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Behaviour/development

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Original poster

dummy mummy.......oh help

15 replies

architien · 01/07/2009 19:49

I'm new to all this (both myself and two week old first born son). I had a complete nightmare first week, during which the midwife said "goodness has that child fed...(i then explained the long time of feeding, showed position...during which my wee son showed the midwife that he was just wanting to suck and getting cross when milk came) she detached son and he promptly let out another toe curling cry to which she said "that child needs a dummy because he is using you as one". News to me, but made sense. I had never imagined using a dummy (i had heard bad press) and after lots of crying (myself included) i agreed with my other half to do the dummy thing. Now a week later and i regret it. I dont like seeing him with a dummy and i worry about the bad press. How do i dig us out of this one? Any ideas on how to get him to not use it? Is it really just cold turkey or are there some techniques i could try?

OP posts:

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EachPeachPearMum · 01/07/2009 19:57

Some babies need to suck a LOT- my dd was one... it's either a dummy or you I'm afraid- dd never took a dummy, but I did spend a lot of time with her using me as one
Depends how much time you have really... (and how much your nipples can take- she was a soft sucker, some aren't- hence my DS has a dummy! (he is 5mo, had tongue-tie, which made sucking agony for me, and he just uses it at bedtime, not out of his cot.)

Congratulations on your new baby though!

RuthChan · 01/07/2009 20:03

Hi architien
Congratulations on the birth of your son!!
Welcome to motherhood.
I'm afraid that this is bound to be the first of countless dilemas where you are given advice that goes against your own instinct and beliefs. In the main, my advice would be to go with your own gut feelings rather than following advice that you don't feel entirely comfortable with.
I'm don't have any personal experience with dummies, I have never given them to either of my DCs, but I would think that at only 2 weeks, you are fairly safe to go cold turkey on this one. At that age, babies are unbelievably adaptable and they have fairly short memory spans for such things. He may complain for a short time and will certainly return to wanting to suckle endlessly, but as long as you're happy with that it isn't actually a problem. You may well find that if he is a very sucky baby, he will naturally find his own hands and become a finger or thumb sucker in the next few weeks or so.
My DD nursed for hours, especially in the evenings and my DS still does, though it is decreasing now that he is 8 months old.
Whatever you decide to do, good luck with it and don't worry about what other people say or think. Just do what you feel is best for your child.

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy · 01/07/2009 20:18

USE THE FECKING DUMMY

Seriously, if he needs it, he needs it. DD1 had a dummy, she lost it about age 2. With DD2 i was much older and much more "pc", thought, ach, im not using a dummy - but we did try in the end, thing is, she didn't like it. She is a thumb sucker. she had speech delay too. So much for dummies hindering speech!.

I don't like to see dummies really, but you know what - if they provide a baby with comfort, used sensibly - why wouldn't you comfort your child if he needs comforting - you can't have him hanging off your boobs all day, and like you say, he got cross with the milk.

Do whats best for you, stuff everyone else

smee · 01/07/2009 20:38

I was like you and DS had a dummy too. I hated them, and didn't want him to have one, but I was so tired (left it three months before I caved in) and it was the only thing that worked. If it's working for him and you take it, he'll inevitably get stressed. So if it genuinely made a huge difference I'd say you have to let him have it.
You can always look around and get one that doesn't take over his face. We ended up with silicon 'Nuk' ones - they're supposed to be dentist approved - though our son prefered to put them in upside down

smallchange · 01/07/2009 20:42

I had dummy blindness with ds. Result was he spent an awful lot of time sucking my little finger (I had very painful nipples and just couldn't stand letting him suck on me apart for feeding.)

If I had another baby as "sucky" as ds I'd get a dummy. I think if you're responsive to his cues and don't try to use it to space out feeds then there's nothing wrong with it.

