5 yr old pushing the boundries, am at a loss how to deal with him.

[EvaToniAnn]

My 5 yr old is really pushing boundries and I really dont know how to cope with him. Every night its a battle to get him to go to sleep, I've tried taking toys away I've screamed and shouted (I know not the best thing to do) I've left him to scream and shout himself to sleep.

Tonight I was shopping with my parents he showed me up so bad in Asda I wanted the ground to swallow me up. He ran about pretending to shoot enemie (star wars I blame my soon to be ex for letting him watch it) I shouted for my dad when I told him to stop shouting he give me such a dirty look, then he asked if he could have a cake, I thought he meant like a mini muffin or something but he wanted a fricken birthday cake. I said no you aint have a birthday and he went into a terrible strop screaming crying getting on.

Every day I seem to have to battle him and I really dont know how to cope with him.

Someone please give me some advice.

Not quite sure what to advise, but you sound really fed up. How long has his behaviour been bad? Is your split with your ex quite recent - maybe that's had an effect on him? If I were you I'd try to follow the Supernanny advice - I'm sure you could probably get one of her books from your local library. She always seems to talk a lot of sense. I think all kids of that age try to push boundaries. As for getting him to sleep, can you find out WHY he doesn't want to sleep? If he's really not tired then maybe you can do a deal with him over what time he goes to bed, or maybe let him look at books/listen to CDs for an hour or so after he goes? As I said, I don't really have much advice to offer you, but certainly have lots of sympathy. Best of luck

Poor you. You sound tired, and at the end of your tether. How is it that kids know which buttons to press to make you feel worse and to blow your top? You are certainly not alone there.

I'm no expert (DC's 6 & 4) - but they always seem to play up more when your own energy / patience reserves are lowest. But somehow this also seems to be the time when they need extra security / cuddles / mummy time etc. At the same time you could do with someone telling you they love you, how special you are, cuddles etc.

Sometimes all it takes in our house is for me to sit down with them on the sofa and have a cuddle and a tickle, and hear their laughter - and remember that whilst things do seem rather bad, they are still just children.

XXXXXXX

Agree with 'paranoidmum' some days are better than others and there will be days we all wish the ground would swallow us up - but someone once gave me some very good advice which went along the lines of "you'll get far more with a spoonful of sugar". Which I think meant a smile and a wink is better than a shout and a cry.

Unfortunately boys can just be difficult around this age, I have 2 - one just turned 6, the other just about to turn 5 in a couple of months. Star Wars, finger gun, baddy hunting mad they are! Everywhere they go they are at it - it drives me insane. But then I remember I grew up with two brothers who did the exact same thing at that age - they turned out to be model citizens

Big cuddles and laughing with them will often deflate situations. Although I would to well to listen to my own advice sometimes . We are none of us perfect, we are the adults though and they are the children, so its up to us to learn how to deal with it and try to point them in the right direction, rather than them to change overnight.

The best advice I had in parenting my 2 boys now 5 and 7 came from a parenting class that our local playgroup ran.I will be forever glad I had that opportunity.I would forget Supernanny,even though she appears to get results I question the methods and long term gains......how do you get a 15 yr old to sit on the naughty step..? A book which I can't praise enough and think should be in everymums Bounty bag is "How to Talk so Kids Will listen and listen and Listen so kids Can Talk".It gives a whole new slant to communicating with your children that does not rely on the Power that a parent has which is what Supernanny appears to use...there is more respect for the childs feelings .....often there behavior is nothing to do with being "naughty"..its because they are having difficulty communicating a feeling...they feel they do not have any power/choices and this leads to acting out. Much in the way we do as adults when we feel an injustice or have been backed into a corner....
Its tough when you are tired and maybe picking up a book is the last thing you are able or want to do. For me I found this advice invaluable,and still refer to it....it has lots of anecdotes at the end which help you realise every one else is dealing with the same challenges-you are not on your own.As Dubbletrubble says we dont always get it right but we can improve our chances with the more tools that we have in our pockets..my hope is that what I am teaching my sons now,their children will benifit.....from a different parenting language from that that our parents or supernanny programmes promote.
I would also say its hard when you are in public its easy to think everyones judging your parenting but most people are thinking OOOH Im glad we've come through that.
Take care

You mention a soon-to-be-ex - it's likely your son is picking up on the tension in the house, and acting out because he can't verbalise his concerns as an adult would. Ds1 did this before I split from his father.

he needs reassurance that everything will stay 'the same' for him - that he will stil see daddy, that you won't make HIM leave (kids really do think this might happen - after all, I made dad leave) so I advise lots of irm loving attention. Play some board games, just you and him, no other kids, no tv, and reassure him how much you WILL ALWAYS love him no matter what.

When a child watches their mother lose love for someone, they realise that love can be transient, and their natural curiosity makes them wonder at which point your love for THEm will go. So they push you.