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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

My 18 month old cries when i pick her up from nursery - Why?

11 replies

mum24uk · 30/07/2009 19:56

The last couple of weeks my 18 month old has started to cry and have a tantrum when i pick her up from nursery. She even runs away from me sometimes. It up sets me and i think it make me look bad in front of the nursery staff. What am I doing wrong? She there 2 and a half days a week. Shes not a cryie baby when at home, so i dont understand. Am I not giving her enough attention?

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wrinklytum · 30/07/2009 20:00

DD di this too,for a while,eventually she grew out of it.

It used to amuse the nursery staff and I as they had had the opposite problem with ds (cried when I dropped him off)

DD also went 2 days a week.

I think she was just having too much fun at nursery!

(It doesn't make you a bad mum)

Original poster

mum24uk · 30/07/2009 20:06

Thanks for that! I hope she does grow out of it. It just make me feel awful sometimes. thanks for your input

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thingamajig · 30/07/2009 20:09

My dd is also 18 months and is absolutely knackered by the time she has done a day at nursery. She is so much more likely to cry/tantrum when she is tired, so I would put it down to that in the most part.
Also try to have a word with the nursery staff about it. They are so much more experienced in seeing how children behave at nursery (and having done work experience at a nursery I would say pick up/drop off times are the most highly emotional for the child (and parent) and pass through different developmental stages that they could reassure you that this is not unusual and that they don't think that you are a bad mum - I'm sure they really don't.

wuglet · 30/07/2009 20:25

DD has done this since she was about 15months....she is now 3.1 and still does it!

I think it is just because it isn't until she sees me that she realises how much she has missed me

Rosebud05 · 30/07/2009 21:47

I know what you mean. I think pp is right that they suddenly realise that they've been without you for a period of time and generally get overwhelmed with conflicting emotions that they can't express in any other way. I find it quite stressful too.

Lindax · 30/07/2009 22:12

ds, now 5, did this for a few months around that age. I alway thought it was just because he was tired and couldnt cope with change / leaving nursery to go home.

He would be crying and clinging onto the nursery ladies as if he never wanted to go home again, would need to prise his fingers open to get him to let go of them (honestly I am a nice mummy!!) - luckily I've got a thick skin and didnt take it too personally. Once he was in the car he was fine.

Think its a common stage for them to go through, have seen other mums at our nursery having the same problem.

wobbegong · 30/07/2009 22:28

I think she is expressing how cross she is with you for leaving her TBH. As others say, she remembers that you left her, and is overwhelmed with lots of emotions. My DD does the same sometimes when I pick her up from the CM. I really think that they grow in and out of it, depending what kind of phase they are in about separation. My DD was very happy, then a lot more clingy, then happy... etc. You're right- it does make me feel awful, but then I do honestly believe that she is very happy in the day with the CM and that it is good for her to spend some time with mummy, some apart from mummy...

chegirl · 30/07/2009 22:29

All mine have done it.

I think its a sort of emotional release. Part tiredness, part joy at seeing you, part punishing you for leaving them, part not wanting to go home, part really wanting to go home ...

I am sure there are a few more to add to the list. A lot goes on in a preschooler's head

themachinist · 01/08/2009 16:00

Mine did it at this age, despite being happy at home and at nursery. Now fine, although sometimes cry when have to leave Grandma's! irritating.

Agree with everything chegirl says above re potential reasons. Try not to worry, its normal

TheRedSalamander · 01/08/2009 20:02

"Oh mum there you are I'm so pleased to see you I held it together pretty well today but Charlie bumped into me and I fell over and hurt my knee and Daisy screamed and it frightened me cos she was really loud and there was a bird in the garden that flapped its wings and I didn't like it flapping its wings they looked nasty and it was spaghetti bolognese for tea but I don't really like spaghetti bolognese do I mum but I couldn't tell you cos you weren't here so I'm letting it all out now. Waaaaaaaaah!"

That's what I've always put it down to anyway

Also my ds1, who's now 4.9, has always found the transition bit really hard going. And I think it started around about 18 months, just when his language was picking up. So going from home-somewhere else or coming from somewhere else to go home would always end in tears- and is still a bit fraught sometimes now (he's grumpy though rather than tearful).

We've always found it a lot easier when there are only a few people about (i.e. get him to nursery earlier than the bulk of the class and pick him up when the main rush is over). Plus don't rush it, we still spend a good 10 mins being in his world before expecting him to leave/before we leave.

Hope that helps, sorry it's a bit long!

Original poster

mum24uk · 01/08/2009 22:09

thanks you guys for all your input. Its good to know that its not just me

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