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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Plese support me

73 replies

Louise1980 · 24/05/2005 19:47

Well things came to a head yesterday afternoon. I was pushed to my limits and I hit him. I feel so guilty. I went to hit his bottom and he moved and I hit his face. It bust his nose. I know some of you will think terrible of me now but no worse than I feel myself. I hit my son and made his nose bleed, I will never forgive myself.

Ive told me GP and his school and now I feel as though Im being listened to.

I just wish it hadnt had to come to this for people to realise how much help I need with his behaviour.

Im not making this a secret post as I think people need to be honest and open about these things as Im asking for your support.

Im getting a visit from my health visitor tomorrow and Im goin to keep posting on here. Its just my way of letting off steam as I dont want things to go as far as they did yesterday.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

sparklymieow · 24/05/2005 19:50

Oh hun, I won't tell you that what you did was terrible as I have been there myself. I lost it with my DD1 and realised that I needed help with her behaviour. I had to wait a year but I finally have some respite in place now.
At least the Gp and school are aware now.

hunkermunker · 24/05/2005 19:52

Oh, sweetheart You've taken the first step and will get the help you need now, I'm sure. Keep posting xxxxxxxxxxxxx

LGJ · 24/05/2005 19:57

I am sure he is fine, but how are you ??

I am glad you are finally being listened to.

LGJ

Original poster

Louise1980 · 24/05/2005 19:57

All I want is for some1 else to see how hard he is and give me some support to make him better.

OP posts:

Original poster

Louise1980 · 24/05/2005 19:59

Thanks LGJ. To be honest I feel like shite. He didnt want to go to school today because he didnt think Id be here when he got home. I once told him that when you were naughty you got took to a naughty boys home, he thinks I will go to naughty mammys home.

Ive been with my grandma all day as Im terrified to be alone with them incase I loose it again.

OP posts:

trinityrocks · 24/05/2005 20:01

Noone is judging you here, well done for finally getting help

Are you o.k, do you think you are actually going to get the help you need?

Hope things have been better today

sparklymieow · 24/05/2005 20:01

unfortunely it takes something like this for people to listen..... I had been saying for 3 years that I couldnt handle her and it took a lot for anyone to listen. I phoned up Social services in tears saying I couldn't handle her and I wanted her to go into care, I then was able to get people to listen.

Original poster

Louise1980 · 24/05/2005 20:08

Ive asked for social services to come out but apparantly even this doesnt warrant a social worker. Dont know if thats good or bad.

OP posts:

debs26 · 24/05/2005 20:22

hi louise im sorry you are going through a hard time, we are there aswell at the moment, waiting to see school doctor to see if he can refer us to clinical psychologist as ed psy and all other routes have come to a dead end. dont beat yourself up about it, you didnt mean for it to happen the way it did and im sure it wont again, you dont need to worry about being alone with him. i send ds1 to his room or to sit on the stairs before he gets too much but i know how easily you can cross that line. will let you know if we manage to find help, i hope you get some quickly

Original poster

Louise1980 · 24/05/2005 20:24

Debs my aunty is a senco and Im still struggling so I dont hold out much hope for a sollution.

And if one more person tells me he will grow out of it I will scream!

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emmamama · 24/05/2005 20:51

First of all, you are not a bad mother. You are a human being who loves her children and are not perfect. Just like the rest of us.

You have the health visitors attention tomorrow. Make sure, if she cannot help you,she does not leave until you have a next point of referral.(I'm not condoning kidnap).

Nobody will be taking your children off you and nobody is judging you.

You have many friends on mumsnet whether you think so or not. And most importantly, your children love you more than anything in the world!

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, will you let us know how you get on?

Original poster

Louise1980 · 25/05/2005 15:56

Thanks for all of your support. The health visitor called out today and she really listened. She is goint to get a nursery nurse to come out and see if we can sort an action plan out and do more stimulating activities for him. She also thinks this will help ds2. She watched ds1 and timed him watching tv and shes quite sure that ther is not attentiion disorders there. She thinks that hes a bored child with lots of excess energy.

