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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Paranoia about using a dummy - am I the only 1?

27 replies

mamawantsadayoff · 03/08/2009 22:09

Hiya,

Didnt use a dummy for DD. Probably would have done if I'd tried to get her to take one more than once!
DS 9 weeks & have been giving it to him to help him fall asleep on & off for about 3 weeks. Using it more regularly now though as couldnt get him to settle himself into naps or bedtime sleep without rocking the moses basket or feeding to sleep. At the moment he doesnt wake in the night needing to go back to sleep. He tends to wake for a feed 4 ish or 5 ish then goes back to sleep off that (BF). I am paranoid though that this day will come -am I wrong?? Also wasnt using it at bedtime but was the only thing that would settle him the last few nights & stopped him screaming the place down - tried CC one night but after 50 minutes of crying gave up - too heartbreaking! Now paranoid that have made a rod for my own back as it will be something I'm going to have to deal with if I want him to settle himself at bedtime.
Because I didnt use a dummy first time round I feel like I've wimped out doing it this time & I'm trying to make m life easier for now but possibly not in the long-run????
Any advice / reassurance greatly appreciated.

p.s. this site is great! Only just joined but already feel so much more normal reading about all other Mum's out there with exactly the same issues as me!

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glucose · 03/08/2009 22:14

No you are not the only one. Dummies are fine, but not everyone on MN will agree.

Seona1973 · 03/08/2009 22:18

I found a dummy very helpful with ds up till about 5 months when he started waking lots looking for it. At that point I took it away and used a bit of pick up/put down to get him to settle without it.

GruffaloMama · 03/08/2009 22:57

My DS was very 'sucky' - held off a dummy until about 6 weeks. But he spent most of that time attached to me (boob or finger) or DH (finger - boob not available...). He still uses his dummy now (10 months) but only for naps (generally goes to sleep without it at night).

I couldn't have lived with out our lovely dummy. Not sure that CC would work with a little one.

Heebychick · 04/08/2009 11:29

Hi,

I have a 2 yr old DD and she had a dummy from early on until around 4 months, at which point we took it away and gave her a blankie which she still has today. It was better to take it away at this stage rather than later on when they can 'ask' for it or rely on it so much.

Now i have another DD, 2 weeks, and she uses a dummy on occasion when she is over tired and needs a little comfort.

An osteopath told me that the sucking action helps to relax the tummy muscles and therefore a dummy might suit some babies with a windy tummy or that gain comfort from sucking. it is better than sucking on boob and therefore not feeding correctly and possilbly increasing wind.

Don't worry for now, use it if your DS enjoys it and gains comfort from it and then at 3-4 months think about taking it away. It took one night on upset and lots of reassuring cuddles and the habit was gone.

girlsyearapart · 04/08/2009 11:48

yes snap same feelings here.I didn't give dd1- nearly 2 a dummy as I don't really like them and neither did she. She has a comfort blanket thing(which stinks!!) will only have that specific one so have had to re trace steps when lost few times. At least dummies are interchangeable!dd2 is nearly 1 and has had a dummy from a few months.I try really hard just to let her have it for sleeping or to relax her when she's itching her excema like mad.Dh and my parents let her have it whenver though which is annoying.

I really hate it when kids walk about playing with them in their mouths or try to talk around them. dd2's friend has one almost constantly and is not talking very well as a result.
We did go through a stage of having to go and put it in but now she finds it herself if she wakes. We used to put her to bed with sometimes and without other times but she seems more dependent on it as she gets older.I think with second or subsequent children you have less time/hands to pick up and comfort so dummy is convenient!

Original poster

mamawantsadayoff · 04/08/2009 11:57

Thanks ladies - really good to hear experience based advice ! Will stop worrying, go with it for now & try taking away in a couple of months .

OP posts:

Original poster

mamawantsadayoff · 04/08/2009 12:05

I know what you mean girlsyearapart thats what bugs me about them too. I guess you have to be conscious of not letting it get that far!

OP posts:

HensMum · 04/08/2009 12:07

I was the most anti-dummy person ever...until I had DS! Gave one to him one night at 4 weeks and haven't really looked back. We're strict with it - he only has it for sleeping. If he asks at other times he's told no, dummies are for sleeping and distracted with something else.

He's 22 months old now and although I would like to get rid of it, I think we're going to wait until he's old enough to understand the Dummy Fairy or somesuch.

girlsyearapart · 04/08/2009 12:19

Yes and i meant dd1s friend walks about with it. She will be 2 in a few weeks.I look after her a fair bit and remove it from her mouth the second she comes in and she doesn't bat an eyelid! also see her with childminder and paternal gps who 'ration' dummy use too but when she's with her mum it's in constantly. Her dc her choice but then she moans to me about her talking not being developed much yet! Bit difficult with a lump of plastic in her mouth..

Original poster

mamawantsadayoff · 04/08/2009 14:06

It's funny though that I think as parents we really dont notice things with our own that other people pick up straight away - but probably never tell you! Maybe we should all just learn to be more open & honest with each other! Is there such a thing as 'kiddie-blindness'?!

OP posts:

posieparkerinChina · 04/08/2009 14:13

My first two very happy, settled, sleeping through at 10 weeks, delightful dcs had dummies. My second two did not, neither slept through until over a year (dc4 is 9 months and wakes 2 times a night).

I never let them walk around with them during the day, they were only for naps and sleep. Whe it was time to give them up, the christmas after they were two, the big FC took them in exchange for a toy car. They never asked for them.

