Do all 5 and 3 year olds constantly need to be first and find it traumatic when they're not or is it just my two? And why do they seem incapable of co-existing without moaning, shouting and whining?

[IdrisTheDragon]

I am slightly losing the will to live here

Do all close age siblings battle and compete and whinge and whine and generally drive their parents to distraction? My sister is 7 years younger than me so the same things didn't really happen.

(waiting for words of wisdom as mother to 2 and 4 year olds.....)

no mine are exactly the same and they are six and four and now the two year old is joining in. what i say to shut them up is ds you are the boy winner dd you are the girl winner dd2 does not understand.

i also separate them whenever they start fighting.

i also lose it quite alot of the time and have to hide in the bathroom to calm myself down.

Mine did - I bought Silings Without Rivarly and read it over and over and over again and it made me feel slightly more sane. As they have got older it has got a lot better.

It's like blackbird nestlings. The parent is programmed to feed the one with the biggest gob and making the most noise.
So yes, whining and competing is part of the survival wiring of the infant. It's a pain, and it happens in the majority of cases!

IF it helps, DS's teacher said that after their 5th year, children start to realise (more often) about the needs of other people and that they are not the centre of the universe and start to share more and be more considerate (therefore reducing the battles).

It seems to be true, DS is now 6 and things look much better.

Mine are the same. DS1 5yo, DS2 4yo and DS3 11mo. older 2 fight alot and always have to be first, the who sits in the front of the car, the one who wins etc etc. However DS1 6 next month so I'll look forward to things looking up!!

I have 5 and 3 yr old boys.

Yep, they fight a fair bit, mainly when DS1 teases DS2 and then DS2 turns round and lamps him.
They do play nicely for the most part and adore one another, they miss each other when they're apart and DS1 always asks his friends if his brother can play and to be careful with him as he is younger (which is a joke really as DS2 is very assertive).
DS1 is a demon for always wanting to be first, in the lunch queue at school, in the queue coming out of school at home time, always has to be first. He also likes his friends to "follow" him. If they don't he assumes that they don't want to be friends anymore.

Whingeing agogo here as well, drives me spare

If you walk past my house 9 times out of 10 you will hear

DS 'No I AM FIRST and you are SECONDS'
DD 'No IIIIIII AM FIRST, you can be SECONDS'
repeated on a loop

Don't ask why its seconds with an s, I have no idea, but wondering about it distracts me from the whinging.

They are 4 and 2. My cheerful/manic 'lets all be first together ' no longer cuts the mustard with them, sadly.

At 5 and 3 mine (boys) fought almost constantly. I could literally not leave them alone together for 5 minutes without a fight breaking out. Some days one of them would go out with a bite on his face, the other with a bite on his arm .........

Now 6 and nearly 9, they don't fight very much, but DS2 is very competitive - every run down the road turns into a race, and a meltdown if he doesn't "win" the race he invented . GAH !!! Luckily DS1 is much more chilled

Mine are 7, 5 and nearly 5 and are extremely competitive with each other. They don't really moan or whinge but they do shout a lot and thankfully they do seem to get on (pretty) well together.

'nearly 3' !!

My 2 are also very competitive. Riding scooters turns into a grand prix, so does running, in fact anything is a race or a competition. DS nearly always loses and he is hideous when he loses, DD should know better at nearly 7 but she is still adament she has to win.......fed up with it all tbh!!

Thank you all for reassuring me that's it's not just here that is a battleground . I think not being at school probably doesn't help although maybe that's just me having wishful thinking.

Am hoping that one day peace will reign again...