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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

the school agreement and getting a child to play ball

26 replies

bronze · 13/08/2009 19:17

Ds2 is due to start school in september. He pottytrained fine at 2 1/2 but never at nights but in the last year or so has started pooing himself bcause he can't be bothered to go to the toilet.
In the school agreement it says that the toilet has to be able to toilet themselves which is fair enough but I can't force him to go in the right place. Sitting him on the loo everynow and then makes no difference.
What do I do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

bronze · 13/08/2009 19:18

says that they have to be able to toilet themselves...

OP posts:

PerArduaThinksFucktheDM · 13/08/2009 19:20

Most helpful thing I can think of is peer pressure... Can your older DC/s point out to him that he'll be laughed at/have to wear possibly pink emergency pants etc if he messes himself at school?

Washersaurus · 13/08/2009 19:23

I don't think that school agreement is fair, infact I'd say it is discriminatory.

You need to speak to the school and talk to the school nurse. I have a similar problem with DS1 who is starting school in Sept. Fortunately, his school don't stipulate about toilet use.

PerArduaThinksFucktheDM · 13/08/2009 19:26

But if it's a can't be bothered thing (which I also had with DS and had to go to privilege loss for) rather than actual incontinence, then it's perfectly fair to expect the DS in question to get his act together...

And AFAIK we have a school nurse between 4 local schools - wouldn't even know where to find her.

GrapefruitMoon · 13/08/2009 19:26

Has he been going to a nursery/pre-school and if so, does he soil himself whilst there? I only ask because my ds's were still in pull-ups starting pre-school but always saved pooing till they got home. Does he have any sort of pattern to his bowel movements?

Original poster

bronze · 13/08/2009 19:32

ok no school nurse that I know of
does occasionally do it at school
is prone to erm being on the runnier side whatever we feed him
no pattern to speak of

have tried to spend time with him as have baby too

OP posts:

Washersaurus · 13/08/2009 19:32

But how do you know he can't be bothered, he may be avoiding pooing for as long as possible because it hurts or something?

I have incentive prize basket at the moment - keep pants clean and dry all day and use toilet and get a surprise (random bits of playmobil wrapped up)

Original poster

bronze · 13/08/2009 19:41

he says I was just doing .... lego etc

I've tried incentives and taking away things (different times)

OP posts:

Original poster

bronze · 13/08/2009 19:42

sorry meant to say he says it doesn't hurt and hes def. not constipated

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PerArduaThinksFucktheDM · 13/08/2009 19:44

What does he say about why he does it? Was easy with DS - he pretty much admitted that he didn't always want to stop playing to go to the loo, but we also identified a problem he had with the layout of the CMs bathroom - which we sorted with her.

Another benefit was that in the summer before he started school we were finally able to leave him in the bathroom for poos - he always wanted company - but he understood that he had to get used to looking after himself for school.

Still came home in pink pants a couple of times though...

Washersaurus · 13/08/2009 19:44

Have you got "Poo goes to Pooland?"

Original poster

bronze · 13/08/2009 19:51

no?

OP posts:

Washersaurus · 13/08/2009 19:54

It wasn't a trick question . It is a pdf book that another MNer emailed around. It was written to help a small boy go for a poo. I can email you a copy to print out if you like ?(but I don't have CAT)

DS had great fun colouring in the pictures in his copy.

Original poster

bronze · 13/08/2009 20:14

thanks. I just did a search and the links no linger working so that would be great

bronnerz @ hotmail . com

OP posts:

Washersaurus · 13/08/2009 20:26

Done. I hope it helps.

NotPlayingAnyMore · 13/08/2009 20:31

None of us have ever signed the school agreement and DS is about to enter year 4
Obviously the toilet issue will need resolving anyway but what will actually happen if your DS doesn't adhere to the agreement, or no-one signs it?

ICANDOTHAT · 13/08/2009 20:43

Bronze have you ruled out a physical problem for his pooing himself ? I mean has he seen a doctor? Otherwise, I think peer pressure will help him once he's started school. I helped out at my boys school for the reception year and a few of the children had 'accidents' regularly ... by Xmas they had got it sorted.

Original poster

bronze · 13/08/2009 21:37

I was wondering that notplaying. after all hes going to be five soon so has to go to school (unless I home ed I spose)

I can do that. I can't think of any physical reason I think I'm going to try my luck with school and if he carries on then seek help.

We will read the poo story though.Thanks Washer. No often I get an email that just says 'here is poo'

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Snowsquonk · 14/08/2009 09:24

Try getting him to clean himself up when he messes - hand him clean pants and a packet of wipes and lead him to the bathroom. You are not punishing him - so lots of love and kindness, but he is a big boy now so he has to clean himself up. Be prepared for mess and a half done job but when he realises you're not going to sort him out, it may give him the incentive to use the toilet again!

danthe4th · 14/08/2009 10:23

My son had this problem and still has occasionally, he is now 7 and not dry at night.The school were fantastic they deserved a medal for cleaning him up when he was in reception and year 1 but we then got tough. I had him checked out at hospital and they were very supportive but he has always maintained he just doesn't feel it. He had special techniques taught to himat the hospital, he was told to sit after breakfast and 'rock and pop' so encouraging him to use the toilet before school. When he got more into the routine of going before school he generally stayed clean at school. Otherwise he would come home slighly dirty. He never actually pooed his pants he just had small lumps and stains, but believe me you could smell him when he came out of school.He improved through year 2 and I think weve cracked it now, just got to sort out the night time. Just make sure you send in a clean change every day a pack of baby wipes etc. and get the TA on your side.
We must have bought 10 pairs of school trousers to keep us going. Only once was I called in when he had the runs, but its when the teacher hands you the bag at the school gates every day, in the end you have to laugh otherwise you would cry and get angry and it doesn't help matters.
I also tried to get him to sort himself out and wipe his bottom but he just couldn't do it, but now finally he can, they do get there in the end.Good luck

StinkyFart · 14/08/2009 10:27

Constipation can sometimes present itself as being 'lazy' or 'can't be bothered'

Please get to a professional to rule this out - if he has impacted faeces then leakage around the blockage can be difficult to control

Original poster

bronze · 14/08/2009 19:22

Stinky one ting I'm sure of is that hes not constipated. Too far the other way if anything.

I've just been in tears. Hes pooed in his pants three times today, bad even for him. Made him go to the loo before bed and he did. Went up ten minutes later and hes pooed again. Asked him why he didn't go to the loo get 'erm thinking' as a reply. I deal with enough shit, chicken, dog, baby, toddler, 6 year with skids and him and to be honest I'm reaching tether end. I do not know how to get through to him or what to do but I'm beginning to not cope.

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Washersaurus · 14/08/2009 22:29

Could he have 'toddler diarrhoea'? They advise to cut out fruit juices for this I think, may be worth a try?

Original poster

bronze · 14/08/2009 23:16

Will try that. Had a chat with him about how if he carried on I can't let him go and stay with Granny next week so will keep reminding him and see if it is something he can have more control over if he can be bothered

OP posts:

babblington · 14/08/2009 23:24

isn't 'too far the other way' a sign of impacted constipation?

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