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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

poo trouble with ds. how am I ever going to get him to poo in the potty/toilet?

15 replies

deaconblue · 27/08/2009 20:32

After a year long on off battle with potty training ds (3.3) has been dry and in pants for 3 weeks. We've finally got it cracked. But he waits until his nappy is on at bedtime and he is in bed, does a poo and then tries to clean it up himself. He puts the nappy in the bin, poo down the loo and then makes a horrendous pooey mess trying to wipe his bum. So he clearly wants to be independent but can't bring himself to try the potty or loo. I've bought a special "poo" potty and left it somewhere quiet and private, talk to him about trying it etc etc but am getting nowhere as he won't even sit and try to do a poo. HAve also explained that he must call me to help him clean it all up but he doesn't.
ANy ideas?

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Mamulik · 27/08/2009 20:41

dont worry about the mess, it looks like he scared of you

Original poster

deaconblue · 27/08/2009 21:03

gosh, I can't imagine him being scared of me, I'm very nice about the poo etc and try not to make a big deal out of it. I think he knows it should be in the loo and so tries to sort it out independently.

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fishflange · 27/08/2009 21:12

I got Poo from Pooland from another lovely MNer. It's a colouring book pdf all about sending your poo off to pooland.
DS (almost 4) still poos in his pants/night nappy but if you would like me to pass it on (worth a try) mail me at frimzathotmail dot codotuk

same goes if anyone else would like it

Original poster

deaconblue · 27/08/2009 21:15

thank you so much, have instantly emailed you, that sounds great

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LittleHarrysMum · 27/08/2009 21:16

Ahh bless him. I doubt he is scared of you! My DS was the same with poos would happily wee in potty/toilet all day long and same thing at night would wait untill nappy was on and then there it was (he wouldn't clear it up though!)

The breakthrough with ours was when he really needed to go during the day (I was watching him like a hawk as you do whilst training) and he got that look and I rushed him to the potty and he did that first one and we didn't look back. Maybe after you put nappy on you could 'watch' him for a bit and see when it's going to happen then act. Or if you put nappy on right before bed maybe do it half an hour before and see what happens. I think it's the fear of pooing in the potty rather than fear of you and when he's done it onec he will know there is nothing to be afraid of.

Soory that was long and prob didn't help at all!!

Original poster

deaconblue · 27/08/2009 21:20

thanks I'm sure that's right. Dd is only 16 months but is super keen on the potty and keeps sitting on it (with nappy still on) for her poos. Am wondering if he will give it a go if he sees her pooing on the potty?

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MrsMerryHenry · 27/08/2009 21:20

Hi! I'd love a copy - will email you as well!

Shopping bags - huge sympathy re potty stress, though DS is mostly fine with potty I do occasionally shout when he wets himself (on my lap, for example ). It's the only thing that's ever turned me into Evil Shouting Mummy.

Though it's not quite on theme, I notice that you started potty training when your DS was just over 2 - what made you decide to start at that age, as it seems rather young for a boy. I'm just wondering whether the whole potty training experience might have been less stressful if you'd started later - obviously this information is of no use to you now!

I say this because I started DS on potty training a month ago (at age 2.8) and he's taken to it really well...mostly. But he's been in pants for a month and there's no going back. However, we waiting until he was telling us that he wanted to use the potty. Is this what happened in your household too?

LittleHarrysMum · 27/08/2009 21:28

Yes maybe encourage them to do it together (something you can embarrass them with later in life!) It will come it just takes the right moment/circumstance and it will click.

Can't wait for the day when DD is potty trained as well the thought of no more nappies fills me with joy!!!

fishflange · 27/08/2009 21:30

pooland is coming down your tubes now!

MrsMerryHenry · 27/08/2009 21:31

Oh, and apparently getting them to poo in the potty can take months or even years to master. Sorry to be the bringer of doom! But hey - congrats that he's finally dry!

Wallace · 27/08/2009 21:37

Have you tried keeping a pile of nappies by the toilet and telling him to ask to get one on when he needs a poo? Even better if they were pull ups then he could go in the bathroom himself and put a pull up on and do a poo.

Hopefully after a while he will make a natural progression to the toilet. Could he sit with a nappy on on the toilet?

Don't know what you do about him leaning himself up though!

Original poster

deaconblue · 29/08/2009 18:59

I now think that 2.3 was far far too young to start with ds but his language skills were so good at that age the HV encouraged me that he'd get it easily (how wrong could she be?) so I decided to give it a go. We had 3 months this Jan with him in pants but he never once initiated going to the potty and ended up blank refusing to go when we asked him to. I definitely think that a combination of starting too early and too much start/stopping has made it take much longer. in the end after listening to FrannyandZooey's wise words we decided to put him back in nappies and do absolutely nothing til he decided. Shall do the same with dd I think, although she's interested already

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Metatron · 29/08/2009 19:06

Shopping if dd is doing the poo thing I would try her with nappy off for poos on potty. Don't think of it as training think of it as trying it out, with wees etc as totally seperate.

No idea about ds though. I think I bribed my dd1 who would wee happily but would want a nappy for poos.

MrsMerryHenry · 30/08/2009 21:15

Shoppingbags - sadly it doesn't surprise me that your HV got it wrong. I have heard so many stories about HVs giving utterly bizarre advice about parenting, I wonder why on earth they are given responsibility for children and parents' well-being.

Some of the listed indicators of readiness for potty-training are weird - why should language skills be on there? My DS has great lang skills but wouldn't have taken to the potty if we'd tried earlier (actually I was planning to do it during Easter hols but he made it clear that he didn't want to use the potty - so I let him be). The one thing I've never seen listed as an indicator of readiness is: 'says they want to use the potty'. Kind of obvious when you think about it, isn't it? Who are these people offering us useless advice?? Thank god for MN!

Original poster

deaconblue · 31/08/2009 11:11

absolutely. Ds does have great communication skills but is way behind his peers with physical stuff eg can't pedal a trike, strugggles to get much of a bounce on a trampoline, can't stand on one leg. It seems to me that these indicators might be of more use. Wanting to do it is the biggest indicator though as you say. He wasn't going to wee on the potty just because we thought he should, end of.

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