How do your children treat/speak to you when they have friends over?

[Earlybird]

DD's behaviour toward me changes dramatically (and not for the better) when she is with her peers. Once we are alone again, she reverts back to the child I recognise. This has been going on a few months now, and seems to be escalating rather than a 'phase'.

Just curious if anyone else has a 'Jekyll and Hyde' child, and if so, how you respond - both in the moment (if an immediate response is called for), and after the fact when the guest has gone. Not quite sure how to handle.

DD is 8.6, btw.

Both mine do this - DS is 8 and DD is 6.

This is how I deal with it - both children have been told that there will be no more friends over to play until they decide NOT to behave that way in front of them. DS was first to have a friend back after 'The Talk'. He was vile. The visiting child was taken home and we had screaming and crying. The visiting child's parents had the situation explained to them and they backed me up.

DD witnessed all this and behave immaculately.

No more trouble since (so far!).

Impressed that you dealt with the situation so immediately and decisively.

My usual strategy is mainly one of glares intended to convey to dd that she is out of order. I somehow don't want to be mean mummy and 'ruin' the playdate/sleepover by taking a stand (twisted logic as it is dd's behaviour - not my reaction - that is the reason things would be 'ruined).

I have found the stern conversation after the playdate isn't effective or lasting, as the behaviour surfaces again the next time dd has a friend over.

Sometimes you have to be mean mummy. I really like doodles handling of the situation. I think you couldn't do any better than that!

They need to know you are firm and in control. AND that their behaviour has consequences, and if that means you are unpopular for a while, well, so be it. You are parent not mate.

If my dc are cheeky when they have friends round I tell them off for it in no uncertain terms
they are usually embarassed and mortified enough not to repeat

works especially well when they are teens showing off

Our DSs behave well when others visit and are fine afterwards. We do give 'The Talk' sometimes before others visit just as a warning if they are getting over excited.

The problems sometimes come mre often when we visit other people who are less strict with their kids. Lots of lip afterwards in some cases. Takes several days to get over it.

I suppose you're right. I guess I mainly have dealt with it by hoping that the horrid behaviour is a one-off, but it's clearly not.

I have to laugh though - dd's sleepover pal left about 20 minutes ago (we're in a different time zone), and as the family's car was pulling away, dd turned to me and gave me a giant hug. I suppose she subconsciously knows she's been unpleasant and wants to reconnect with me.

DD is generally loving and happy ( with some exceptions of course!), so I am always a bit shocked when the disrespectful/demanding/rude behaviour emerges. So far I haven't dealt with it strongly or effectively 'in the moment'.

She behaves as if I am there simply to facilitate the playdate/sleepover - meals produced, available to assist with any issues that arise with games/toys/computer/craft, taxi service to various locations, etc. Otherwise I am treated as the 'irritating' adult who is there only to interfere and spoil their fun.

DD is also an only child, so wonder if her behaviour is somehow linked to the fact that she doesn't need/want me in the same way when she's got a friend around.

Maybe I need to make a point of spelling out what sort of behaviour I expect from her in advance of playdates, along with a clear description of consequences if she is horrid.

Yes, but you must be prepared to carry out these consequences - meaningless 'threats' are pointless and she'll have no respect for you if she knows you don't mean what you say.

mine is 4 and she doesnt even listen to me! charming!!