5yo behaviour

[melbob]

My Ds 5.2 is usually a easy going kid but when he does lose it it is spectacular. (frequency = once every 10 days or so) Today he threw a tantrum on way home from school (he is hanging tired) and it went on and on. In the end DH (one of life's laidback individuals) was so p**d off that he knelt down and said in a quiet but v v firm voice "Do you want me to smack your bottom" We have never smacked DS and DH had no intention to do so and is now beating himself up. They came home (in silence) and DS went to his room to get change came down after 10 mins and went in to the garden with fave stuffred toy then came in and apologised.

In terms of a one off I think no prob DS was tired, DH dealt with it and DS thought about his behaviour and apologised.

However, neither DS nor I can hack the drama of it all screaming, yelling your so unfair, your not being nice etc. Any tips on how we help him manage his frustration better?

I feel for you. And am impressed too.. to feel so guilty about even saying that quietly.

The only advice I might offer would be to anticipate such moments rather than firefight, so that it doesn't become a telling off issue.

eg (something I tried but it's just an example) if they are usually scratchy walking home from school give them an apple, it keeps them occupied and they can't scream while they're eating it.

Sorry that's not a good example but do you know what i mean? I mean stopping it starting rather than trying to deal.

Anyway you sound like smashing parents and all I can say as a mother of olders is....this too will pass.

I used to do what your DH did when I was in the street when my DD was younger. I don't care what anybody says about the child thinking they can get away with anything when they're out because I wont humiliate both myself and my DD by yelling/smacking her in the street (and I have been told that)

My DD is now 8 and is really grateful that I didn't embarass her by making a fuss when she was smaller. I used to go right up to her ear and say that if she didn't stop that I'd take whatever her fave toy was at the time away from her when we got home. It worked for me 9 times out of 10, I think, like your DH, it's the menacing firm voice.

This is one of the phase things, I thought my DD would never get through it, but we did, and you will

Thanks both. Guess we'll keep on keeping on! Good point re snack DH waits til he gets home I slip him a rich tea or apple.
DS started karate today so is knackered but was very well behaved all day and night before bed so no doubt just one of those things

sceptics advice is good.
If as you say they only happen every 10 days, which is actually not that frequent then, rather than say every other day, what are the actual trigger points ? I mean I know this sounds simplistic but if you talk to your dh (who sounds like an absolute diamond by the way) you might even surprise yourself by actually working out alot more than you may think you can.
Plus there is a richter scale. I mean what did you threaten him with first? No point going straight for the smack threaten, where does that leave you to go ?
Threaten no riding to school on your bike tomorrow first, or no tv later, or whatever really hits home with your ds.
Later, in a time of calmness, really talk to dh about when this happens, why it happens. You canprob answer you own questions. And at a time of calm talk to ds. Say this is not acceptable and has to stop. He is 5 and two year old tantrums are just not o.k. He has to learn to express his emotions, frustrations and anger, as a young man.
At ds's(5.8) school they have 'emotional discussions' about how to treat friends and what makes them frustrated and how to explain what makes them angry, frustrated and how to express this is a suitable way that is easy for a 5 year old to do. You could try that yourself.
HTH.

But, all this with a pince of salt. He is ONLY 5 [smile}