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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

His way or mine?

12 replies

Yorky · 10/07/2009 22:38

HELP! DD is being a pain at bedtimes, and all yesterday evening. She was better this evening but has been kicking off for the last half hour DH went up to settle her and she was looking for me. I went and took her and she went quiet in a couple of minutes - not looking for the boob, just me. I kind of like it but he is talking of having to break her of it. It sounds so vicious. He also wants her out of our room, we had an argument about it at 1am this morning when he got in drunk and I was feeding her. I don't know if its teeth or what, there's no temperature. Is she just a clingy baby? She hasn't been sleeping well for a while either, every 2-3 hrs is not unusual for her. She's 7.5months
In the day she's mostly a happy healthy smiley little girl, but has been known to kick off when she sees me holding DS! I do think she has a short fuse and is pretty stubborn, but is 'breaking' her of her mummy's girl ness a good idea, and how?

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Supercherry · 11/07/2009 19:00

No Yorky, I don't think 'breaking' a baby of 7.5mths in any way, shape or form is a good idea. She's just a young baby who sounds like she wants the comfort of her mummy.

She sounds like a perfectly normal baby to me. They often are 'clingy' at this age, it's normal, as is night waking etc.

Don't listen to your DH, you are doing the right thing in being reponsive to your baby's needs. The more you respond the more she will begin to trust that she will get her needs met and the more secure she will feel.

nickschick · 11/07/2009 19:03

Im not being judgey but arguments at 1am are hardly conducive to a contented baby.

Supercherry · 11/07/2009 19:07

You're probably right Nickschick but I have to confess DP and I have had our fair shair of arguments at early hrs of the morning what with sleep deprivation and a poorly sleeping baby so while it may not be conducive you're probably not in the minority there Yorky!

Original poster

Yorky · 11/07/2009 20:14

Thank you supercherry, you may have guessed by the time of the op, after a 1am argument (not a major one and pretty unusual, no shouting but point taken nickschick) that I was feeling a bit vulnerable and questioning my judgement

Part of me wants her to not be clingy and settle for him as well as for me. Part of me was disappointed because she used to go to bed and settle herself pretty well. And there is a part of me which loved being wanted.

I ended up giving her calpol last night which quieted her fairly quickly so maybe its a tooth issue,
On a happier note she has settled better this evening, fingers crossed for what happens next

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nickschick · 11/07/2009 21:24

ohhh god no I myself have had some stonking rows - im not being 'up myself' I was just saying that whilst feelings are high the baby is bound to pick up on it.

I think shes maybe having a bit of agrowth spurt coupled with some teething or even just feeling the effects of this unusual weather we are having and she feels a bit out of sorts,but if you are suddenly having broken nights sleep after a while of not having them tempers are bound to get a bit short.

It will pass.

Supercherry · 12/07/2009 15:32

Hope your DD slept better last night Yorky, and hopefully it is just teething and can be sorted with Calpol.

In my opinion sleep deprivation is the hardest bit about parenting. When it comes to sleep I have always just done whatever was needed to get my DS to sleep and just did whatever comforted him at the time, be that mummy, daddy, dummy, more milk, white noise, you name it, we've tried it!

Gradually, over 17mths, DS's sleep has been improving of it's own accord, that's without any kind of sleep training and without 'breaking' him of any habits. Personally, I just think some babies will be poor sleepers by adult standards and that this is perfectly normal, tiring though it may be.

Original poster

Yorky · 12/07/2009 19:59

Thanks, we had a better evening although she was still up at 1130 230 500
I think I am like you supercherry, in that she will learn to sleep better in her own way eventually, whereas DH wants her to sleep like an adult. It doesn't help that friend has a 2wk old who is shaping up to be a better sleeper than DD already!
The argument was over when she moves out of our room - he wants her out asap as he thinks we are disturbing her and thats why she wakes - but if I have to get up 2 or 3 times a night to her I don't want her in a separate room! Also, we want her to share with DS and don't want her waking him. Or him waking at 530 am (his usual) and poking her through the cot bars before we get up!

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Supercherry · 13/07/2009 12:00

Yorky, to answer your original question- your way. Definitely, especially as you're the one getting up during the night (have I read this right?).

If, however, your partner is convinced that she will sleep better in another room, then I suppose there is no harm testing his theory out for a night or two.

Original poster

Yorky · 13/07/2009 20:12

I am doing it my way without argument for the next fortnight as DH is away with work. Will be knackered when he gets back as she was at her supreme worst last night, but went down pretty well this evening, fingers crossed. Will probably try putting her in the spare room when he gets back - depending on how she gets on in the meantime.
Thank you for saying that you did whatever it took to get your DC to sleep asap - I hear lots of short term pain long term gain comments but I am too tired to pick a fight with a stubborn little girl who wants a drink to put her back to sleep.

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jenster1976 · 14/07/2009 11:56

Hi, FWIW we moved our DD1 out of our room at 5 months because I felt that we were keeping each other awake - i had loads of reservations, especially as I was the one who had to get up to her to feed her, but she definitely did sleep better once moved, still not all the way through for a while, but much less restlessly. She was such a fidget, but when I wasn't aware of it I slept better and she obviously started to resettle herself before she had a chance to fully wake up when she couldn't see / smell me so close by I think....

Original poster

Yorky · 14/07/2009 13:30

Hi Jenster, thanks for your comment, its interesting that you slept better when she was in her own room, not just her sleep improved. Maybe I do hear small noises and respond too quickly?
But when people say that we disturb her - she hasn't once woken when we've been BDing
But after a hideous night on Sunday, last night wasn't nearly as bad so I have no idea what is going on!

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Supercherry · 15/07/2009 20:24

Yorky, I completely ignore the 'rod for your own back' type comments.

They're only babies for such a short time really and I can't see DS coming to me for a cuddle and a bottle of milk when he is 15yrs old so they will definitely grow out of their baby sleeping patterns at some point.

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