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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

2 year old dd insists she is a boy

27 replies

Pushingonthrough · 05/09/2009 21:06

I'm pretty sure this is a phase but thought I would throw it out there and see if anyone has had similar experiences.

We have 2 dds. From a very early age our youngest has gravitated towards the more traditionally masculine toys ie trucks, cars football etc. She now only wants to play with cars, dinosaurs, action figures, trains etc. In recent weeks she has refused to wear anything pink or even remotly girly. I took her clothes shopping and she wanted Thomas and Ben 10 tops! She won't touch anything that slightly resembles a girls item of clothing, regardless of colour - v annoying as I have sacks of girly hand me downs! (My eldest is a total princess).

Last week she got very upset when my dd1 called her a girl. She insisted she is a boy and was very distressed about it. We've had the same protestations ever since. She is also quite "boyish" in her mannerisms iyswim.

I was a total tomboy, but grew up with 3 older bros. But it was also a gradual thing - it certainly wasn't apparent at 2!

So any ideas? Is this a common phase or a possible gender issue? I would be interested to hear of any similar experiences.

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morocco · 05/09/2009 21:10

can tell you all about ds2 -he loved pink from the age of 2, loved dora, used to say 'when I was a girl' etc. either he was living out a past life lol or he just really fancied the idea of all things girlie. we went with it, bought the dora tops and socks, duvet, dolls etc. He's now a football playing, muddy and messy boy who's long left his 'pink phase' behind him.

his younger sister is benefiting from all the girlie stuff though - she's 2 and loves pink and dora. she also adores thomas, ben 10 and football . go with the flow - it does them no harm

Original poster

Pushingonthrough · 05/09/2009 21:18

Thanks morocco.

I'm totally going with the flow - actually quite pleased not to be drowning in more pink plastic crap

I know someone who has gone through gender realignment so maybe I'm just oversensitive to the possibility.

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NightShoe · 05/09/2009 21:22

DD was very boyish at 2, asked for a train set and garage for christmas, insisted on wearing trousers and "boyish" colours etc. She is now 3.2 and has started making noises about having a baby doll and dolls house for christmas (so strange for her I nearly fell over) and now loves to be in pink dresses. I think it is peer pressure now she is at nursery. It is all just a phase, but even if it isn't is doesn't really matter does it?

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 05/09/2009 21:24

DS1 (5) has a friend at school who wears boys undies, boys clothes, boys haircut, she is gorgeous, and although she has been like this since we first met her when she was 2.
However there are small changes happening, when she came to DS1's birthday she bought a little pink handbag that she woudln't let go of (even when climbing trees with the boys) she was so proud of it.
Inside she had a compass incase she needed to find her own way home, a whistle incase she needed help and her favorite stone of the week

she is adorable.

morocco · 05/09/2009 21:30

greyskull

slowreadingprogress · 05/09/2009 21:30

aww greyskull that is just so redolent of childhood isn't it - a little pink bag with a compass, a whistle, and a stone I love that!

Original poster

Pushingonthrough · 05/09/2009 21:36

No nightshoe, it doesn't matter in the least. I'm just interested to hear of other similar experiences.

BTPOG - Your ds1's friend sounds like a real cutie. Lol at "stone of the week"!

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Wonderstuff · 05/09/2009 21:50

Love the stone of the week
My dd is nearly 2 and she refuses to accept that girls exist. All children are boys, she is a boy, mummy is a boy. She has cousins who are brother and sister and she calls them both by the boys name. Is very frustrating for her pink glitter obcessed female cousin.

I watched something that said that toddlers have a really fluid concept of gender, they think that if you dress like a boy for example you become a boy, that gender can change when you grow up. Bless em, must be a weird and wonderful world they inhabit.

fiver · 05/09/2009 21:52

OMG my DD says she's a boy too. But I just put this down to her not really having much understanding of gender. She regularly gets boys and girls mixed up.

She's not particularly girly or boyish and she likes all sorts of toys from dolls to Thomas the Tank engine, but I assume this is normal too.

I have a friend with 2 DDs - one is very girly and the other the total opposite, she won't wear skirts or dresses and has a 'boys' bedroom. I admire her confidence to be different from most other girls her age and stand by what she likes (rather than what she thinks she SHOULD like).

Wonderstuff · 05/09/2009 21:53

Should add she is a boy until she can't get what she wants or is in trouble then 'I'm a baaaby'

Boodlerpoop · 05/09/2009 23:10

I was like this from an early age, right up until about 11 or 12.....got a toy tractor for Christmas, (and a doll, which I didn't ask for and hid)cut my own hair because I didn't want 'girl hair', was basically the worst tomboy ever Am now very girly, DH had a laugh when shown my childhood photos Is probably just a phase, as mine was ( albeit a long one!)

FiveGoMadInDorset · 05/09/2009 23:14

DD is like this, she is 3.8, refuses to wear girls clothes and although plays sometimes with dolls is much more into boys stuff. She always said that she was a boy if asked but now if you ask her whether she is a boy or a girl she says I'm Edie. I am not worried about it. We have already started talking about the fact she has to wear a dress to school. Most of her friends are boys so I guess that is what she gravitates to.

