Plese support me

[Louise1980]

Well things came to a head yesterday afternoon. I was pushed to my limits and I hit him. I feel so guilty. I went to hit his bottom and he moved and I hit his face. It bust his nose. I know some of you will think terrible of me now but no worse than I feel myself. I hit my son and made his nose bleed, I will never forgive myself.

Ive told me GP and his school and now I feel as though Im being listened to.

I just wish it hadnt had to come to this for people to realise how much help I need with his behaviour.

Im not making this a secret post as I think people need to be honest and open about these things as Im asking for your support.

Im getting a visit from my health visitor tomorrow and Im goin to keep posting on here. Its just my way of letting off steam as I dont want things to go as far as they did yesterday.

[bigdonna]

hi louise,i realised from another thread you are from blyth im from newcastle but live in mitcham surrey.sorry i hope i did not sound patronising in my last post.my son is nearly 8 and needs lots of physical stimulating.luckily i have just got him into cricket and football.i also try and do arts and crafts just to stop my kids fighting.I bought some modeling clay (that gos hard and then you can paint it.what do your sons enjoy doing? I actually have a friend who works with small kids i will ask her for some ideas,she used to work on the meadow well now she works in north shields.take care

[Louise1980]

bigdonna, Im grateful for all the suppost I get from here. People often repeat what Ive already been told, or tried. It just makes me try it again. Im waiting to hear from my health visitor to see whe I can get a nursery nurse to do playwork. My sister is a nursery nurse though and she has been a big help. She also has had a lot of information/support from her colleagues at work who have known us since before I had ds2. They understand all the problems but as they all work together their solutions seem to be the same.

I really think that when I can learn more ways to stimulate him and have more structured activities I will be able to get his behaviour in order, well thats the theory.

[weesaidie]

Hi Louise

I know absolutely nothing about how to help you to be honest! I think other ideas about structured play, etc sound good.

I am just really posting to let you know I hope you are okay and to see if anyone else is managing to give you some actual practical advice! I hope you find something/someone who can help you!

[Louise1980]

Thank you for your support saidie. I think I just need to know that Im not a condemned woman for lashing out in anger on the spur of the moment.

[weesaidie]

Not at all. I am sure in your situation many people would have reacted similarly. You obviously felt absolutely awful about it and are a very good mother.

I have no idea about discipline! My dd is only 14 months and I am waiting terrified of her first tantrum! Eek.

[Louise1980]

My ds2 has had tantrums for as long as I can remember. When he first learnt to sit up he used to bounce up and down in his temper. It was quite funny to watch!

[weesaidie]

lol Louise.
Well it sounds like you have had loads to deal with and are coping very well!

[bubbly1973]

louise, just checkin in on you to see how you been today

do you boys like to walk? with the summer coming along perhaps lots of long walks

maybe you could learn how to make a kite with your eldest and then fly that in a park or even buy one, my ds who is almost 3 loves to watch me 'trying' to fly my kite in the park

what about buying a small paddling pool for them..do you have a garden? its great if you do and can get one cos it passes about an hour of time away whilst you sit down and rest with a nice cold drink

well take care and dont be too hard on yourself, your only human, humans make mistakes, we try to learn from them, if we didnt make mistakes then how are we to learn from them

[bigdonna]

hi louise ,have you tried going to any playgroups, are there any 1 o clock clubs in your area as these normally have structured play.i do understand ,my little boy is a big handful after we have had a bad day i feel like crying but i just have to think tomorrow is another day and i do another star chart as these do change my sons behaviour.i do not smack him anymore as he started hitting everyone else,and i have a bad temper and frightened if i did hit him i would not stop!!sometimes i feel helpless even though i have so many years experience.And i know some of my nanny friends look at me and cannot believe how badly behaved he is,and that i cannot control him sometimes.you are not alone.

[Looneymum]

Hi Louise, how's it going today? I have tons of respect for you admitting to how hard it gets. I sometimes look at my friends and think I am the only one with a crazy temper. That said, having friends with kids the same age (DD1 is 3yrs and DD2 is 10 months) really helps. Did you keep in touch with any of your antenatal lot? We used to take turns busting into tears and off loading all the stresses of the week... I remember somebody once saying that rather than making a sticker chart for a toddler, it should be for the mam's! Get a sticker if you can keep your temper...! Like all those things, it works when you aren't too worked up... Try and have a good day. My parents live in Blyth and I always think there are tons of things for little ones to do up that neck of the woods. Take Care.

[bigdonna]

you are so right looneymum i need a sticker chart just shouted at my ds nearly 8 for making a mess at the picnic sandwiches,im such a grumpy cow.i should have made them myself !!!

