can't cope with 3.5 DS, help please

[whizzylala]

Hi,
I know there are probably thousands of similar posts but I am getting to the end of my tether.
My DS 3.5 is just going through such a bad phase at the mo and I am really struggling to know how to deal with him.
He constantly calls us rude names when things aren't going his way, hits his sister (5) screams, shouts and is generally obnoxious. He won't even sit next to her and watch TV without irritating her and starting a fight so I get no time off when they are both in the house.
He is only like this when she is around though, on his own he is demanding and full on but not agressive.
We have woken up to the same cycle and I am already close to tears. I am reading the talking to kids book and trying to implement but it all seems quite airy fairy compared to what he is doing and he isn't really the sort to chat about his feelings.
Naughty mat doesn't work, if I put him in his room I have to stand there and hold the door shut. Reward charts work for 1-2 days and then the novelty wears off.
What do I do?
Cannot deal with this anymore.
Thanks.

Well you could try a game for both of them to play and then really praise him when he is kind and plays well with his sister .Tell him how well he has done .Or try something like tell him you are going to doing some painting with him and his sister and put there paintings up in a Gallery so that you can look at them both and tell them how important both of them are .They say to explain to your child first what you expect before you do the task together and so if there is any fighting you will pack it all away .Hope this helps .xx

Thanks, will try that, I feel like I am relentlessly positive with him, suppose I just have to perservere. I think I could cope better if he wasn't always hurting her / me.....