When do children make friends?

[2Siobhan]

Ds has a speech delay and have been aware that he finds it hard to play with children his own age. Whenever I pick him up from nursery he is always playing alone away from the group. He isn't aware or bothered by this. He recently finished at this nursery and hasn't taken away any friends from there. He has a cousin the same age who seems to have made lot of friends and is often having play dates or birthdays to go to. His mum asked me if we wanted to do a joint birthday 4th birthday party this year (their birthdays are close) and I was very up for it as we invite the same family anyway however she want to do it with "their friends" and they each invite 6. Ds has no friends yet and really dont want to point this out. He won't feel like its his birthday if everyone and all the presents are for his cousin.

xxx

If he is happy and not aware that he is playing alone then I wouldn't be too concerned at the moment. He is still very young and quite often at 3 years, little boys are still content in their own company. Have the nursery mentioned it at all?

As regards the birthday, if you are not comfortable with a joint party then please don't have one. I would suggest a joint family party with the attention on both boys, but say you think it is best if they do not invite personal friends as they are still pretty young and there could be friction or fall outs.

On his actual birthday, why don't you speak to the nursery and ask who your DS seems to play with or who they think he would play well with if the opportunity was there. Why not invite this child (no more than 2 children) to your house for a special birthday tea. Maybe having a little friend in his own house and someone who he can show his toys too etc, may make it easier for him to make a little friend and develop the relationship.

I really hope things work out - you sound as if you love your DS very much.

DD is 3.5 and very chatty and makes no friends in social settings, although she plays with her brother and our CM's friend (although sometimes unwillingly). I'm waiting until preschool until I worry.

I'd do as sweethoney suggests about the party. Have a family do if there's no-one obvious to invite.

My DTs are very chatty and confident little things, but I have no idea who they play with at nursery, despite fact that I know they do separate things when they are there (ie they're not playing with each other). If I was in the OP's position, I would have no idea who to invite either. So for their birthdays so far, we've had family and invited our friends who have kids the same age - they're all perfectly happy to play together.