Can you lot help me with a new strategy for mealtimes because the whole experience is becoming utterly objectionable for all concerned.

[Slubberdegullion]

I can feel my gut twisting up into a ball of tension before every meal time because I know it is all going to be fraught.

Every meal (apart from breakfast) regardless of what I serve is met with a constant stream of moaning, whining, complaints, up and down from the table like a bride's nightie and then finishes with THEM setting goals for themselves

"I'm going to have two more mouthfuls and then it's pudding"

How did it all get so unpleasant? I have obiously made a grave error somewhere along the way. They hate eating and I hate cooking for them and then sitting with them while they protest at how ghastly it all is.

I need to start again I think.

They are 4 and 5. The 4 yo is a fussy bugger, the 5 yo is somewhat better but has her 500m badge in whining.

[francagoestohollywood]

Do they slubbers? . Send the cakes over here!

[stealthsquiggle]

Moondog do you have puddings? I have no issue with your approach but two mouthfuls of main course followed by wolfing down something sweet winds me up something rotten. It seems to me that the only way to make that approach stick is not to have pudding at all - which I would miss, and would also leave me with some issues as to what to do with a glut of apples and plums.

[moondog]

Occasionally.I'm not really a pudding person but I make cakes and biscuits and crumbles with the kids at the w/end occasionally.

We probably eat these straight out of the oven as afternoon tea and quite often for breakfast.

Personally, I don't see or feel the need for pudding every meal and I think using it as a sort of bribe is bad news.

[iceagethree]

just want to add my tuppenyworth and say i have been exasperated this way too

it's like a habit rather than a reaction to what you've served up I'm sure

before now (when in calm powerful and decisive mood) I have said "right no whinging" -- and then at the first whinge said "oh well if you don't like it" and taken it away

once i gave a meal to the dog

i haven't done it a lot, but the whinging has calmed down, though to hope for a complete cure in my house is to wait for disappointment

[iceagethree]

think it's really, really disrespectful for children to whinge and complain about food tbh and I tell them this

[moondog]

Oh I very often give food to the birds if whingeing and griping. I warn them three times.
Then I just pick it up and scatter it on bird table with no comment at all.

[Slubberdegullion]

Well blow me down, the new mn strategy worked (sort of).

I explained that there was not going to be pudding tonight but instead they could serve themselves, and when they had finished eating they could get down and most importantly mummy was not going to get cross.

dd1 ate some of everything, dd2 ate some rice.

There was no whining or nagging and pudding wasn't even mentioned

I am relatively calm, although I do mourn the lovely fresh runner beans picked today that were hardly touched.

Never mind.

[chimchar]

i used to have this problem all the time.... now, we comprimise..each has their choice once a week or whatever, but they also agree that they will eat the others choice on the other days.

can you sit with them and ask them what they would have every meal time..get some ideas..what do they eat at school? what do their friends eat? would they like to shop for some new things they've not tried before and have a tasting session?

can you try being a bit unpredictable? give them cereal for lunch or something? if things get silly with my 3, (8, 5 and 3)i try to pull it back into ME calling the shots..

my kids love making pizzas...let them choose their toppings and put them on however they want to...

the bowls to serve yourself work here really well too.

i often serve different fruit on the table, cut up and put in a pattern...the kids eat it alongside their main course.

i don't worry about always having conventional meals..often we'll have a picnic sort of thing with bits and pieces that again the kids choose...

could you buy a nice childrens cookbook and make things that they really fancy?

i also don't stress if the kids don't eat all their meal...they don't get a treat afterwards if they don't, and they do go to bed hungry if they're just refusing to eat out of silliness...

god, i've gone on...get the control back and you'll be fine! hth

[moondog]

Good Slubber!
You need of course to stick with this, not just do it every now and again when things get stressful.

Keep a note of it in your diary/calendar and I bet you anything after 6 weeks of this, you will have a calmer home.

[stealthsquiggle]

I agree that using pudding as a bribe is bad news, but I like them so we often have something .

"I am full and I have finished" is fine by me - but if you are full, you are full. You can't be "full" of sensible food and still "hungry" for pudding.

[kathyis6incheshigh]

But if your dcs don't eat anything, what do you do if they won't go to sleep because they're hungry?
I can be tough at mealtimes but it's harder at 9pm.

[Slubberdegullion]

moony. I have to stick with this. Meal times were becoming quite intolerable. I am fretting mildly about dd2's bowels and her love of all things refined carbohydrate. I'm just going to have to make sure she is getting lots of fruit in at breakfast rather than dinner.

Thanks for the suggestions chimchar. I like the idea of them having a specific day when they get to choose the menu (dd2 will choose bread). I wish they liked pizza but dd1 has gone of tomatoes (I blame sodding Charlie and Lol) and dd2 hates all things cheese.



I don't care...we just had a meal without any TCD (tension, crisis and drama). I'm feeling quite positive now without any gin.

[moondog]

Nonsense Kathy.
That is just melodrama and if they are hungry, it will reinforce the message Slubber wants to give out.In fact, them getting hungry would be perfect.

Western kids aren't 'hungry', not like kids here in Bangladesh, millions of whom survive on no more than a handful of rice a day.

Also it's not always the case that you have to act in this fashion, possibly just on stressful weekday meals.

At the weekend,I take my kids to cafes where they have whatever they want, or we get out cookery books and they choose what they want to make.

Just be consistent about the pattern you set.

[kathyis6incheshigh]

Moony you are right, it is just melodrama, and I agree of course they are not really hungry. But it still means dd keeps getting up again and whining and ds wakes up in the night so dh and I get a very disturbed night.

[moondog]

Ride with it.If you do not respnod, they willstop doing it. Simple as that. Might mean one or two disturbed nights, but asmall price to pay for many years of reasonably stress free mealtimes eh?

[Slubberdegullion]

Stealthy, I can be full of sensible food and still hungry for pudding

[4 stomachs]
[ziggy piggy]

[stealthsquiggle]

shhhhh Slubber so can I (and DH can leave most of his supper and then eat crisps an hour later, but that is another story)

It's yet another a case of 'do as I say, not as I do' and DC cannot exist/grow/retain their teeth by pudding alone.

[oneopinionatedmother]

i third the large G & T approach. I hear a good bottle of red is an effective solution too?

[Smithagain]

For all those who would miss pudding themselves ... DH and I have often found it effective to enforce no pudding at tea time (because the DCs clearly have no appetite), but then delve into a chocolate cake after they've gone to bed! Somehow it tastes better in a peaceful, adult-only environment, too

[Smithagain]

PS = well done on tonight's tea. It sounds lovely.

[MiniMarmite]

Thanks for this great thread. I've been wondering about all this. DS is one and eats everything at the moment but I can see hints of food opinion starting already!

[Slubberdegullion]

Smith you are quite right. Food does taste better in an environment of tranquility, I'm hoping the new approach will reveal this truth to the DC.

Stealthy

[millenniumfalcon]

glad to hear it's working out so far slubber, fingers crossed the magic continues. out of interest, how are they when you eat as a family on weekends? presumably you eat lunch together in the holidays? is it any better at those meals?

[Slubberdegullion]

millenium, it is more of the same on the weekends, although the focus of the nagging/complaining falls upon DH as he caves in more easily.

Holidays are mostly under canvas where I cannot be arsed with battles and they can eat as much or as little as they like

[bingo]

[millenniumfalcon]

lol, yep think you have the answer