Someone please help!!! my 3 year old is giving me hell!

[ahappymummy]

My son is 3.3 years old and was the perfect baby.As soon as he turned 18 months,he has turned into a horror.He is my world and i love him to bits but i am at a loss as to how to deal with his bad behaviour.
He smacks,shouts,spits,doesnt listen to a word i say and could quite easily have me in tears on most days.
I have tried rewrd charts,naughty steps,time outs,you name it iv tried it.
I am also 25 weeks pregnant and completely exhausted by it all.
Has anyone got any suggestions?

bump...

First - it's a phase.....keep repeating that to yourself.

Second, does your DH/DP help out?

Next, do you have any support close by - mother, MIL etc?

How long have you kept going with naughty step etc - have you been absolutely, 100% consistent?

Finally - go outside. Every day. Without fail, come rain or shine. EVERYTHING works better when you are out or have been out.

poor you.
Does anyone else have him such as a nursery or grandparent, if they do how do they find him?
When does the bad behavior happen- what starts him off hitting or spitting?
Could you try something completely different like @How to talk so kids will listen..' which I found very helpful having failed with time outs and so on.
Could you do a parenting course- health visitor might know about them- I went on one run by the local playgroup.
Do you think there might be any other issues with your ds?What's his health like, what is his speech like, hearing and so on.
How is he with other children?

i have been a nanny for the last 12 years so kind of know various techniques of calming nad distracting but nothing seems to work.
He is bad most of the day,he just lashes out especially when i say no.
My dh is a great support but is out at work all day and only sees him for na hour in the evening before he goes to bed.
His health,hearing and speech are all perfect,in fact he is a bit too bright sometimes and am thinking is he nnot getting the stimulatiopn he needs?
Unfortunantly,i havent had any help bringing him up,my parents are close but elderly and not in the best health,and my 2 sisters havent really helped much either.
Is that book any good lucky?

and who is the author?

adele faber
It's very very different to naughty step type stuff, but it's worth a try and I think it's made me a better parent when I remember to do it.
tell me about some good times you have withh him because it sounds like a terrible time at the moment.
Is it easier with your dp?
Is he going to start preschool soon?

lucky,i also have lots of good times with him,but you are right,i am having a terrible time at the moment.
He is starting nursery in about 4 weeks so im hoping this may help a bit.
i am going to order that book straight away,anything is worth a try! thank you for your posts.
Have you been through a similar situation?

I've got a 3.9yr old DD who I have had some tough times with over the past yr (3's much harder to deal with than the 2's imo), but she is gradually coming out of it.

I found some of the techniques in Toddler Taming useful (Christopher Green) as well as some in the How to Talk so Kids will listen book too.

I think your right that nursery will help too (if nothing else it will give you a break to regain your sanity - and don't feel guilty about that, you need time for you too).

Really I don't have many tips as I have struggled too sometimes but just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this and that it does get easier.

I second the bit about getting out (which I am sure you are doing). At this age (partic with boys)I think they need as much exercise as possible - swimming/hide and seek in the park/football. Walking rather than in buggy etc etc

3 year olds are VILE. Ban all sweeties for two weeks (don't tell him this, it's not a punishment as such) then dish them out ONE AT A TIME for immediate complience.

Reward charts and naughty steps didn't work on my 3 year olds either (and my youngest is the same age as yours is now) so go back to basics and treat him like a dog. It works and he will be quite happy about it.

Everytime I read these threads I am soooo relieved that I don't have the only awful 3yr old in the world (she is getting better now, as everyone said she would).,

Terrible twos - rubbish. Tyranical bloody threes more like!

ooh the threenager yes hard and waring just be consistent dont give in one day and tell off another very confusing and frustrating

structure your day slightly so no room for boredom even if its painting , play in garden, play doh , keep it slightly structured

hitting removes child from room with firm no hitting when you can play nice you can come back in keep doing it eventually they realise its nicer in with the fun activity

and again it is a phase but needs you to be consistent try not to shout just firm voice and remove away from you ask for apology when comes back with lots of praise for being good and listening well odnr for palyin g nicely you did that puzzle really well , etc

sorry for typos ds hanging off me

threenager - fantastic name for it bubblagirl

I shall use that in RL from now on (and claim I came up with it myself of course ).

another mner gave this name and i loved it it was my ds down to a t lol

I don't know why people moan about the terrible twos. IMO and IME three is much, much worse.

It will pass, it is hard when you are going through it.

I second what colditz said about treating him like a dog (or puppy might be a nicer expression). Loads of walks, food and sleep and you will come through it.

Oh - and I am sure you have thought of this, but review his diet very carefully. Mine had all kinds of problems with e numbers and additives making them very hyper and bad tempered.

Shineon....that is interesting. I too never used reward charts or naughty step. I assumed that it was a fairly new idea that wasn't around when mine were small.

Oh god, please don't tell me that being 3 is much worse than being 2. I cna't take much more of this hell!

I use the bollocking technique in much the same way as shineon. I don't negotiate!

Was in tears myself last night for exact same reasons...am also 27 weeks pregnant so that may have contributed!

Everything I say is ignored or challenged. The usual method of bollocking is not working for me anymore...he simply laughs

Have bought How to Talk....etc. last week and when I'm in the humour for it, the fulfilling their wishes in fantasy thing seems to work (can do it half assed, comes off really flat)

"..Ooooh I wish I could let you sit in puddles all day, and catch pneumonia and wash every item of your clothing daily "

can't do it

I really didn't have any problems with my kids at that age. I didn't negotiate at all. It was this way and that's it. Wait till they get into high school..!! My son have given me a run for my money. Thank goodness we had helpful neighbors who helped us get through it and now he's in the Army. Sure thought he'd be in jail with all he was doing. Someone was watching over him.