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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

argh!! Does anyone else have a 4.5yo DS who's incapable of playing on their own?

17 replies

photoframe · 01/09/2009 08:09

This is normally ok, we go out and about so he's occupied but this morning has really got to me. I have asked him to play with his toys for 5 mins while I do jobs but he rarely actually plays. He tends to just loll around on a sofa not interacting with the toys. He does enjoy new toys for a few minutes but never really gets engrossed for 10 mins or more or for e.g. do a puzzle on his own unless I get v. firm, cross really with him. I know this isn't good parenting but his lack of independence is very wearing. His 2.5yr old sister gets engrossed in things more than he does! I have often wondered about ASD or is he just immature? Anyone with a similar DC? He starts school in a couple of weeks. On one of his school visits, he did every activity in the room (for about 2 mins each)! He was very happy there though .

OP posts:

BonsoirAnna · 01/09/2009 08:25

My DD, who is actually very good at occupying herself on her own, doesn't like doing puzzles on her own - she will get them out and sit down next to me while I am on the computer and we do them "together".

Does your DS have trains/cars/playmobil/lego that are more conducive to solitary play?

Original poster

photoframe · 01/09/2009 08:35

Yes he has all of the above. Lego is the least successful as he wants his models to look like the ones on the leaflet, knows he cannot manage this and therefore doesn't bother at all . He likes his trains and cars but they still don't occupy for more than 10 mins. He likes to play board games though DH and I can't always do that!

OP posts:

MrsFreedy · 01/09/2009 10:23

Sounds exactly like my 4.5year old dts, his twin sister happily engrosses herself in whatever she it doing but her twin brother wonders around saying I'm bored and I don't know what to do, even thou he has a room full of toys!

I usually ask him if he wants to help me with whatever I am doing and that sometimes works or I suggest that if he left me to finish the job I will play with him.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 01/09/2009 12:26

Our DD - 8 and only child, has been like this since I can remember. She is completely incapably of entertaining herself apart from when her nose is stuck in a book. From being very young she needed someone to play with.

mankyscotslass · 01/09/2009 12:30

My DS1, now 7, is still like this. Drives me mad!

Agree I have to get him to help with whatever I am doing if possible, takes the stress out of it.

mrshibbins · 01/09/2009 15:00

8 yr old DD (only child) still like this unfortunately ... just doesn't seem to have any imagination or solo play skills, won't play with toys or read on her own, just mopes around saying how bored she is. Then when you are playing with her, either wants YOU to do everything (if it's making something) or if playing with friends has a hissy if either she's not totally in charge or (in a competetive game) cries if she doesn't win .... get's rather boring I must say ... and puts her little friends right off ... really really really hope she grows out of it ...

I used to LOVE playing on my own and creating my own make believe world ... and think my childhood was richer for it.

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 01/09/2009 15:01

well yes but then she cant move her arms so cant play. But its very very wearing.

Original poster

photoframe · 02/09/2009 18:00

Sorry for not getting back to this yesterday. I'm kind of pleased that I'm not the only one in this situation. mrshibbins- I suspect my DS may still have this issue when he's 8 too! And the things you say re: friends are the same with my DS too. He gets too bossy and aggresive although can play nicely too, not that confident though I don't think.
Most of the time we are either out or with friends or DH so he is being entertained but I just don't think he should need entertaining all the time. Most of the time I agree, he loves to join in with what I do but just sometimes his lolling around really stresses me out. Maybe that's my problem not his!!

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mumofeve · 02/09/2009 18:24

Didn't see this thread earlier, and posted a very similar one myself. You have my sympathies!!!!

allaboutme · 02/09/2009 18:27

My nearly 4 yr old is exactly the same.
He is being assessed for ASD at the moment

CantThinkofFunnyName · 02/09/2009 18:31

I have a DS (10) and a DD (6) and notice a huge marked difference in their personalities, a lot of which I put down to gender. DS, like a HUGE number of his peers, has NEVER been happy playing on his own and always needs someone else to play with him, easily bores, hates anything to do with reading, writing etc, but loves the more macho stuff of sports.

DD, however, is complete opposite, like a HUGE number of her female peers, active imagination, plays for hours, loves arts, crafts, reading, writing etc.

Truly - I wouldn't worry as I really believe it's largely a gender issue (trying not to be generic here) - but do agree that it is indeed v frustrating!!

I'm expecting DC3 and praying for a girl mainly for the above reasons ; but secretly suspect I have years ahead of playing puzzles!

panicpants · 02/09/2009 18:36

Ds 2, is EXACTLY like this...I am unable to cook dinner or do any housework with him asking over and over for me to play with him, and then having a meltdown when I can't.
Even saying I will play as soon as the dinner is in the oven isn't enough to pacify him.

But the thing is, when I DO play with him. I'm not actually allowed to 'play'. I'm not allowed to move cars/do the jigsaw or whatever unless he tells me spcifically how to do it, and THEN I still hardly ever get it spot on, so another meltdown

Honestly it's so wearing..I truely feel your pain. And await someone to come on with the answers!!

panicpants · 02/09/2009 18:37

That should say DS 4 (he's not 2, before you tell me he's too young to play independently!)

Original poster

photoframe · 02/09/2009 20:50

Well, I do have one answer! Turn on the TV to something DS wants to watch! But I am annoyed that I do this too much because I hate seeing his 'not playing'.

mumofeve- where is your thread?

allaboutme- what other issues led you to start assessing for ASD?

OP posts:

mumofeve · 02/09/2009 20:56

Thread was earlier on this afternoon: '3 year old who WILL NOT play with ANY toys....aarrgghh!' Didn't really get going, probably cos there is no answer!!!! Like you say, TV is the only guaranteed solution, but I feel too guilty to have it on too often - although DD will play on the computer a bit now (cbeebies Balamory colouring!).

panicpants · 04/09/2009 20:59

TV is not a solution..as although he loves to watch TV he will only do it if I am sat with him!

IlanaK · 04/09/2009 21:09

My ds2 is exactly like this. He is now 5 years old, but he has been like this since a baby. He wasn't interested in baby toys for long and although he will get excited about a new toy, he needs someone to play with him. His day revolves around whining at me to play with him, asking for the tv, or lolling on his bed until something exciting happens.

Ds1 (now 8) is nothing like this. Even from young he would sit and play for hours by himself with playmobil and such like. If ds1 will play with ds2, they will play for hours. But as soon as ds1 stops playing, ds2 will not continue on his own.

I now have ds3 as well who is 1. Thankfully he seems to be following ds1 and will sit and play with his toys for an hour!

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