siblings arguing constantly, really getting me down

[briarrose]

Hi all,

I have 2 DDs, aged 11 and 10, they have always bickered a little bit, but the 11 year old has always been rather intolerant of the younger one. Lately though all they seem to do is argue, it's got to the point where they just bitch and whine at each other for the slightest thing. I have given up trying to find out who is responsible for what and just taken to banning certain priveleges until they stop fighting, this however leads to constant whingeing. We live in a 2 bed house and so they have to share a room, they dislike this but i'm in no position to get a bigger house.

I'm getting so stressed by it and it seems that all I ever do is shout at them. I was really looking forward to spending the summer holidays with them but now for the first time in their lives I am dreading it. To add to the problem my 11 year old is hormonal and prone to flying off the handle at any time. Only today she decided she didn't want to carry some shopping so she just dropped it on the escalator, then accused me of punching her when I nudged her to pick it up.

I work everyday and would love to come home to a nice environment, would it be too much to ask seeing as we worked so hard to bring them up to be happy? I don't want to spend the little time I have indoors fighting with them. Even at 10 O clock last night they were still bickering, right in the middle of Torchwood aswell! as if it wasn't bad enough!!

May sound bizarre but have you tried sitting them down and telling them this? Asking them to find a solution and talking about how they find living in this environment? Looking at them finding ways of improving things (realistically) if they see a problem. Perhaps if they take ownership of it it may help to resolve it?

It may be that they are not bothered by this and this is all part of them 'growing up' .Although my two are much younger (preschoolers) I do sympathise. I was hoping it gets better as they get older, perhaps not!

I know this isn't really that helpful but I'm amazed they have made it to 10/11 without you feeling like this before. Mine are 6 & 8 and I feel like this regularly - it does seem to come in spurts - they can get on really well for ages and then suddenly they can't be in a room together without finding something - ANYTHING - to argue about. The 11 year old being hormonal probably has a LOT to do with it. Sorry, wish I could be more helpful.

good points, yes we have sat them down and talked to them, with mixed results, and I think it is interesting that you ask if it actually bothers them. I do wonder if it is as bad as I think, they certainly never carry on like that in other people's care, but I just get sick of refereeing. They never used to be this bad. I think perhaps it is the 11 year old entering hormonal territory and the 10 year old just getting cocky.
It always feels like such a battleground though. Last night they were up until 10 arguing about farting. I just drank more wine and shouted intermittently, at that time of the night I want to be relaxing. When I was up late with them as babies it was different, now I think they are old enough to know better and they are just being selfish.

Earlier on for a laugh I showed the 11 yr old a Kevin the Teenager video on you tube and hilariously it was as if HE was mimicking my DD. Made me feel lots better in a funny sort of way. If it's natural it makes it slightly more bearable. I guess i'm living in fairyland just wanting siblings that actually like each other!

thanks for the advice

I am sure that your siblings will like each other. Is all this 'bickering' not them practising their arguing skills and negotiation etc for later life? (It is unfortunate that as parents we have to always hear it). I think the fact that it only happens when you are around shows they have a level of understanding about their behaviour and whether it is appropriateiate.

Perhaps try not to intervene so often and that way you won't feel like a referee? Maybe they can reolve some of these issues themselves (perhaps ask them to take it elsewhere if it is when you have others things you need to do?) Of course there will be situations when you will need to intervene but I wonder sometimes we feel we need to do something when there is nothing to be done?

sorry no advice im in same boat so watching thread my ds11 and dd10 bicker and fight hitting each other too!!!then they will play together my ds is also always shouting its her fault and constantly tells her he hates her.so good luck