DD just 8 seems to cry at the unimportant stuff .. and not the "real" stuff

[PCookie]

This my first post here !!! I have a DD who is just 8. She is generally happy (sings, skips, laughs etc), ADORES school (she's a G&T kid and has friends both in and out of school. Her father and I split up when she was 4 but we live literally around the corner from each other, its very amicabale and, although there is a "sharing structure" in place, she can go to either parent if she feels the need. In other words she seems well-adjusted child who is just very very clever. BUT .. she seems odd emotionlly to me. She says the usual "I love you Mummy" stuff but she seems to cry at THE most silly stuff .. e.g. on a school trip she didn;t get to do one activity that neither did half her class .. she cried .. she is not at all physical but in rounders at school she scored 2 half rounders (this is a miracle !), and when congratulated by her teacher .. she cried .. a friend accidentally told her she had something wring when it was right .. she cried .. and so it goes on and on and on. It only lasts a few minutes each time. She also sets herself ludicrously high academic targets (discouraged by me as she is so clever she doens;t need to set herself anything above what her school asks her to do as they push her which she loves) .. but if she gets anything wrong it crucifies her emotionally and she gets very very anxious. I have virtually no experience of kids other than my own (and she is an "only" one) .. so is this normal ?

sorry whats G&T? does that mean gifted and talented?

Maybe it is normal. My 9 yr old still cries sometimes. Maybe the crying over little things is happening because she doesn't want to cry about the big things. For example does she feel she has to be brave about you and her dad splitting up? Could she feel like she is to blame and feel really bad about it but is afraid to show it? So the crying over smaller things is a manifestation of that anxiety. As for the academic targets, is there some pressure being applied by the school that you are not aware of?

Hi - I have just got back here as my laptop has been playing up.
G&T is, indeed, gifted and talented .. I am sure that the school are not pressurising her - she lives for maths - she comes homes and loves just doing any kind of maths - ite her fun !!!! I also think she is pretty cool about her father and I splitting up - when we were together we were hardly ever "togther" anyhow - so I dont think it is a big deal for her - I could be wrong .. but we talk very openly about everything and she seeems fine ..... it is the self-setting of expectation which is the key I think. I am beginning to think that maybe she is just emotioanlly immature .. she is so mature intellectually maybe the emotional immaturity is a leveller. We have also been to talk to her teacher about it and had a long long chat there too and the last few days have seen an improvement. I guess time will tell but its hard for her as, contrarily, she hates attention .. and that is what the crying brings her !!!! - oh to be able to understand a kids brain !!!

LOL, I do that and I'm in my thirties... when it comes to the important stuff, I'm really strong and hold it together for everyone else, and 99% of the time, I hold things together but it will always be the little things that push me over the edge. I think I'm just a bit highly strung iyswim!

That said, I'm perfectly normal, happy and cheery most of the time, I'm in control of my life and probably a bit too much of a perfectionist for my own good, hence I sometimes get frustrated when things go wrong. I have taught several students like that too. I think some people are just like that, I wouldn't worry!

G&T kids are a lot more sensitive - often hyper-sensitive - than other kids and are also generally perfectionists. And being G&T, people just presume that they're going to do everything brilliantly; even if you and others don't realise it, you could well be reinforcing the idea that she's supposed to do everything well and perfectly and that things are supposed to go well for her all the time, just through small things like throwaway comments like 'you always do that well', 'She always finds things easy to pick up', etc. It's this very sensitivity that makes them G&T as their minds pick up more things than others and pick things up more quickly as well. The getting upset at things that don't seem worth it is probably a result of something minor being the tipping point after too much stimulus or inner stressing. It's not being immature emotionally, it's just being... different, just like her being G&T is different. A good book would be 'The Highly Sensitive Child' by Elaine N Aron.

I know this stuff because you've basically described me as a child

My mum worried about me because, when I was a child, I was watching a film (no idea what) where some disaster was happening and the only thing that upset me was the loss of a musical box, not the numerous people dying or whatever was going on; just this musical box.

Although not G&T, I do have a high enough IQ to join MENSA if I wanted to (can't be bothered) - and have been known to be ridiculously over-emotional at the silliest things. And hypersensitive to other people's comments.

I describe it as lacking that second skin - something that can be annoying at times but otoh I seem to get a lot more pleasure out of things like rainbows, colours, feathers, nature things than others of my acquaintance, so there are benefits as well as downsides.

Thumbwitch, you're talking my language!

Hi, I also have a G and T child of nine who is very similar. I second the Highly sensitive child book as being excellent. Another good book for her to work through is What to do When you Worry too much, it is available on Amazon. I also agree with Scorpette that sometimes those little things that make them cry are just the tipping point. We miss a lot of things that happen in the day and the times when they manage to keep it in. My dd needs alone time to process her day curled up with a book.