Plese support me

[Louise1980]

Well things came to a head yesterday afternoon. I was pushed to my limits and I hit him. I feel so guilty. I went to hit his bottom and he moved and I hit his face. It bust his nose. I know some of you will think terrible of me now but no worse than I feel myself. I hit my son and made his nose bleed, I will never forgive myself.

Ive told me GP and his school and now I feel as though Im being listened to.

I just wish it hadnt had to come to this for people to realise how much help I need with his behaviour.

Im not making this a secret post as I think people need to be honest and open about these things as Im asking for your support.

Im getting a visit from my health visitor tomorrow and Im goin to keep posting on here. Its just my way of letting off steam as I dont want things to go as far as they did yesterday.

Hi Louise.

All the things you mentioned are really positive for your children. Sometimes our time as mothers gets eaten up so much with housework and cooking that we forget the things that really matter to the little ones like just wanting to sit and have a cuddle and a story. My daughter loves it if I sit and play with her for the day and I notice the times I havnt spent with her as she always plays me up, often just a cuddle and to give her a little time is she needs to calm her down.

Well done Louise and hope all goes well!

Let us know about your progress.

OK some1 tell me who swapped my boy through the night?

We had a really good day. I even managed to take Ellis shopping and he held the buggy most of the time. Im not saying he was an angel but a 100% improvement. An old woman even said to them that they were very well behaved for such small boys! I nearly passed out!

Spoke to social services today and they are goin to see which ways they can support me.

I even let them stay up till after 7 as they were being so good i didnt realise the time!

I am really happy things are going well. You must be proud that they were so well behaved.
What you need to rememebr is you did it. A little time for the little ones is sometimes all it takes. They like to know they are listened to.

Hugs x

Louise you are very brave to be so honest. You don't mention a hubby or partner so if you're on your own with your boys without any help it must be so hard. I know that I have some days when DH walks through the door and I say "right its your turn mate! Had enough!"
My dd loves colouring with me or cutting and sticking from old catalogues or even just role play with her little teaset. Anything really that involves just me and her having time together. Good luck

How's it going today Louise?

So pleased today hear about yeterday

Thanls you lot. Todays not so good as yesterday but I know I cant expact that everyday. Ellis has been jumping and running around and i was getting really stressed about it. Luckly my friend called and helped me to get through it. Once I can accept that thats ok and not something to be concerned about than I hope I will stop letting that bother me.

My biggest fear is that he is autistic, which Im sure he isnt. Just there are 3 children on his fathers side who are. Maybe Im just anxious about that.

sallycinnamon I am on my own and the kids dont know their fathers. The both have different dads and it was just pure bad luck that they were both a**eholes!

OK bad day!

I was woken up at 7:30am with a stupid phone call about eggs. Dont ask. It woke Cory (ds2) up and he's been in a mood ever since.

Hes whinged and screamed and screamed and whinged. I CANT TAKE MUCH MORE!!!!!

I really think that the problem with Ellis isnt as bad as I first thought. I think its just that Cory whinges and things so much that when Ellis does something its just the final straw.

Cory is very stubborn, whingy, clingy, whingy, impatient, whingy, demanding, whingy and basically hard work and whingy. He also has major tantrums. I can ignore his crying and whinging for so long but then when Ellis does omething for a bit of attention it just pushes me and he suffers for it.

Did I mention he was whingy?

Bump for Bubbly.

Louise
Well done for acknowledging this situation in terms of asking for help. Things can only get better now.

Sounds to me like you're right, it's all a combination of wanting attention, excess energy and you reaching your snapping point.

Bedtime story sounds like a great idea, what about colouring books for you to do with ds1 with felt tips or special crayons that ds2 isn't allowed to use (may be do this when ds2 is napping). What about getting some bean seeds and growing them in cotton wool in a jamjar with ds1, then he can see the roots and shoots emerging and you can ask him to show you the progress each day. I know these are very simple ideas but it would be special significant time between you and ds1 during which time you can both interact quitely with each other. And he can see that he has your whole attention.

Well done again for recognising you've reached your limit, hope you find a way through this

Thanks Suzy but ds2 is so demanding that workign with ds1 alone is very difficult.

I will get there with a lot of support from you lot.

thanks

how old is ds2 again?

