Shy child due to start nursery in January - how can I prepare him best?

[Hilary]

Ds1 has always been a confident child - he will talk to anyone, adult or child, loves to play with other children and he makes friends easily.

Ds2 has always been able to rely on his brother talking for him. If they are out somewhere together, ds2 goes off with ds1 and is fine. Now that ds1 is at nursery, I take ds2 to more things on his own. He doesn't let go of me, he won't talk to or play with anyone and if anyone speaks to him he hides himself away.

He is 2.5yrs and will be starting nursery in January. As he is now, I have no idea how he will cope. How can I help to build up his confidence and independence a bit before he goes?

Has anyone got a shy child who has coped really well with it or do they generally struggle more with being left? I would be interested to hear your experiences.

Thanks.

Do you know of any other children that are starting nursery at the same time as ds or someone who is at the nursery already ? If so invite them to play ( maybe just for an hour to begin with )
That way DS will know someone when he starts.

I was in a similar position, ds always being loud and confident, dd shy, quiet. I have always worked so she has always been to a day nursery but I was still concerned about her when she was about to start the nursery attached to the school. I was amazed at how well she coped. I am assuming he will be going to the same nursery that your ds1 is going to now - could you make a point of showing him something different everytime you go in, let him go to the loo in the 'big boy' nursery, all things to boost his confidence. January is still a long way off and he may change alot in that time but it may be worth asking the teachers how they deal with 'clingons'. My only other suggestion would be to prepare him practically, ensure he can go to the loo on his own, he can put his coat, hat and gloves on himself. You could introduce him to some basic shapes and try and encourage him to hold a pencil properly - all quite small things but all will boost confidence.

Our ds was reserved at this age but really settled well at nursery and learnt a lot in a short space of time. Don't underestimate how much he may change and develop over the next few months, especially if he is already learning to cope without his older brother being there all the time.

Perhaps you could try to establish a similar pattern to your mornings with him now as to the nursery's routine. Do they have, for example set times for free play, a craft type activity , singing, snack, story etc. Possibly invite a little friend around to join in.

Presumably he will get the opportunity to visit both with you and on his own before starting in January and this is a good way of highlighting and dealing with any specific anxieties that could arise.

He'll probably really surprise you when the time comes but I can understand your worries on his behalf in anticipation.

good luck

My DSs are the other way round - DS1 is gentle, quiet and a bit shy (generally speaking) and DS2 is a firebrand. Both started nursery when they reached 2 - DS1 alone and DS2 had DS1 there for support, albeit in a different room. Anyway, who had the most trouble settling in?? DS2, the firey one! DS1 has never clung to me, crying when dropped off but DS2 did this for about 2 months.

No advice other than to say it just proves you can't tell what's going to happen! Your DS2 may surprise you - could it be partly due to the fact that he used to do these things with DS1 and misses him rather than all shyness? I'll have this when DS1 starts school in September, leaving me with DS2.

Thanks for all your comments, it is reassuring to know of other shy children who have settled and to hear your suggestions.

He does already know someone who will be there with him, a little girl who he knows from creche at church. I am going to persevere with the toddlers groups between now and then even though it hardly seems worth it when he won't let go of my leg! Getting even a little bit more confident at a toddlers group with me can only help when he goes to nursrey by himself.

I should have said, he is loud, confident and boisterous at home so he does have it in him, just no one else ever sees it!

Even if your child remains clingy during the time he is at nursery, you`ll find going through this stage really helps with school.

My DS was just as you describe yours. He didnt cry at nursery beyond the first 2 weeks but he didnt really enjoy it either. He was especially slow at forming friendships.

I feared for him when starting school but he took to it like a duck to water. He has so many friends his teacher calls him a child magnet.

In short, dont worry too much Hilary. This conident little boy of yours will show himself to the world when he is good and ready.

I find that books with stories about children going to nursery and books about what sort of things he'll be able to do there and also visiting with the child and being shown around were helpful for us. Hope he likes it and you feel good too.

can I recommend a book called "topsy and tim and the new school"? very gentle, very nice, topsy and tim go to the school, meet a lovely teacher, hang their coats on their special pegs, do a bit of painting and then mummy comes to pick them up again. My dd demanded it to be read to her about 2ce a day rising to about 5 times a day before she started at nursery, and it enabled us to talk about how mummys always come back to pick up the children, how lovely teachers are etc. and when she got to nursery and found that she had a special peg to hang her coat on.... well, she was very reassured. £3.99 extremely well spent!