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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Has anyone got any advise for me?????

7 replies

macb1702 · 08/06/2009 16:22

I have a 4 year old DS, who has not slept throught the night for over a year. I have been doing the whole controlled crying thing with him for 5 weeks(!) and it has made no difference. He has at last been referred to a paediatrician who specialises in sleep problems, but he has serious issues about being separated from me during the day. He goes to preschool everyday and a childminder 2 afternoons a week for the last 18mths and cries every morning going into school and from what I hear whenever the childminder picks him. I know he is OK 30secs afterwards but it is very tiring to deal with this everyday. I have sort of put two and two together and am wondering it is all linked, is it a trust issue he has??? Does he really believe I am not coming back. He starts school in Sept and I can't face the thought of it continuing then. Has anyone had similar issues with their children??? I would really appreciate any comments

OP posts:

mumsobusy · 08/06/2009 18:12

My ds 3.10 is the same as your ds he hasnt slept through the night since he been a baby (4 years) I too have tried controlled crying but did not work. We also went through him crying when I left him at nursery although as you say he was perfectly happy as soon as I left him he still clung to me and cried I just said my goodbye gave him a hug and said I would be back later it took over a year but now he gives me a hug and says see you later mummy. Try not to show your concern dont linger and try to calm him and he will accept it in the end. I too am interested in how to solve the night sleep

BiscuitStuffer · 08/06/2009 20:35

My 2 year old does this when she's feeling fretful and I think some kids are just more prone to separation anxiety than others. I know the ages are very different but with DD what helps is to tell her what we're doing after I've picked her up and really lay it on thick that there's some quality mummy time booked in for her later on in the day. It doesn't matter what it is - park / going for a coffee etc - something that I know that we can enjoy together. If her sleep starts to deterioriate, I up the one to one for a bit and it does seem to work. Is that an option?

Overmydeadbody · 08/06/2009 20:39

I don't know much about seperation anxiety but it might be worth you doing a search and reading up on it, to see if your DS fits.

With regards to the sleeping, if he is 4 surely you don't need to do controlled crying? What happens when he wakes up at night? Could you not just accomodate his needs?

My DS is 6 now and more nights than not wakes up, usually for the loo or a drink. I have never seen it as a problem, he often just came into bed with me and fell back to sleep.

Original poster

macb1702 · 09/06/2009 12:12

Thanks for you responses... I have spent the last year tending to his every need at night..loo etc, but it was becoming an excuse for him to get up and we have moved onto the point that he realises this is not going to work. I have had him in my bed and infact he started calling the spare bed "our bed" which is when I thought enough was enough. I don't want to share my bed with anyone (except my DH!)
I certainly don't give him to him crying when he goes into school, I know its just for show... I have just watched that programme that was on last night about children not sleeping and I do think I need to see someone who deals with sleep issues. Has anyone experienced this??

OP posts:

usernametaken · 09/06/2009 12:49

We had a similar problem and at 3yr10ms we knew we had to do something. She would fall asleep ok, but the waking in the night, the getting into our bed, the musical bed hopping etc was just draining. We tried the 'silent return'...failed, we tried ignoring...failed, we tried great routines...failed.

In the end we knew we needed to break the habit of the waking at night so we moved into her room! No quite what you read about in the books. We put down the campbeds and all slept in with her. The first night she woke, saw us there, chatted for 2mins and then went back to sleep...she woke 3 times that night. Over the next 3 days we got the night waking down to once. DH and I then took it in turns to sleep in her room...the camp beds were not comfortable. On day 5 she woke, saw me, rolled over and went straight back to sleep. After that she didn't wake. We left the camp bed in her room so if she did wake in the night the reassurance of the campbed was there but we were sound asleep in our own bed. We broke the waking habit and haven't looked back. Eventually (a month later) we removed the campbed and that has been it. She now sleeps for longer and in a much deeper sleep.
Good Luck.

BiscuitStuffer · 09/06/2009 19:56

usernametaken - that's really interesting and backs my theory that if they genuinely need you, then the only way really is to address their needs and do it in 'their' way - ie something that makes THEM feel more secure. Excellent and so simple when you think about it!

usernametaken · 10/06/2009 21:30

Thanks Biscuit. We had read lots of books on getting her to sleep through the night but none of the methods jumped out at us. Maybe we didn't try them for long enough, but eventually we went against every book and did what we thought was best...and it was! It only took 3yr10ms for her to sleep through the night, but even 4 months down the road, it is still working.
We had co-slept when she was younger (and on/off until we needed to get her sleeping through) which most people told us was the problem, but I just think she'd have been worse at night if we hadn't.

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