BlueberryPancake · 01/07/2009 20:52

I have two DSs, first one wasn't the sucking type, he spat out dummies, never sucked his fingers/thumb. DS2, was BF constantly and I was really tired, so I gave him a dummy and he was in heaven! As time went, I reduced the dummy to when he needed soothing, or when he was tired, and now at 2 he only ever has it to fall asleep in the afternoon and at night. His dummy 'lives' in the cot, we never take it out. I don't care about bad press, but I do care about speech, so it's important to not give it too much during the day later on.

foxytocin · 01/07/2009 21:08

midwife is undermining your breastfeeding.

a breast is not a substitute for a dummy.

a dummy is a substitute for a breast.

babies need to suck a lot. the sucking tells your body to make more milk. he only just left the womb and needs you more than anything else in the world.

let him feed as much as he likes and use that time to rest and gaze at him and fall in love with him. it is called a babymoon. before you know it, he will be a nosy little so and so who will be on and off in 5 mins or less, every 3 hrs or so.

MegBusset · 01/07/2009 21:23

Agree with Foxytocin. No baby needs a dummy (else how did humans survive for thousands of years without them?). Tiny babies need to suck a lot in order to stimulate your milk. It will go very quickly though... DS2 was constantly on the breast for the first few weeks but now (9 weeks) usually goes longer between feeds.

If you're not happy with the dummy just stop using it, park yourself on the sofa with TV remote and chocolate in easy reach and feed whenever your baby wants to.

RuthChan · 01/07/2009 22:04

I have to agree.
The first 6 weeks are when the baby's sucking stimulates your milk supply.
That is the time at which the baby feeds the most.
It is hard work and takes a lot of your time, but it is worth it.
If you can stand it, just let him feed as much as he needs to.

Dozeynoo · 01/07/2009 23:04

DS1 never had a dummy. I did try one and he spat it out in disgust!

DS2 however totally different kettle of fish. By the end of week one when it was taking up to 4 hours to settle him at night we got a dummy and oh how much easier life was!

For a stage he did use it alot but we weaned him off it gradually and by six months he was only having it for naps, by nine months it was gone. DS2 had a run of colds and we were getting up constantly to put the dummy back in so it had to go.

I consider a dummy a coping stratergy. A way of coping for both baby and mum. As both of you develop the dummy has a smaller and smaller role to play.

Dozeynoo · 01/07/2009 23:08

For got to add both DS's were breastfed, and definately no supply problems.

EachPeachPearMum · 02/07/2009 02:22

ditto- my 2 are ebf, ds having a dummy for sleep has had no impact on my supply, because I've always made sure he suckled enough when he needed to. He is 5mo, and far from being on the small side... yet there is no danger of me needing to wean yet, milk supply is certainly adequate.

smee · 02/07/2009 10:08

ditto here too, as I didn't have a supply problem either. The midwives, doctors etc (we saw a lot!) thought DS's colic was being exacerbated as he was suckling for comfort as well as for food and taking more air/ wind/ food and becoming more uncomfortable as a result. Ideally I agree with you foxytocin, but the ideal just didn't work for us - when you've got a lo screaming all day long, pulling his knees up to his chest in pain and suckling at you in a desperate search for comfort, but that's actually making it worse, you give them whatever makes it okay. If that's a dummy, you give them a dummy. + I'd do it again if I had a similarly upset child, though I still don't like them.

foxytocin · 02/07/2009 10:16

i'd hate to let anyone think i am criticizing them for giving her baby a dummy. you do what is you do with the information you had at hand at the time.

a midwife saying 'he is using you as a dummy' is the default setting so many times rather than speaking to the mum for a while longer to investigate a reason why the baby is unsettled / and is a substitute for a lack of bf knowledge in many cases.

smee, did anyone suggest to you to maybe keep your baby close to you in a sling? (i am not trying to get to the bottom of your baby's crying at the time, just curious)

smee · 02/07/2009 10:22

It's okay foxy, I didn't see it as a criticism. As I said ideally I think you're right but sometimes it just doesn't work. In our case DS slept on me and was in a sling for the rest of the time. He screamed if I put him down, so I held him and went with whatever he wanted, in fact he couldn't have been closer poor mite. He just wasn't a very happy baby - bad long birth and he was a teeny bit too early, so that was probably what set it off. He was very colicky, very mithery and not very sleepy as a result. As I said, we got lots of advice and I resisted the dummy calls for the first three months, but it was in the end the only thing that worked. Sad really. I wish it had been different. He's very chilled and laid back now though - hooray

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