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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I don't like you - says 3.5yo Dd

10 replies

Claire2009 · 12/08/2009 20:32

I don't like you
I hate you
You're not my friend anymore
I want to live with Daddy, not you

I respond with "Well, I like you!" or "Well, you're my friend and I love you very much!".......when she says she doesn't like me/hates me/isn't my friend....but I get a "Hmmmmphhh, NO" back at me.

I ignore there, thinking I will NOT argue with a 3.5yo!!!!

But, any other tips?! Anything to keep me a bit more sane ?!

OP posts:

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piscesmoon · 12/08/2009 20:35

They (nearly) all say it-perfectly meaningless. Just use your response and ignore it.The phase will pass.

MrsHappy · 12/08/2009 20:39

I just say "fair enough" in a very bland tone and leave it at that.
You know she means none of it.

dreamylady · 18/08/2009 22:40

Could she be acting out a bit - it sounds like you and her dad are separated? The people responding above have a point - ie not to make too much of it - but at the same time maybe she feels a bit confused//conflicted and needs to talk about it a bit?

Our dd is 4 and says similar things about really missing her grandma and wanting to live there. I have tried the same approach as you but it can be very difficult to stay calm and breezy as it can grind you down after a while.

If you find a mental trick to deal with it let me know! but rest assured she's not alone in talking to you like this. As she gets older maybe its ok to talk to her gently about how it can be upsetting for you when she says those things. I even wonder if its a bit unnerving for children to say things like that and you to react as though it doesn't matter to you?

PrettyCandles · 18/08/2009 22:44

Agree with MrsHappy. Chill. Accept what she says, knowing that you really are the most important person in her universe, by saying these things to you she is double-checking that you will always love her and look after her. Oddly enough, you don't need to tell her so in response. Just accepting what she says reassures her without letting her press your buttons and get an interesting reaction from you.

Sazisi · 18/08/2009 22:45

Well we're not separated and DD2 says it quite a lot! I think it's just a developmental stage (as mentioned earlier) and not a symptom of any other issues.

I just say very calmly "that's not a nice thing to say" then change the subject, or go off and do my own thing for a while! I think not giving a big reaction is key.

Spero · 18/08/2009 22:47

Agree with all. My dd says this kind of thing. I feel a bit mean - one time she said she was going to find a better mummy, I replied cheerily - off you go then! and later she came and gave me a big hug.

I think I will stick with 'fair enough' in the future.

lilacpink · 18/08/2009 22:47

All normal, my DD (3.5) and her friends are the same.

I give a similar response to you - 'I always love you, when your helpful, and when you're naughty, because you're my daughter'. This has worked with my DD, i.e. it's just testing emotions, she wants to try out these interesting words that relate to emotions that she's learning (sometimes she 'likes Daddy' sometimes 'doesn't like Mummy' sometimes she 'loves Mummy a bit' etc.) I just stick with'I love you' and think she'll get bored soon, it'll be the next phase

NightShoe · 19/08/2009 19:32

My DD 3.2 says this too. The other day I got "I don't love you any more mummy, because sometimes little girls just don't love their mummies when they are 3, but I still love my daddy lots and lots."

I agree it is a phase and I just say "Well I love you lots and lots and lots and so does daddy" and I change the subject.

She tried out "I hate you Grandad" the other day, I was horrified. Not only by the word "hate" but also because Grandad is her favourite person ever. I'm not even sure where she heard it from. I just told her that was a word used to make people feel sad and I didn't like to her her say it. Cue her using it on everyone for the rest of the day and me getting more annoyed. But she hasn't said it since that day, so I think it is just testing out boundaries.

davidla · 20/08/2009 16:45

Our DS used to say this too. With him it was just a phase as well (I told him that it wasn't a nice thing to say, that I didn't like it and why I didn't like it).
I think perhaps it's because they know that "hate" is the oppostite of "love" and they don't have the vocab to say "I'm a bit angry with you" so they just go straight to "hate"

midnightexpress · 20/08/2009 16:52

We have a book called 'I love you little monkey' which we sometimes pull out at the end of a particularly trying day. Big monkey tells little monkey, I love you always even though I don't love the naughty things you do sometimes. Sounds barfworthy, but the pics are nice, and little monkey does get up to some highjinks before the moral bit.

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