DEMifnotwhynot · 05/09/2009 23:20

JUst a suggestion but as lo are supposed to develope their own persoanlity around this age -may she is trying to find stuff that is just hers. If she is shuning all the stuff her big sis loves maybe she just wants to be someone different. Could trying reassuring her that is doesnt matter what she wants to play with and that she is special no matter what she plays with might settle it. But i have a technical brain and not interested in girly things. Loved lego and wooden railway as a kid. My doll got chicken pox and had it hair cut before limbs were lost. SOme girls just prefer less girly activities. Doesnt mean they are going to end up being gender confused. Just means they have a bit more spirit and are not the normal little girl.

CarrieDababi · 05/09/2009 23:22

when i was a kid i wanted to be a boy.
had 2 older brothers

had short hair and loved it when people called me a boy by accident

i also though the clitorus would grow into a willy as that what my brothers told me, that it was a small willy waiting to grow!

mathanxiety · 05/09/2009 23:36

I knew a girl who got away with playing sports on a boys' team (this was before it was legal or acceptable) until she was at least 10, and she was very good, too. I never remember her wearing anything remotely girly except her school uniform -- I think she actually wore her brother's handmedowns, mostly. She loved sports, turned out to be a good athlete, v. good at maths (although this is not to say only boyish girls are good at maths), and is now an engineer making a very nice salary and balancing her career with motherhood.

Jux · 05/09/2009 23:46

I was in between my two brothers, though I'm not sure that had much to do with it. Anyway, from the age I realised there was a difference up until about 4 I had days when I was Jeremy and days when I was Jonathon. I would inform my mum as she got me dressed and woe betide her if she got it wrong!

She tells a story where she was looking round for me in a shop, calling "Jux, Jux"; eventually I turned, long blonde hair, wearing a dress, announcing very angrily "And I'm JONATHON". She looks she got

musicposy · 05/09/2009 23:50

My eldest was just like this at 2. I look back at all the photos and she's in Thomas the Tank engine clothes in most of them. I even had to buy her boys pants because she didn't like the girl ones. She was obsessed with trains. We spent our whole lives on stream railways.

By school age things had chamged a little, though not without a few tears along the way. At nursery she wanted to play with the boys on all the boys things. They told her she couldn't, only boys were allowed. We did grumble to the nursery and they said they'd watch out for it, but the peer pressure was strong.

By 6 she was seriously into Barbie and the house was overflowing with pink plastic tat. She's 13 now and still really girly.

I quite miss the Thomas phase, actually . So no, I wouldn't worry. 2 is very young. Maybe at 7, I'd think there were gender issues. But not at 2.

mathanxiety · 06/09/2009 01:07

What a silly school . Can they get away with that in this day and age? School is where things can be rough for non-conformists in the gender area. I always kept my DDs' hair short when they were young, but the day they hit kindergarten, they insisted on growing it long. I always noticed that the girliest girls, with elaborate plaited hsirstyles and/or fancy ribbons were the most popular in classes until about 3rd elementary. For that reason, I always, as a mum, admired the girls with moxie enough to do their own thing.

zazen · 06/09/2009 01:20

As a child, I, l used to have really short hair, do a lot of sports, play with lego, loved astronomy, maps, clocks, meccano etc, and never was interested in dollies or girly things.

I am a scientist working in IT and all my female friends from childhood are nerds like me - mostly well paid engineers / doctors.

My DD likes a lot of roughhousing, loves horses, lego, climbing, trains, dinosaurs, and seems to be quick at maths, and has loved all these boyish things from the get go.

Now she's in school, she wears pink more, and seems to be going all googly eyed with 'My little Pony' atm.

I don't think you have worry about your DD OP as kids are very flexible in their reality, and their world is extremely fluid: she's just trying different realities on for size.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 06/09/2009 10:44

Oh yes, DD will only wear boys pants.

TheBolter · 06/09/2009 10:51

Pushing, my experience with dd2 (who's four next month) is exactly the same as yours. Total princess for an older sister, but dd2 is a tomboy. Wears boys pants, is into dinosaurs, Thomas, trucks etc... the lot.

She started like this about two years ago and at one point she categorically refused to be referred to as a boy and wouldn't associate with any girls other than her sister.

However she's changing... she now insists on wearing girls clothes every other day (she won't mix and match boys and girls clothes though and she has VERY eccentric strong ideas about what she wears and her whole self image) and she is slowly becoming more feminine.

It's probably just a phase. You're doing the right thing by letting her roll with it. Even if she doesn't change it's fine - tomboys are great fun!

TheBolter · 06/09/2009 10:52

sorry, was meant to say she refused to be referred to as a girl!!

mimsum · 06/09/2009 22:30

one of my friends has identical twins - one was really girly and the other went in the opposite direction - between 3 and 4 she would never wear anything pink or frilly, insisted on having her hair short and had times when she would only answer to the name "Brian" - when she was being Brian she'd talk in a really deep, gruff voice

she's 15 now, into make-up, clothes, boys - she's still got a very idiosyncratic sense of style but she looks fantastic and seems v well adjusted

Acanthus · 06/09/2009 22:33

My DS insisted he was a DOG for weeks - I guess that was just a phase

Original poster

Pushingonthrough · 07/09/2009 10:32

at "Brian" mimsum!

It's good to know that the huge bags of dd1's cast offs may actually be useful some day!

We had a huge wobbly again yesterday because my sil called her a "pretty girl". Bless her!

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