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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

At what age did your dc start going on play dates on their own?

19 replies

bodiddly · 12/08/2009 21:43

Ds starts school in September and has never been on a play date without me ... and only a couple with me! I am keen for him to have people back here for play dates early on and hopefully vice versa as he is going to be one of only 4 children who weren't at the pre school together. Did you go with your dcs to begin with so you could meet the other parents etc or just let them go on their own?

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Overmydeadbody · 12/08/2009 21:46

By school age I let DS go on his own.

Before that I liked to go first with him, but pretty much knew all his friend's mums so tusted them.

Probably started leaveing him when he was 3.

deepdarkwood · 12/08/2009 21:46

dc started going on solus playdates at the end of the first term of reception ... but with kids he'd been at nursery with, so knew them for a year pre-school.
Although he went for a sleepover at a mate's house before that

I think going with them for the first playdate (at least) is pretty standard.

Original poster

bodiddly · 12/08/2009 21:47

that is good to know deepdarkwood .. I haven't even left him at a party yet - but then again noone has at any of the parties we have been to. Im not sure he would even go on his own yet!

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danthe4th · 12/08/2009 21:50

When they first started going I would still go to the school gates to meet them and pick up bags.If they were happy to go I would let them and arrange to pick up usually only an hour and a half later and often be invited to come early for a coffee which is a good way to get to know other mums. When they get to year 2 I have let them go on their own and picked up as arranged. Be warned my kids drive me nuts coming out of school saying can so and so come tonight with little charlie looking up pleadingly saying mum says its ok. They soon start organising their social life.

Original poster

bodiddly · 12/08/2009 21:52

danthe4th - that is slightly what concerns me as ds is likely to have to go to after school club after the first term and I don't want that to mean he is excluded from the invitations. I will try and make sure that he invites people in the first term.

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Hulababy · 12/08/2009 22:03

Once DD started school (so she was 4y5m) she went to playdates on her own. I knew the parents from the school gates only, but felt fine about it.

Before that she went on her own to friends I knew the parents of well.

Eve4Walle · 13/08/2009 11:49

Only last year, when she started school. And then only with kids whose parents I knew fairly well.

LIZS · 13/08/2009 11:55

dd used to play at a neighbouring apartment from about 2 1/2-3 (I'd usually be at home or running an errand) but wasn't left at a party until 5.

lljkk · 13/08/2009 12:09

Six, or nearly. They weren't ready before then.

BonsoirAnna · 13/08/2009 12:15

I have left DD at a party - she was 4.4 ish the first time - and she has been collected from school by another mother and gone back for tea - she must have been 4.5 the first time.

deaddei · 13/08/2009 12:35

I never went on playdates once they were toddlers (does anyone else hate that word?) as I knew the mothers, and from 18 months, we just swopped children to give us an afternoon off a week.
Definitely let him go on his own (if you know the mum of course)

cat64 · 13/08/2009 12:48

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster

bodiddly · 13/08/2009 13:45

probably a bit of the "him not wanting to be left on his own" and a bit of "me not knowing the parents so feeling slightly strange letting him go off with people I don't know!"!

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Original poster

bodiddly · 13/08/2009 13:47

lljkk ... did you just turn up and stay with dcs when they were asked or explain that you would be staying?

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lljkk · 13/08/2009 15:45

I think DC are quite rarely invited on playdates, especially below age 6.
Or were they? (lljkk scratches head very hard).

I said from the moment of invite "He'd love to come but he won't happily stay without me, is that okay?" or something similar.

lljkk · 13/08/2009 15:48

I would say that ime most parents do leave them alone from age 3-4; when we've done the inviting (lots obviously since no one invites my DC), it's rare that I've had any parent ask if they could stay with their DC, anyway, for children age 3+.

I think that some of the parents who blow off the invites I've made it might be precisely because they don't want to stay with their DC, and they don't want to leave them either, mind.

lljkk · 13/08/2009 15:51

Ooh! Just thought of a good example; good mate of DS's whose mum Always came to playdates until he was 7 or 8; she's a very shy person (like her son) and HATED having to make small talk with the other parents, but she wanted her son to have a social life so braved it out, knowing that no way would her son be comfortable to stay without her.

I can't quite remember how she asked, always quite apologetically I reckon .

lyraSilvertongue · 13/08/2009 16:13

Sometime during reception year, but then they'dbeen at nursery with their friends so I already knew the parents and had been on accompanied playdates with them during nursery year. I wouldn't be keen for them to go to a house I'd never been to, with parents I don't know.

Original poster

bodiddly · 13/08/2009 22:18

thanks all .. will just have to wait to see how he settles. I am sure he will find it a little harder than the others seeing as they all know each other. I am just aware that I only have the first term really to help him with this as after that he will be in after school club and he won't be picked up until late. I think I will go with him a few times perhaps and then see if he is happy to go on his own.

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