[Looneymum]

I just seem to shout all the time. My DD1 (3 yrs) says to me "are you happy with me mummy".. "have you got a happy face"! What a nightmare, I am sure I am mentally damaging her. She is such hard work (or at least I make it seem that way) and she just winds me up soooooo much! I feel dreadful saying these things. When she is good she is really good but when she is bad.....aaggrrrhhhh!

[Louise1980]

Loonymum there are lots for the kids to bo but the cost usually stops me as I dont have much money. I dont like taking them to the park as the big one is being revamped and the smaller ones are over run with drunk teenagers, even on a saturday afternoon!

[Louise1980]

Today has been good. We have been to the meet up in Jesmond Dene and kids really loved it. They were really tired and fell asleep on the bus on the way home!

They were both really well behaved compared to normal!!

[weesaidie]

Glad to hear you had a good day sweetie!

Must have been good for you to get out with all the other mums too!

[bubbly1973]

louise glad to see you had a good day today

looneymum, i cant believe it! your dd says exactly the same thing as my ds. ds says'are you happy' to me when he had done something that may pee me off but he isnt sure so checking

everyday i have to wake up in th emorning and say 'today im going to be a good mother and not shout'...last till i get out of bed!

[sandymogs]

Hi Louise, do you have YWCA in your area. The reason I ask is that they provide excellent services for young women and mothers (age under 29 I believe). In our area they provide playgroups and free training courses for young women with creche facilities. My daughter who has 3 children aged 4, 2 and 8 months has found them really helpful.
I know how you feel with the worry of the question of autism, as I have a 12 year old son with High Functioning Autism. As you said there were 3 cases of autism in the family then perhaps you should ask you GP or HV for a professional assessmnent to be carried out even if it is to rule it out and put your mind at rest. The trouble is it all depends on what county you live in as to what services are available. Has anyone suggested autism to you or is it just a fear?

[Louise1980]

Sandymogs Ive explained my concerns to GP and HV but I feel as though they are brushed off. HV says theres no signs of hyperactivity as he sleeps all night and can watch TV for 3 minutes!

[sandymogs]

Louise, your HV obviously doesn't know that much about autism as the diagnostic criteria for autism doesn't have to include hyperactivity, sleepless nights or not being able to watch TV for longer than 3 minutes. It sound to me as if your HV is getting confused with symptoms of ADHD and not autism! It may be that they feel he is a bit young yet and want to see how he progresses.

I had difficulty getting a diagnosis for my son until he was 7 and we only had that due to us moving county! My son had many autistic traits which were visible as young as 2. If your son has developed speech then he will needs to be assessed for the possibility of having Aspergers Syndrome or high functioning autism. My son was diagnosed with high function autism due to delayed speech but fits into the Aspergers Syndrome category now that he is older. He is not hyperactive and is able to watch TV for long periods (children with autism love to watch their favourite cartoons, films and programmes for long periods, infact get quite obsessed with them!)
If you are really concerned you can contact the National Autistic Society for advice the link is here They should be able to offer advice and guide you through the process of diagnosis if he exhibits signs of autism. Please feel free to email me if you want any advice or to talk about it. [email protected]

[Louise1980]

Well I had visit from another HV today and this one has promised me she will stick with me. We talked about everything I feel and all the things Ive been through since falling pg with ds2. She was really supportive and didnt try to tell me that I have 2 perfectly normal boys. It feels like a huge relief that someone else can see the problems. Shes accepted that I have different problems with each boy and has suggested that I devise different punishments for each one. It is gong to be a long hard trek but I have to do it for me and them. If I dont we will end up in a really bad way!

[bubbly1973]

louise, im glad you have finally found a hv who will listen to you

together you will work this out and hopefully the end results will be worth waiting and perserviering (sp?) for

saw your other thread on 'chat' just now, so sorry you are also having a shitty time with your ex..what an arse for messing you around like this

take care hun and have a nice weekend

[Louise1980]

Well things havnt been too bad this week and it was back to school so thats made a difference.

This morning though i got up to a letter from social services. They are paying me a visit on wednesday. They told me there was no need to see me as it was undercontrol now and I had the support of my HV and school. Why just suddenly decide to visit like this? Should I be worried?

[Louise1980]

Well Im pleased to say we've had a good few days. He's taking less time to do as he is told and not having so many hyper moments. And his hyper highs arn't as high as they were.

I havnt seen my HV in over a week and no word from the nursery nurse Im supposed to have for support either! Its just been a case of sticking to a fairly strict routine where bedtimes/mealtimes are concerned and no rubbis to eat or drink. Hes also eating better. See my other thread Im so shocked!!!

Naughty stair is working and so is the positive talk. He even had a dry night other day which I was wondering if it could be a result of the changes?