Last night was an awful night though. I put kids to bed at 7.30, later than usuall as I'd been out. I went up at 9pm and boys were awake. I had a bath and ds2 went to sleep. Ds1 came into my room about 10 and said he couldnt sleep, he needed a hug. He eventually dropped off and so did I. At 11pm he woke me screaming. This didnt stop till 0:45am when I eventually managed to wake him. He then was awake till well after 3am. He told me hes scared of me and that it was me in his nightmare.

I feel like shit.

OP posts:

emmamama · 25/05/2005 16:45

How do you feel now that the HV has been?

Give your DS time, give him lots of attention and praise, let him see what a fab mother you are, cliche I know - but he will forget what happened, I'm sure.

You need to put it behind you, easier said than done I know but what's important is how you are now. You cannot turn the clock back. And keep on remembering how much your kids love you!

Sorry if this sounds patronising, I really don't mean for it to be.

debs26 · 25/05/2005 16:50

im sure he isnt really scared of you. why would he come for a hug if he was? i dont want to sound unkind but is he old enough to be milking this?

lunarx · 25/05/2005 19:17

i wish i knew what to say, i; like others here won't judge you... talking to your GP and HV is a big step...:hugs:

Original poster

Louise1980 · 25/05/2005 20:04

No I really dont think he's milking it. He hates mentioning it. When HV came out 2day he asked me if he would need to talk about being smacked. When I asked him why he said he doesnt want to talk about it. Especially through the night, hes not old enough or quick enough to think that fast.

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charlie72 · 25/05/2005 21:32

my heart goes out to you.

When my youngest was 9-18 mths old, he just would not sleep. When he did sleep, he'd wake every 2 hrs & be up for at least 30-40 mins at a time just crying - you know, that really awful whining moan when there's nothing really wrong. It was awful & many times I wondered whether it was all worth it.

I eventually spoke with my HV who was absolutely FAB and helped me work through it. Having a really good routine was the key and the difference in a couple of weeks was amazing. 18mths later, he's an angel - almost like he's different child!!!

The fact that you're speaking about it can only be a good thing.

Lots of luck to you all!! x

Lucymoo · 25/05/2005 21:49

Hiya,i really feel for you and i think your really,really brave for speaking out about this.If you werent a caring loving mum then you wouldnt be opening up and asking for help.My little lad used to be terrible all he did was cry and he barely slept,if it wasnt for my mum taking him for the afternoons then i wouldnt like to say what would have happened!He's an angel now but i still havent forgotten that terrible time.Try to keep strong. x

wendy33 · 25/05/2005 21:53

Hi Louise. I work in a nursery and have parents ask me how they should deal with these things all the time.
I think it will really help if you have a NN come out to visit you. She will go over alot of things you can do with him and it is all about being consistant with your constant praise and keep the discipline the same.
A good example ids Dr tania Byron from Little Angels. I have been using these stratagies with nursery children for years and it really does work with persistance.
If you need a chat CAT me and I will add u to my MSN.

Hugs to you x

debs26 · 25/05/2005 21:53

sorry louise, just thought id suggest it cos my two can do it and have done from quite a young age.

sansouci · 25/05/2005 22:03

How awful for you, Louise. I've smacked my ds a couple of times & hated myself for it. I think in a way it's worse for us than it is for them. The guilt is terrible & you wonder if you might not completely lose it one day & if so, maybe you should be separated, etc. I went to the ped with this problem. I thought he would have me referred to a psych or someone but no, he just recommended that when I felt I was losing control to put ds into his room/cot & take a "breather". It works!

Original poster

Louise1980 · 26/05/2005 10:24

Well we got up today ane me and Ellis(ds1) made an agreement. I wont shout if he will be a bit better. Hes going to start a new sticker chart and Im going to spend an hour or 2 in an afternoon playing with them. Im also going to start reading them a bedtime story.

Im not going back to university in september, Im going to conventrate on the boys. Theres plenty time for degrees and certificates later.

Any suggestions for activities will be gratefully accepted.

OP posts:

bambi06 · 26/05/2005 10:31

how old are they?

Original poster

Louise1980 · 26/05/2005 10:34

4 and almost 3

OP posts:

bigdonna · 26/05/2005 10:44

you could try potato painting,painting, playdough,sticking ,making biscuits or cakes,water play outside,hand and feet painting,role play, playing shops.all these things i find my kids still love doing.

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