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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

truly terrible tantrums!

9 replies

potatofactory · 21/06/2009 09:38

I know they probably all are, but I'm finding it very hard not to get angry with my dd (2) sometimes. I just tried to go to the park with her, and for no real reason (you know how it is, I'm sure) she wasn't pleased with proceedings and ended up face-down on the tarmac, screaming and screaming, whilst (probably well-meaning) dogwalkers looked on and laughed (probably sympathetically, but I was not in the mood!)

We ended up coming home (screaming all the way) - exactly the same thing happened yesterday.

I try and remain calm, but it's a job! I called her a 'stupid cow' under my breath today, and now I feel like such a bad mum...

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Original poster

potatofactory · 21/06/2009 09:39

Try not to have a go about the comment I made! I couldn't feel worse than I do already, I assure you...

OP posts:

nobodysfool · 21/06/2009 09:46

Your not alone...stop beating yourself up about what you said im sure many of us have said worse!Your only human and my goodeness don't the kids know how to push our buttons.It's frustrating but it is a phase (god i hate that phrase-but it's true).

WoTmania · 21/06/2009 09:47

Sorry. They can all be like it. With DS1 I just used to stand there waiting for him to calm down. Once, a nice older nlady came up to me and said 'we've all been there' and then toodled off.

Original poster

potatofactory · 21/06/2009 09:51

Thanks for support! Logically, I know she can't be the worst-behaved child ever, but she's really going for it every day at the moment, and it does worry me that maybe she's particularly bad, or that she's been PFB'ed into this behaviour! (I do hope not!)

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Servalan · 21/06/2009 10:52

Oh gosh, really don't beat yourself up about it. At least the comment was under your breath. I have caught myself swearing under my breath during one of DD's spectacular meltdowns and felt ashamed (luckily she was so far gone I doubt she heard me). I have shouted at her in the middle of Sainsbury's when I've been at the end of my tether - neither amongst my proudest moments as a mother, but at the end of the day you are human and doing the best you can.

Tantrums can be so stressful, especially if your child is throwing themselves every which way. The noise is stressful and grating, I know I worry about DD's safety when she flings herself about, which puts me on edge. It all seems very out of control and can be quite frightening - and there is no reasoning with her once she gets part a certain point because she forgets herself what it's all about and there is nothing to appease her.

When I'm on form, I will deal with it calmly and with humour, but if I'm tired and run down and it's about the 10th meltdown of the day it's not so easy! I find breathing deeply helps. Also sometimes using time out (properly of course) can help both DD and me calm down. Keeping calm myself is always best because if I'm feeling out of control, DD can sense it and it makes it worse - but hey, we're human, not robots.

You're not a bad mum. You care. You are reflecting on your parenting and wanting to know how to deal with the situation the best way you can. I think at the end of the day it's all we can do. We are none of us perfect.

Servalan · 21/06/2009 10:57

Oh, something I'm finding is good at the moment is being tuned into when a tantrum is imminent and tallking very calmly and quietly to DD and sorting things out before things reach the point of no return. I get on her level and say "we're not going to have tantrums are we. and find out what the problem is before she forgets what it's about herself!

Honestly, I feel your pain. DD could tantrum for England and I'm still learning how best to deal with things.

Original poster

potatofactory · 21/06/2009 11:35

Thanks so much for that post, Servalan. It does make me feel so much better to hear others' similar nightmares experiences!

I agree completely with your comments regarding the difference it can make when you are feeling tired yourself - that's what makes the whole thing feel so awful - when she's screaming and I'm having flashes of rage...!

I will try the talking to dd when I can feel one coming, and see if it helps.

Thanks again

OP posts:

spinspinsugar · 21/06/2009 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WoTmania · 21/06/2009 12:23

With DS1 I found it tended to be caused by hunger/tiredness. so plenty of snacks and enforced quiet time (he was is a sleep resistor) helped. I also tended to just tell him that when he wanted a cuddle to come to me; this often stopped tantrum in its tracks if not, I just ignored.

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