I had a period when ds2 was in to everything of ds1s and I managed to put aside a shelf of a furniture unit that ds2 couldn't reach and let ds1 have special toys on it that he could concerntrate on without ds2.

sorry if this is sounding like telling you it's a phase, it's just I know what it's like to get to the end of your tether and go mental at them

He's almost 3. It sounds like a good idea Suzy. I will try tht one.

thanks for bumping it louise, i managed to find the thread and was just reading all the messages

just so you know you arent the only mother who has smacked there child in the face, i should add tht i once did it too...although i only tapped his face i felt so awful

you have had wonderful advice off everyone, maybe rather than look at a whole week, wake up each morning and start fresh, ignore what bad things happened yesterday/last week etc and concentrate on the day ahead..perhaps planning what you will do the night before

tiring them out by the afternoon so they are ready for bed

just a suggestion..do you think certain foods are making them over excited? just a thought

you will have to look at each day after you have gone through it and think of it as a learning curve to better your next day, so if a situation arises where your ds is being naughty, deal with it

when you got a spare moment think about the way you dealt with it, and see if theres any improvement, then next time same situation happens learn from your past mistakes

now that you have been heard and people know you need help, this is the beginning to life getting better, it wont happen overnight, the children and you will have to be almost 'trained' back to the way thats acceptable for all of you

i hope i have helped without sounding like im talking crap...if i was in your situation this is the way i would go about it to help me deal with it
will keep a close eye on this thread to see how things are developing, but most important of all, if next time you feel angry, remember it wont harm them or you to walk away to a quiet room for a few minutes whilst you get yourself together

xxxx

Im about ready to just walk out on them. Im so sick I dont know what to do. I want som time away from them but dont know what to do, where to go or who to go with. Dont want to stay here while they are at mams. I need a break from it all.

louise any chance they could stay the night with your mother

isnt there anyone you can go out for a night out with and get totally bladdered and let your hair down?

im so sorry i cant help you, all i want to do is come over there and hug you

Mam and Dad are away till monday. I could go out if I had some1 for kids but I dont even want to do that. If I had some1 for them Id just go and book into a nice hotel somewhere and cry.

hi louise i have read all the threads and cant believe that social services are not giving you the support you need.i really feel for you,but also think you are a very brave loving mum.Not every one would admit to it well done.There must be some practical parenting classes you could attend,i have a friend who went to these and it made her feel so positive ,and as bubbly1973 said start everyday afresh.I have smacked my son and afterwards felt so crap.My son is a handful and i have 23 yrs experience of kids!.He pushes me to the limit i normally tell him to go to his bedroom.I find girls so much easier boys have so much energy.have you tried ringing a college,when my sisters kids were tiny she could not cope and she got a nursery nurse from the college free for one afternoon a week as they need placements,at least you could go and have a couple of hours me time.i live in mitcham are you any where near me?.

louise, good morning how are you feeling today?

what are you up to today? hope its nice and sunny where you are so that you can all get out of the house today, perhaps have a small picnic?

take care and thinking of you
xx

Louise

Is there a creche at your local shopping centre or sports centre? If you need time - you could leave the boys at the creche for an hour - go shopping, have a coffee, read a paper, sit on a chair and be on your own. Everyone needs a bit of time to themselves. They are both over 3 so what about trying to get them to a nursery for a couple of hours each morning? You'll have some time to unwind, do housework (ugh), do the shopping - just be on your own. I know the time when the kids are at school is important to me.

I do know how you're feeling. My DS (now 9½) was diagnosed with ADHD and associated problems nearly 3 years ago. It's been extremely difficult dealing with his tempers, tantrums, violent behaviour, etc - particularly as I was also coping with a newborn. However, we've all been seen at CAHMS (child and adolescent mental health service) where DS was diagnosed, and he's on treatment, receives therapy sessions and I've had lots of help from the ADHD team with positive parenting skills.

And don't worry about the odd smack - my DS had a few when he was smaller - but things have improved since his treatment.

Hope this helps - sending you hugs {{{{{Lousie}}}}}

Thanks Bubbly and Stargazer.

Im feeling better today more calm than yesterday, plus Cory isnt in one of his moods (yet!). We are going to get dressed and go into the yard to tidy up for our guinea pigs comming on wednesday.

Im going to tidy up while they play outside. Im sick of watching kids TV too, when they go out I might put some music on and relx a bit.

Bubbly have you seen our thread for a break away? Think we are going to Stratford upon Avon ner Jampots. Id love it if you'd join us? And the rest of you!

louise, no i havent seen that thread, will take a peek in a moment

isnt it awful when all thats on is kids tv programmes!!

i have to bribe my ds and tell him i will give him a treat if i can watch an hour of my programme!

its good to see you are going away, something for you all to look forward to...i been to strattford its a lovely place and id love to meet you there but dh working and we are going to cornwall in a few weeks time when he is off

but you have fun, hope the weather is sunny for you, am going to see find that thread now
glad the beginning of today is going good

Hi Louise

Glad you are feeling better today.

I have read your thread about going away and that sounds like a great idea. However if it isn't going to be for a while do you think you can get any time off before that?

Stargazer's idea was good, could you do that?

I am really not looking forward to dd making me watch a lot of childrens TV and I have a feeling it is going to be soon!

Louise, sorry didnt know you were struggling at the moment.

I had an awful time with Megan a while back and did a positive parenting course that helped to focus on what I needed to do - they are free and are a break in themselves as they provide a free creche!

I did it at the riverside centre near Royal Quays.

Ive done the parenting courses and I understand that I need to be more positive but if HV is right and its more structured stimulation he needs then they really arnt much help. I need s0omeone to tell me what sort of things to do woth him, etc.