - thanks for your reply - i do have one close friend and we meet up regularly at each others houses. She has a boy same age as DD. You're right - DD doesnt want to know me when she has her friend to play or when she is playing at their house. So why is it different at groups?

XX

She is very young and i think that if she needs the reassurance of you at the moment you may just have to grin and bear it. But how about trying to adapt things slightly, find things that she can bring to you to do so you can carry on chatting at the same time? It is hard but eventually she will get used to going and should gain confidence.

My dd was the same and M&T groups, i used to play with her, cos my aim of going to these groups was to encourage her to socialise, after a few weeks she started to build her confidence and would wander off on her own.

I think you need them to build trust and confidence before you can expect them to start "mingling" at these places.

Thanks for all your replies - i've been taken her to groups since she was 6 months old so its not as if this is a new thing. But i know that i feel a bit wary when i'm in these darn groups (!) so i can completely understand why dd does too.

We go swimming and to a sing and dance group but when it comes to getting up to dance she wants me to pick her up. Again i think its a group thing cos she quite happily sits on my lap to sing.

I've kind of just gotten on with it and kept going. It was just after today i thought i would seek some expert advice!XX