I don't get why people feel the need to take them away. Both my dcs could find their own in the middle of the night at 7 months......
Even if they didn't, find them that is, I would rather get up at night and pop it back in than let them cry or deprive them of it.

drowninginclutter · 04/08/2009 14:18

I was also quite anti-dummy and didn't get one until DS was 12 weeks. I almost wish I had done it sooner as it did help him settle a lot (I think he did have a lot of tummy trouble as comfort feeding never worked).

I have to have a wry smile at dummies being interchangable though. We started using ones which have now been discontinued and DS will not take any others. Once these get too worn he's just going to have to learn to live without...

lynniep · 04/08/2009 14:25

You know what - I used a dummy and I dont care. The midwives gave DS his first dummy when he was in SCBU (although DH was sent out to get him one big enough because he was full term and they only had teeny weeny preemie ones!)

It settled him immediately and it still comforts him now if he's tired and crotchety(hes 2.5) We try and restrict it to naps and sleeptime only, although he doesnt always ask for it, in which case he doesnt get it. Likewise if he's feeling poorly or tired and asks for it, I'll try and distract him first, but give it to him if I think it'll make him feel better. I dont really see a big issue. I do ask him to take it out when he wants to say something though. Which he does

I'm not that bothered actually - he seems to be gradually giving it up himself and whilst I dont particularly want him to have it for much longer its not the end of the world

GoldenSnitch · 04/08/2009 14:40

Aren't dummies the latest anti-SIDS measure??

As in, they're supposed to help prevent it?

I'm due in December and will be having one on hand. Did for DS (to the disgust of both mother and MIL) but he never wanted it.

GoldenSnitch · 04/08/2009 14:42

SIDs and Dummies advice

GoldenSnitch · 04/08/2009 14:44

It's in the more current advice too. We'll definitely be having a go with one in the Snitch household when DC2 arrives then

DeathbyDora · 04/08/2009 14:47

I was a total (and fairly ignorant) dummy snob with DD and then someone recommended giving one a try with DS. What a revelation!!
Love them. He used to go from screaming wide awake to asleep in about 3 minutes. He has a dummy to sleep along with a handful of little blankies so we are now in the process of telling him that "dummies are not for big boys, they're for babies" and he's started to want it less and less, hopefully before long he'll just have his blankies to go to sleep.
Completely agree with the poster that said she tries to avoid her dc talking or wandering around with them in. We are getting very strict that he doesn't have it at all during the day now.

On another note, they are brilliant if you travel. My DH is from the US so we have had to do a few long flights to visit his family. They really seem to help little ones to equalise the pressure in their ears and DS just settles down and passes out for the most part when we give him his dummy!

Original poster

mamawantsadayoff · 04/08/2009 14:55

That's really interesting to know - would be good to understand exactly how it makes a difference. Nice to know that I'm inadvertently doing something considered to be right. You very rarely feel that as a Mum do you?

OP posts:

Original poster

mamawantsadayoff · 04/08/2009 15:00

DeathbyDora how old is your DS? I too am encouraging a blankie with DS for comfort so perhaps that will help in the long term for sleep without a dummy.

OP posts:

GoldenSnitch · 04/08/2009 15:04

I believe it has something to do with ensuring their airway stays open but the FSIDS site will be able to tell you more. It's here

Apparently, an American study found SIDS risk to be halved by dummy use!

You're right, being accidentally right is something that very rarely happens as a Mum - bask in the glory while you can Glad I could help.

DeathbyDora · 04/08/2009 16:18

DS is 2yrs 7 mnths. He LOVES his dummy and gets such comfort from it so it's not going to be easy but the whole "big boy" thing really seems to have touched a nerve as he has started repeating it back to me and saying "big boys have blankies, not dummies"!

He goes to bed in a big heap with about 6 cotton blankies (or 'receiving blankets' as they are called in the US.) They have become as much a part of his sleep routine as bath/milk/dummy etc so hopefully losing the dummy won't be such a drama. Fingers crossed!!

pranma · 04/08/2009 18:22

My dgs tells me that when he is three the dummy fairy will take his dummy and leave him a present.He only has it to fall asleep and I think my dd has found it a godsend.

HarryB · 04/08/2009 21:37

I think dummies have saved my sanity lately. DS has been teething - poor thing cut both bottom teeth within a day of each other - and has been really grumpy. He wont use a teether so I put some dummies in the fridge before giving to him. Ds isn't the best napper either but a dummy settles him within minutes rather than an exhausted me rocking him for an hour to no avail. My MiL hates them of course, but then she hates everything I do. I'd love to stick a dummy in her gob - permanently!

Heebychick · 04/08/2009 21:38

With our DD1 she has her blankie as i mentioned and she sucks the corner to sleep and cannot settle without it, so i guess it's similar to a dummy!

I strongly believe that comforters, in what ever shape or form, do give such a huge support and are such a great source of comfort that they should be encouraged, be it a blankie, teddy, dummy or something else.

What harm can it do to allow your DC to gain constant comfort from something when you cannot be there (as in middle of the night etc)

I'd like one now .... but it would have to be covered in chocolate!

FishInMyHair · 04/08/2009 21:52

Love, Love, Love the dummy.
DS had one which we would clip onto him when he was swaddled (which I know some people would have fits at). Only had it when sleep time and sometimes out in the buggy. At 18 months we took it away after encouraging a lovey- his fluffy ted Barney. Had a few nights of craziness but then ok.
DD had a dummy for a bit which we threaded a muslin through as she liked having things close to her face when she slept. Soon stopped the dummy when she discovered her thumb. Darn it, can't take the thing away! She has had skin come of of her thumb, blisters, hard skin, peeling lips. I wish she had kept the dummy. Now just worried about teeth. Oh, she only sucks at night which is ok.
Go with the dummy.

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