3 year old being too rough with 10 month brother

[13lucky]

My three year old dd was great with her younger brother when he was born...until he was about 4 months old! He's now 10 months old and I feel like it's a constant battleground. He can get around, pull up to standing etc and get to all her things. She doesn't like it. So she pushes him over, closes doors as he's crawling through, shouts at him, puts her arm round his neck as if giving him a cuddle...but then squeezes really tight so he's in a headlock. I try and try to tell her to be gentle and we practice and she's sometimes so loving towards him...and the next minute, bam! It's like she's a jeckel and hyde personality! It's particularly bad when we have other people over and she's not getting as much attention as she'd like. I guess it feels worse at the moment as it's the holidays and she's not got pre-school to distract her. Is this normal behaviour or have I got a monster on my hands?

Hi 13lucky, I've got 2 DS's, 3.7 and 1.7 and DS1 was and still is exactly like that with his brother, he is better than he was (want to give you some hope ) but definitely has to be reminded to be gentle - the worst stage was when DS2 was learning to stand and walk - think he felt threatened and was (and still is) very jealous. I notice it is worse during holidays and when he needs attention - sorry I can't be more positive but just wanted to reassure you that it is normal behaviour

Thanks for the reply. Glad to hear I'm not alone! I do the naughty step with her and she will go and sit there until I tell her to come off, then she comes and says sorry (with a smile on her face!) but then 5 mins later, ds's arm will be trapped somewhere or toys being taken away from him, or she'll be sat on his head!!! She's definitely jealous although, to be fair, it's always her getting all the attention (whether good or bad) as she is by far still the most demanding (always has been with or without a sibling!). I just wonder whether there's more I should be doing but hoping she'll grow out of it!

I know exactly how you feel, although I fear I have most of this still to come. My DD (3 in a few weeks) is so heavy handed with DS (4mths). She has been since he was born, and I think its a miracle that he's still in one piece to be honest. She bounces his chair so hard he nearly springs out of it, she is constantly trying to kiss his eyes (!), she pulls on the side of the moses basket etc etc. I can't risk leaving them together for a SECOND! I had always put this down to the fact that she loved him so much, until my HV commented that she seemed a bit jealous of him. I have now noticed that the 'heavy handed-ness' is far worse when I am paying him attention or when she is in a bad mood/bored. I do feel sorry for DS as I end up almost ignoring him so that I don't encourage DD too much. She is a real Diva and I dread to think how poor DS is going to suffer as he grows up!!!!!

I can safely say that 'gentle' is the most overused word in my household......