unconditional parenters, please help! How do you deal with punching?

[dandycandyjellybean]

My ds is 3.10, and I have been trying out with general success the unconditional parenting ideas. Mostly he's a lovely chap, but he has strong feelings, just like me and his dad, and occasionally he is resorting to punching, hard, if something isn't going his way. After he punched dh this afternoon for taking something dangerous off him in the shed (after explanation as to the danger etc) Dh brought him in the house sat him on his knee and explained gently why punching wasn't acceptable behaviour, at which point ds lamped him one, really hard. Dh put him on bottom stair step and threatened to take away his pushbike for a bit (admired his restraint actually coz he has a real thing about being punched in the face after being abused as a kid). What the heck can we do?

anyone.....really don't want to resort to 'naughty step' etc, but feel i must nip this in the bud.

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Well done your DH - in similar circumstances few would have been so restrained! Perhaps, next time have a bit of 'time out' for everyone, before having a chat about the incident. By time out, I mean literally a few minutes away from each other, not the naughty step. I bet once he has cooled down, your DS would be feeling a bit bad, and may well welcome the chance to apologise and make up with DH or you. I think that this approach would also avoid you unintentionally rewarding DS, by having a chat and a cuddle immediately after he has hurt you.

Then, rather than talking about the unacceptableness of the behaviour (which is a hard concept for a 3 year old), maybe say that you could see that DS was very angry, but that you/DH have got a sore nose now, and give DS the opportunity to suggest other ways to manage his anger (eg shouting, punching a cushion etc etc).

Just a few thoughts anyhow...